The Fireman

I can't wait any longer! I'm going to sleep with the Fireman this Saturday, if I don’t punk out, ha-ha! Why am I so nervous? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because every time he hugs me with those big strong arms and pulls me to his chest, I imagine him fucking the shit out of me, and I’m scared that he’ll just completely turn me out and have me screaming all types of crazy shit. Scared and hopeful, but mostly scared, because I don’t want to become dickmotized. No, I'm still not sure if I want to be in a relationship with him or the artist. I really don't care to think about all at that at this point of my life. It's been a long time, and I deserve some sexual satisfaction (not that the toys haven't been fun). All I care about right now is getting’ some, and somehow maintaining the essence and composure of Nic......whatever the hell that may be. Of course we'll use protection, and I'll give y'all the details as soon as I can.


Peace,

Oh, So You're Just Gonna' Ride That Out Huh ?!?!?!?!

Okay. This is gonna' be one of those post where I definitely won't name names. Here we go. So I was talking to this friend/friend through association* of mine the other day. We were on the phone not talking about anything in particular, when she asked me to hold on so that she could go to the bathroom. I did, and she was back in a few minutes. We started jibber-jabbering again, and then she said... "Not trying to gross you out or anything, but just now, when I went to wipe myself...I felt a bump." So, it's implied that it's down there right? Dewwww! That's "dang" & "ewwww" put together for those of you who don't know. She went on to say that when she went to wipe herself (and yeah she's grown, so this wasn't a weird diaper rash thing) it hurt. So she went investigating with her fingers, and that's when she felt the bump. I asked her if this bump was like a swollen lump, or if it was like a pimple coming to head. It was the latter. She went on to ask me what I thought it might be. At that point, I'm in my head like..."that don't sound good boo-boo. You might need more than Monistat 7!" For her ears I just said, "I think that you need to go to the doctors to get that checked out immediately”. I said this, because it sounded like the symptoms of an STD, and in that case she would be better off asking a doctor, because I can’t help her there. She was quiet. I asked her if she had been having unprotected sex whit her baby's father, and she said "no". Whateva honey! You ain't got to lie. I know she's been letting his whore ass hit it raw. The only reason she told me “no”, is because she knows I don't like him. And the only reason I don't like him is because she lets me know all of the dirt he's doing. Namely the other women. So I guess she was feeling a little salty, because shortly thereafter, she changed the subject, like she always does, whenever someone starts talking shit about her no good baby's daddy. So I let the conversation change.


And for any of you that are curious, yes this is the "Toni Childs" whose been spoken about in post past. So y'all know I care...but not that much, and sometimes not at all. Yeah, after our last falling out, we never got back to where we were. So that means that she no longer gets the perks of having a truly devoted best friend, like me.


So I let a day pass. We're talking on the phone again, and I ask her how everything's going. "with that situation"? She's all like, "What situation?" At this point in my head I'm like "How many situations you got?" But for her ears I just say in my low voice....,"the bump.....is it still there?" She said that it was still there, and that nothing had changed. This prompted me to bring up going to the doctors AGAIN!! And do you know what she said?!?!?!?! Do you know what the heck she had the nerve to say?!?!??!!!!!!! "Well I have an appointment with 'Baby Childs' (her son) on the 8th."


I respond “OF NEXT MONTH?!?!?!” and her answer was a nonchalant “yes”.That's 3 weeks away. So of course, I'm confused and frustrated with her. I try to stay calm, because I don't want to scare her, but I still press the issue of her going to the doctors before then, telling her that she might want to make an appointment with her gyn., or even to the free clinic. Stressing that she had to do something….and sooner rather than later. She just responded by telling me she had to get off the phone. Had to get back to work, and got off the phone with me.


So.....you're just gonna’ sit on THAT for close to a month huh? Wow! I'm not too surprised. In her heart, she probably thinks it's going to be bad news (like I do). She doesn't like to deal with shit head on, if it has anything to do with her man/baby daddy. Even though this dead beat does nothing but make her feel small, tell her she isn't on his level, take her money (including her $3000.00 income tax return (which is rightfully hers since he does nothing for or with the child), takes her car, roof her cell phone, constantly get caught dealing with other women, can never explain where the last condom went to, and IMHO makes way to many verbal observations about her cuter friends… right in front of her face. Yeah he's a real winner.Back in the day I wasted a lot of time, trying to get her to see that she's worth so much more, then to have to deal with that kinda shit, but he's who she's smitten with, so I'm out of it.


I couldn't just ride that out though.

Maybe I'm trippin'!



Peace

Late Night Texts...Fuck Effort!

Am I the only one who hates text messaging?

Sunday morning at around 2:30am I get a text from my Ex-boyfriend Greg, simply stating, "R u up? I wanna c u." Now this pissed me of for a number of reasons.

Reason # 1. This is a booty call, and I should no longer be in his "booty call rolodex". Why?....For the newer readers, here's a quick recap of our relationship. We met, fell in love, went through serious baby mama drama with his ex, broke up, got back together, repeat x2, lost the ability to communicate with each other, broke up but slept together until I got my mind right and moved on to better things.

Now, I've seen him a few times since the last time we slept together, but my feelings for him (and I’ll admit, sometimes I think there's still something there) are just about gone. The only reason I haven't gotten him completely out of my system is that I haven’t slept with anyone else yet. (It's like that sometimes). Anyway back to the text.

Reason # 2. for why this text pissed me off...Didn't I just tell his raggedy ass last time we spoke/text that I fuggin' hate the fact that he acts like the only way he can communicate with me is through text messaging. Honest to god that was the major theme of the last few conversations we've had (during the time we were together, and afterwards). I mean I don't mind if it's used as a secondary form of communication, but that's all I ever get from him. If you want to keep in touch, fine....we can do that, but in my eyes, solitary text messaging is by far the most half assed way of communicating. It’s as if the person can't even muster up the balls to pick up the phone, DIAL, and say something (even if it's "Can I get some ass?") LOL!!!!!!! Shit, I'd be just fine in life if I never heard anything from him again.


Reason # 3. When we stopped sleeping with each other, having casual sex....didn't that imply that we STOP SLEEPING WITH EACH OTHER!!!! Translation.... no more booty calls.


Reason # 4, I just asked him a few months ago if he was dating someone seriously, and he said "yes" ! Didn't I already tell his whore ass that I'm in no way interested in being a home-wrecker, and especially with his ass!?!?!?!? God! He's my ex for a reason! Anyway, the whole thing just irked me.

New age communication = Fuck effort!

Do you agree? Yes ~ No.....tell me why!

Too old for this shit!

Why did I forget the fact that I told my boss I would come in to work this past Saturday morning at 6am? Completely not taking into account that I told “The Artists” sister that I would come to her birthday party, and that I told my girlfriend that I would go to some other club with her around 12, the same Friday night. I mean the shit completely slipped my mind. My girlfriend and I ended up seeing a 12:30 showing of that new Martin Lawrence movie all the way out Neshaminy (which is on the other side of the world for folk like me). Anyway...were sitting in the theater, and it's going on 2am when she looks over at me and says "Damn....you going to work tomorrow?!?!" I'm all "Shiiiiiit! I forgot all about that mess. Oh well, I min-as-well not even go to sleep when I get home. Just chill for a sec, and get ready to leave out for work."

Needles to say, Saturday was no fun! Anyone else out there feeling like their hangin' out late/partying days are coming close to an end. When did you realize you couldn't hang? Or are you still out there closing clubs down?

Goals

Just sitting here at work waiting for the day to end so I can head out to the mall and spend my hard earned $15.oo. I'm tired, and I really just want to crash when I get off, but I told the "artist's" sister, that I would meet up with her and some of her friends to celebrate her birthday, and I have to get something to wear. I'm leaving the job at 2:30pm, and hoping to beat some traffic.

I've decided that I want to buy a house. I found the area that I want to live in. All I need to do now is start saving some money. I already know that I'm not going to be able afford my dream house. You know, the newly constructed home in a gated community, with-in a great school district (for my future kids), void of any/all niggas (I love my black people, but.....well niggas & flies), with a great view of the city, and close to all the good stores! But I have confidence that I can make whatever I can afford work. My only main concerns are that I live in a safe neighborhood, and that the house has a solid foundation. I know I'll probably end up re-wiring, and getting new pipes sooner or later, but I can live with that. Just as long as the house wasn't built over any ancient Native American burial grounds, like in "The Poltergeist". That movie scared me to the core, lol!




Peace

Work, work, work!

I'm too tired to even fake it. Can't even stay awake to eye-stalk the cute contractor man. I just want to lay my head down here for a little while....