Pretty Perplexed

Hello

2008-03-26T07:47:00.001-04:00

My moms in the hospital. I'm sorry, I just don't really feel like blogging much anymore.

Free Your Mind!

2008-03-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

I’m one of those people who are constantly changing their screen saver. I may have a flower, a picture of my G-dson, or a famous piece by a world renowned artist. These are a few of the artist I have in my phone. *see below* For the past month, I’ve had Frida Khalo as my cell phone screen-saver. She’s one of my favorite artists, and there's actually a great exhibit of her work in the Philadelphia Museum of Art right now. The picture I have of her is a self portrait; and a pretty famous one at that. Now I’m no art connoisseur, but I can appreciate it. I’m writing this post because this Saturday, my friend asked to use my phone, and almost fell out the car laughing at the self portrait/screen-saver of Frida Khalo. Trying to explain to her who she was, and why I had her on my phone was pointless. Trying to explain that the portrait was indeed that of a female was also pointless. I’ve given up hope of her expanding her mind culturally. If it ain’t about a website to watch free online movies, or some $200 shoes for her son…she really isn’t that into it. Oh well. To those of you who care to see a different side of me…..scroll down.My favorite is"The Kiss" by Gustav Klimt.
Enjoy!!

1940 “Autorretarto con Collre de Espinas y Colibri” Frida Khalo

1907 “The Kiss” Gustav Klimt

c. 1889 “Starry Night” Vincent van Gogh

c.1931 “The Persistence of Memory” Salvadore Dali

c. 1876-77 “The Star, or Dancer on the Stage” Edgar Degas

Feel free to link to you favorite art if you have any.

P.S. Anything can be art, if you want it to be.

Peace

The Artist, the Fireman, and The Ex…..part 3

2008-03-07T10:04:00.000-05:00

I’m back. Exhausted, but I’m here. My weeks been pretty hectic and it doesn’t show any signs of slowing down soon. But you guys don’t want to hear any of that! Y’all want the juicy details on what went down between me, and the fireman. As you may remember from the last post, I was a little tipsy. Well not even tipsy….just nice. So with the courage juice flowing, I told F.M. that my feet were cold, and asked if I could get under the blankets, (we were already lying on the bed). He said “Of course, but not in your street clothes ;)"

No problem, I had the extra cute panty and bra set, so I stripped. A light green lace set that I copped especially for the occasion. The color looks great on my skin tone (I’m somewhere between coffee n cream’ & caramel). I don’t like to show my body off unnecessarily because there’s no reason for everyone to know what I have goin’ on, but I’m pretty confident about it. I have a nice little shape if I don’t say so myself. I’m not real heavy up top… but you know the saying…. “More than a mouthful’s wasted”.

Anyway, I let him get a look, and then I slipped under the covers, while he got undressed. And I watched…hungry for the kill! LOL! He slid into bed next to me, pulled me close and started kissing me. God! It felt so good to be held in those big strong tatted up arms. He rolled me from my side to my back, and started kissing from head to…….well I can’t say toe, cause he stopped right around my belly button; ripped my panties off, and concentrated on kissing my clit.

Now you all know I tell y’all every single damn thing, and this post won’t be an exception. So here it is…the good, and the bad. Well, for one thing, I don’t really like to get eaten out. That’s not my twist. There is only one man that I like for that job, and I haven’t seen his Puerto Rican ass in years. (He really…well remember Spanish class from high school? Well dude knew how to roll his “R’s” if you know what I mean. He really made love with his tongue, lips, teeth, because that was his twist. He loved to do it, and bringing women to pleasure got him off. No one else has ever come close, so I usually opt out when it comes to receiving.) Oh, and while I’m on this subject, I don’t mind giving, as long as I know the dick is safe, and it’s pretty. You know how some dicks just aren’t cute. Like, I inspected “The Artists" dick a few months back; and I almost gagged. I mean it was thick, but that was the only positive attribute it had. It was bumpy or mole-y and he was super hairy. And also, I don’t know if it was because we were in a place with bad lighting, but I could swear it was ashy. It just looked rough, and I decided right then and there that I could never... ever do anything with that dick. How do people feel about multi-colored dicks? You know the ones that are lighter at the head then they are at the base. I kinda like them. I know! I’m a weirdo. Haahahahaha!

Back to my romp with the F.M.

So he’s down there trying his hardest to (I don’t know…..I really just.don’t.know?) The whole time I’m like, come on and give me that dick. His eat game was, robotic at best…..bless his heart for trying. And like I said before, I really don’t like that shit anyway, so I didn’t waste any time trying to coach. Not wanting to hurt his feelings I let him try his hand for a few minutes. When he came up, and put the condom on well, it warmed Nic’s heart. I really do love nice dick, and it looked nice as hell.
As wet as I was, (and you know I was after my dick-iatus) it was still a bit of a struggle to get him all in. No worries, I like the pain….that’s the best fuckin’ part!
So he’s inside of me, and got-damn it felt good. He started off slow, asking me if I was okay in between kisses, and I’m all “Hells yeah!” I look in his eyes…he looks into mine (well as much as we could in the dim light) I smile and he smiles, then I start throwing it back because, I’m not a lazy bitch, and sometimes it’s fun to be cooperative. He needed to know that I’m a grown ass woman, in that way, and that I don’t have time to waste being treated like a fragile little doll. That’s when the real fun began. I got flipped; dragged, twisted, hair pulled, ass slapped, put on my stomach and told to close my legs (Nic’s favorite position). Ahhhhh, if only he would have had the heart to choke me into unconsciousness, LOL! (I’m serious though)

He wasn’t the best, but he has a nice stroke game, and just about everything he did felt nice. After about 20 – 25 minutes, he started to play with my clit while he was stroking from the side. I just moved his hand away. In past experiences that made me completely lose control and cum, and I was enjoying myself, (selfish, I know but whatever). Then a few minutes later, while he was hitting it from the back he started it again. I said “Stop, I don’t want to cum yet.” He was like “Shit baby, I can’t hold this any longer.” Oh! he should have never showed me any weakness. That just made me throw it back even harder. He was beatin’ it up to the point where every single stroke was hurtin’ but it felt so damn good. A few moments later he was cummin’ and being very vocal about it *that’s a plus* I didn’t get to go there though *booooooooo-nigga-booooooo!* No big deal, there’s only been like 1 ½ dudes that made me cum on a consistent basis. So I was not surprised there. Sex has always been a mental thing with me. I guess I’m just not 100% there with him.

After he came he got up to throw the condom away. When he came back to the bed, he asked me if I was okay and I said “Yeah”. 30 seconds later he was sleep. Snoring lightly. I lay there thinking about so many things, he rolled over and pulled me towards him to cuddle, and asked me again if I was okay. All I could say was “Yeah, I’m cool”. Then he asked me to stay the night…..I said that I would, and he fell back asleep.
At this point it’s around 2:45 -3am, and I’m uncomfortable and awake. I’m also still horny. I thought about going another round with him, but thinking that the results would be the same, opted to grab my panties and roll. After a 10 minute drive, I was in my house. I showered, brushed my teeth, crawled into bed, and as soon as I found the perfect spot on my bed my cell starts to go beep beep beep. He’s texting me talking bout’ “I thought you said you would spend the night with me?”

Well that’s it for today. Look for part 4 sometime early next week, to see how the F.M.’s been acting since I let him hit. And new developments involving “The Artist” That nigga really lost his mind.

Peace

The Artist, The Fireman, and The Ex....pt. 2

2008-03-03T11:05:00.011-05:00

Yeah, the girl Nic has returned. I had to take a little break from blogging to go on my dick-iatus, lol, but I finally have something to report….so I’m back! Sorry it took so long, but I made up my mind not to type anything on blogger until I had something real to talk about. Namely…new dick! (Apologies to anyone who stumbled upon my little blog looking for political insights or quirky social events stories. I’m a self-centered bitch! lol!)

Okay let me first start off by letting y’all know that I didn’t even get any until this weekend March 2nd, in the wee hours of the morning. Last weekend, I punked out, and didn’t call “The Fireman” until I was sure he was safely at work, and I was far away on the other side of the city. I guess, I bitched up for a number of reasons, not just the one listed on my last blog post……….18 years ago ha-ha.

As my abstinence clock was winding down, I started to think about my ex…a lot. I was also worried about how “The Artist” would take it, if I decided to tell him. It may seem weird, but we tell each other everything.

So anyway, on to the details of this weekend. Friday, I came home, and was just exhausted from work. I decided to crash, and pull myself together the next day. Unfortunately I think my nerves got the best of me, because I didn’t get any real good sleep until about 4 or 5 in the morning. Saturday afternoon... it was
All-Systems-Go. I got up, washed my hair in the shower, and plotted on getting the dick, ... without asking for the dick, ... after being scared of the dick for an unreasonable amount of time.

I thought that my Saturday was going to be all planned out. It wasn’t! It ended up being really scattered. Basically I almost punked out AGAIN! I had spoken to “The Artist” Friday, and he was supposed to be out of town in Baltimore doing some producing. Y’all know how I feel about that shit, but I was like shiiiiit, he’ll be one less thing to worry about. “The Fireman” called around 6 and we started up a casual conversation. We decided to go out to get something to eat. So I drove up to his place (about 5 minutes away from my house) and from there we took his car. He let me drive, which is nothing unusual, but it just helped put me at ease for some strange reason. I guess because I felt like I was in control of something. All night long he was telling me how pretty I was and that he loved my hair curly.

Truth is, he’s the only reason I wear my hair that way.

The food was good but I really couldn’t eat a lot. Nerves again! I drove his car back to his place. The conversation was cool until we hit his block. I parked up; he started in again on why I had never given him a chance before, in a relationship or anything else. He asked me what I was scared of and all I could say was,

“I don’t know.”

He just laughs and says, “Well you have to know something Nic.” At this point I’m almost shaking. This is when he asks…point blank, “Why don’t you just let me bite it, and we can see where things go from there.”

Know what I said? “Naw I’m cool.”

Yes, I punked out again. After that…he seemed understandably frustrated. So I just got out and let him walk me over to my car. No long hug, no kiss. I just got in the car and drove away with my angry clitoris. I was not even two blocks away before I was calling my ex, Greg. We talked for a little while. I just needed the familiarity. In my heart I knew that I shouldn’t go back to that dick so after about 15 minutes of a surprisingly good conversation, I got off the phone with him and called “The Artist”. I was mad at myself for leaving F.M. like that but figured that I could console myself with the voice of someone who puts little to no sexual pressure on me, partly because I’m in no way attracted to his ass (and he knows it), and partly due to the fact that I’m in complete control of most aspects in our relationship/association.

When I asked him how Baltimore was, he said that he didn’t even go. He was at the studio, writing or some shit. I told him I’d be through in a few minutes. By the time I got down there (and it was maybe an 8 minute drive) my ass was sore from kicking myself. I was so pissed about throwing away another opportunity to be with the F.M. that I could barely think straight. So after 5 minutes of listening to T.A. complain about the music industry and his shady ass partners who left him in Philly I told him that I had to go. I made up an excuse about having to go get something for my mom to eat, which he didn’t seem to be buying, because it was close to 12 midnight, and left his pitiful looking ass right where I found him. I called the F.M. and told him that I’d be back over shortly.

When I got there he was playing some crazy war game called Call of Duty4. FYI, one of the most realistically violent video games in terms of war scenarios. Anyway we chilled for a minute; he offered me something to drink which I swallowed quickly and happily (vodka ain’t usually my drink, but whatev’s). We watched a little TV, played a few hands of black jack and when I was sufficiently loosened up (tipsy) I let nature take it’s long over due course.

For details on how the “F” went down, come back tomorrow, I’m too tired to type anymore.

Thanks for being patient, love y'all (yeah a girls a little less aggi after she gets some)
Peace

The Fireman

2008-02-21T14:07:00.006-05:00

I can't wait any longer! I'm going to sleep with the Fireman this Saturday, if I don’t punk out, ha-ha! Why am I so nervous? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because every time he hugs me with those big strong arms and pulls me to his chest, I imagine him fucking the shit out of me, and I’m scared that he’ll just completely turn me out and have me screaming all types of crazy shit. Scared and hopeful, but mostly scared, because I don’t want to become dickmotized. No, I'm still not sure if I want to be in a relationship with him or the artist. I really don't care to think about all at that at this point of my life. It's been a long time, and I deserve some sexual satisfaction (not that the toys haven't been fun). All I care about right now is getting’ some, and somehow maintaining the essence and composure of Nic......whatever the hell that may be. Of course we'll use protection, and I'll give y'all the details as soon as I can.

Peace,

Oh, So You're Just Gonna' Ride That Out Huh ?!?!?!?!

2008-02-15T10:00:00.001-05:00

Okay. This is gonna' be one of those post where I definitely won't name names. Here we go. So I was talking to this friend/friend through association* of mine the other day. We were on the phone not talking about anything in particular, when she asked me to hold on so that she could go to the bathroom. I did, and she was back in a few minutes. We started jibber-jabbering again, and then she said... "Not trying to gross you out or anything, but just now, when I went to wipe myself...I felt a bump." So, it's implied that it's down there right? Dewwww! That's "dang" & "ewwww" put together for those of you who don't know. She went on to say that when she went to wipe herself (and yeah she's grown, so this wasn't a weird diaper rash thing) it hurt. So she went investigating with her fingers, and that's when she felt the bump. I asked her if this bump was like a swollen lump, or if it was like a pimple coming to head. It was the latter. She went on to ask me what I thought it might be. At that point, I'm in my head like..."that don't sound good boo-boo. You might need more than Monistat 7!" For her ears I just said, "I think that you need to go to the doctors to get that checked out immediately”. I said this, because it sounded like the symptoms of an STD, and in that case she would be better off asking a doctor, because I can’t help her there. She was quiet. I asked her if she had been having unprotected sex whit her baby's father, and she said "no". Whateva honey! You ain't got to lie. I know she's been letting his whore ass hit it raw. The only reason she told me “no”, is because she knows I don't like him. And the only reason I don't like him is because she lets me know all of the dirt he's doing. Namely the other women. So I guess she was feeling a little salty, because shortly thereafter, she changed the subject, like she always does, whenever someone starts talking shit about her no good baby's daddy. So I let the conversation change.

And for any of you that are curious, yes this is the "Toni Childs" whose been spoken about in post past. So y'all know I care...but not that much, and sometimes not at all. Yeah, after our last falling out, we never got back to where we were. So that means that she no longer gets the perks of having a truly devoted best friend, like me.

So I let a day pass. We're talking on the phone again, and I ask her how everything's going. "with that situation"? She's all like, "What situation?" At this point in my head I'm like "How many situations you got?" But for her ears I just say in my low voice....,"the bump.....is it still there?" She said that it was still there, and that nothing had changed. This prompted me to bring up going to the doctors AGAIN!! And do you know what she said?!?!?!?! Do you know what the heck she had the nerve to say?!?!??!!!!!!! "Well I have an appointment with 'Baby Childs' (her son) on the 8th."

I respond “OF NEXT MONTH?!?!?!” and her answer was a nonchalant “yes”.That's 3 weeks away. So of course, I'm confused and frustrated with her. I try to stay calm, because I don't want to scare her, but I still press the issue of her going to the doctors before then, telling her that she might want to make an appointment with her gyn., or even to the free clinic. Stressing that she had to do something….and sooner rather than later. She just responded by telling me she had to get off the phone. Had to get back to work, and got off the phone with me.

So.....you're just gonna’ sit on THAT for close to a month huh? Wow! I'm not too surprised. In her heart, she probably thinks it's going to be bad news (like I do). She doesn't like to deal with shit head on, if it has anything to do with her man/baby daddy. Even though this dead beat does nothing but make her feel small, tell her she isn't on his level, take her money (including her $3000.00 income tax return (which is rightfully hers since he does nothing for or with the child), takes her car, roof her cell phone, constantly get caught dealing with other women, can never explain where the last condom went to, and IMHO makes way to many verbal observations about her cuter friends… right in front of her face. Yeah he's a real winner.Back in the day I wasted a lot of time, trying to get her to see that she's worth so much more, then to have to deal with that kinda shit, but he's who she's smitten with, so I'm out of it.

I couldn't just ride that out though.

Maybe I'm trippin'!

Peace

Late Night Texts...Fuck Effort!

2008-02-14T07:22:00.001-05:00

Am I the only one who hates text messaging?

Sunday morning at around 2:30am I get a text from my Ex-boyfriend Greg, simply stating, "R u up? I wanna c u." Now this pissed me of for a number of reasons.

Reason # 1. This is a booty call, and I should no longer be in his "booty call rolodex". Why?....For the newer readers, here's a quick recap of our relationship. We met, fell in love, went through serious baby mama drama with his ex, broke up, got back together, repeat x2, lost the ability to communicate with each other, broke up but slept together until I got my mind right and moved on to better things.

Now, I've seen him a few times since the last time we slept together, but my feelings for him (and I’ll admit, sometimes I think there's still something there) are just about gone. The only reason I haven't gotten him completely out of my system is that I haven’t slept with anyone else yet. (It's like that sometimes). Anyway back to the text.

Reason # 2. for why this text pissed me off...Didn't I just tell his raggedy ass last time we spoke/text that I fuggin' hate the fact that he acts like the only way he can communicate with me is through text messaging. Honest to god that was the major theme of the last few conversations we've had (during the time we were together, and afterwards). I mean I don't mind if it's used as a secondary form of communication, but that's all I ever get from him. If you want to keep in touch, fine....we can do that, but in my eyes, solitary text messaging is by far the most half assed way of communicating. It’s as if the person can't even muster up the balls to pick up the phone, DIAL, and say something (even if it's "Can I get some ass?") LOL!!!!!!! Shit, I'd be just fine in life if I never heard anything from him again.

Reason # 3. When we stopped sleeping with each other, having casual sex....didn't that imply that we STOP SLEEPING WITH EACH OTHER!!!! Translation.... no more booty calls.

Reason # 4, I just asked him a few months ago if he was dating someone seriously, and he said "yes" ! Didn't I already tell his whore ass that I'm in no way interested in being a home-wrecker, and especially with his ass!?!?!?!? God! He's my ex for a reason! Anyway, the whole thing just irked me.

New age communication = Fuck effort!

Do you agree? Yes ~ No.....tell me why!

Too old for this shit!

2008-02-13T08:00:00.001-05:00

Why did I forget the fact that I told my boss I would come in to work this past Saturday morning at 6am? Completely not taking into account that I told “The Artists” sister that I would come to her birthday party, and that I told my girlfriend that I would go to some other club with her around 12, the same Friday night. I mean the shit completely slipped my mind. My girlfriend and I ended up seeing a 12:30 showing of that new Martin Lawrence movie all the way out Neshaminy (which is on the other side of the world for folk like me). Anyway...were sitting in the theater, and it's going on 2am when she looks over at me and says "Damn....you going to work tomorrow?!?!" I'm all "Shiiiiiit! I forgot all about that mess. Oh well, I min-as-well not even go to sleep when I get home. Just chill for a sec, and get ready to leave out for work."

Needles to say, Saturday was no fun! Anyone else out there feeling like their hangin' out late/partying days are coming close to an end. When did you realize you couldn't hang? Or are you still out there closing clubs down?

Goals

2008-02-08T13:19:00.000-05:00

Just sitting here at work waiting for the day to end so I can head out to the mall and spend my hard earned $15.oo. I'm tired, and I really just want to crash when I get off, but I told the "artist's" sister, that I would meet up with her and some of her friends to celebrate her birthday, and I have to get something to wear. I'm leaving the job at 2:30pm, and hoping to beat some traffic.

I've decided that I want to buy a house. I found the area that I want to live in. All I need to do now is start saving some money. I already know that I'm not going to be able afford my dream house. You know, the newly constructed home in a gated community, with-in a great school district (for my future kids), void of any/all niggas (I love my black people, but.....well niggas & flies), with a great view of the city, and close to all the good stores! But I have confidence that I can make whatever I can afford work. My only main concerns are that I live in a safe neighborhood, and that the house has a solid foundation. I know I'll probably end up re-wiring, and getting new pipes sooner or later, but I can live with that. Just as long as the house wasn't built over any ancient Native American burial grounds, like in "The Poltergeist". That movie scared me to the core, lol!

Peace

Work, work, work!

2008-02-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

I'm too tired to even fake it. Can't even stay awake to eye-stalk the cute contractor man. I just want to lay my head down here for a little while....

The Artist, The Fireman, and The Ex....pt. 1

2008-01-08T13:39:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday break. I did. So much so that I’m having a hard time getting used to this working thing again. Well anyway, let me give you all a little update on what has been going on in my life. It’s a little story called “The Artist, the Fireman, and The Ex!” For the past few months I’ve been dealing with an artist. He has a regular 9-5 at a bank, but for the most part…at heart, he’s an artist. He sings, paints, writes, & draws. Whenever he has free time he’s at the studio. I personally can’t stand any of that music shit. My father is an artist, and I’m well aware of all the emotional bull-shit that comes with this temperamental type.

I’ve actually known him for years, but only just re-connected with him this past September. And that is only because he said he was out of the music game…and trust me…it is a game! Now he’s back in this shit, trying to “make a way”. Talking about wanting to earn some more money so that he can help me out. Please!!!!!! I’ve told him time, and time again that I don’t need that type of help, and that I would benefit more by just having someone around to kick it with. The way I see it, he’s just doing this music thing because he wants to.

It seems to me that there has been no progress made, he likes to be around the movers and the fake-shakers, and if anything they’re just taking advantage of him. A mutha-fuckin industry flunky is not what I had in mind, when I took him on as an associate, who aspired to be more. Other then that music chase (which I hate) he’s a nice guy. Every once in a while I’ll have to tell him to slow down. Especially when he starts talking that marriage shit. I mean really! I haven’t even given this guy a kiss. Everything I do to keep him at bay, just makes me seem more chaste in his mind. LOL….whateva honey! I’ve even told him about the other guys that I’m talking to. The artist doesn’t care at all. He admires my honesty, and is convinced that we’re meant to be together. Look wise, he falls short of the Ex, and way short of the Fireman, but I thought that maybe my feelings for him would change in time due to the fact that he’s soooooooo kind. That maybe I could find a way to let him have a little pussy, and that through some weird miracle, I would be turned out, and completely satisfied. I don’t think I can stomach it though. Now don’t get me wrong. He’s not a beast or anything like that. It’s just the culmination of all his needy (lack of backbone) qualities that have turned me off to the whole idea of fucking him.

Well that’s it for now. I’ll write the next part out as soon as I can, and get y’all updated on the Fireman, and the Ex!!!

Tomfoolery

2007-12-26T08:04:00.000-05:00

Sitting here at work on the day after Christmas.....What part of the game is this?

Are you where you want to be right now?

C.O.P.S. 2

2007-12-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

Monday, I received a call while I was at work. It was the personnel department of the city, telling me to report for my Police recruit physical 8:30am the next day. No real notice, no time for me to hit the gym back up. Oh well, after work, I went to Wal-Mart to get a sweatshirt and a scully hat, because I hate cold weather and I didn’t want to get sick. The rest of my day/night was normal. I ate some Wendy’s and went to sleep after talking on the phone to ******* for a few hours.

I got there early, but it didn’t really matter. Nothing started until way after 9am. Everyone else there received the same courteous 24 hour notice call. There were a lot of people there who had taken the test a few times already. A little more then 50 people arrived all together. Mostly men of course. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, so I didn’t mind the wait.

There were four activities that I was going to have to complete.
30 sit-ups in a minute
300 meter in 75 seconds
70lb bench press (one time only)
1.5 miles in 15:56 minutes

So we started out with 52 or 53 people. I don’t remember which one. After the sit-ups the group was cut down to about 25 people. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Just the last two kinda had me shaking, but I was thinking about that benefits package and I pulled them out.
Then the sprint…longest 72 seconds of my life. There were only 2 people to fail that part. One dude got all belligerent, so after he was thrown out, they gave us an advisory speech. Explaining to the slower ones that they would still have to pass a psych eval, and that their behavior today could/would influence the final decision. The bench press was easy, but there were a few people that could not cut it. There were a couple that just didn’t follow instructions.

Oh well, so then it was time for me to do my mile and a half run. This is the thing I was dreading. I told y’all months ago that I would have a hard time with that.

Long story short, after standing outside in the cold for the first group of 8 to go. I didn’t make it. My time was 17 minutes and 20 seconds.

Oh well! I’m still really proud to have made it that far. And the good news is that I will be able to take the test again soon. Next time I’ll be ready, and I’ll also bring a stop watch of my own.

Peace

Oh yeah, That's how I like it!

2007-12-07T11:25:00.000-05:00

So I had this crazy ass dream at around 3 in the morning. I can’t stop thinking about it.

It was short and sweet. In the dream, I was having naked fun with Greg…my ex. I was infront of him (on my knees I guess) and all of a sudden he just took like a little half a step back and shot out all of this delectable, hot, cum. I mean, it was as if someone were squeezing a Capri sun juice box or something. It was so much. So me being the type of girl I am, just stuck out my chest and told/begged him to squirt it all over me. He obliged, and then I woke up. Now, I’m at work squeezing my legs together. Damn I have to get some dick soon.

Too much info? Oh well.

New News

2007-12-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

I’m sorry that I went on hiatus again. I’ve been busy with work and stuff. Y’all know the drill. Let me give you all a little update on the going-ons of my life.

First off, in the time between now and the last post, I have come out of the “I miss my ex” funk. Thank the lord! Now I’m not gonna’ lie to y’all, I have been in contact with him this month, but there was no screwin’. We just spoke on the phone a couple of times, and exchanged a few texts. My favorite of which goes as followed….

Him: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Me: Kill ya’self!

I took a little time, and apologized for my extreme comment. Saying that I shouldn’t let my anger towards him cause me to stoop to a new low. But then I also added that I just needed him to keep his future holiday greetings to himself. He was cool about it.

I’ve been dating a really nice guy named *******. He’s someone I met in college waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy back in the day. We kinda reconnected around September, and with the exception of a minor break, have been chilllin’ ever since. We haven’t slept together, because I’m just so not ready for that. But he keeps me happy in other ways. He’s always a complete gentleman. And he lets me be my true bossy self, which I love! Our relationship is one that I have complete control over. I let him know that, what I’m interested in doing with him is getting to know him better, so that I can consider moving him from the associate category to the friend category. I know that he likes me, but so the fuck what?!!?! I’m not going to get into a relationship with anyone unless I know everything about them, and I can call them a true friend. He knows about most of the stuff I had to go through with my ex (back in the day) so he’s pretty patient and understanding. I don’t know if I could ever commit myself to ******* (long term) because (as you might have gathered) he’s a bit of a push-over, but... he keeps me content right now, and that’s what I need.

Now, onto Police business.
I have taken and passed my test (older readers know that already), but since then, I have also gone to my recruit orientation, my first interview, and I’ve had my medical evaluation. The next thing that I have to do is be scheduled for, (and take) my physical agility test. If I pass that then the only thing left for me would be the psych exam and the eval. This whole process is taking forever, but it’s understandable. I’m just really anxious!

Work?!?!?I don’t EVEN want to talk about it!

Peace

Why Why Why?

2007-11-16T13:24:00.000-05:00

I have a date with a very nice guy tonight...

Why is it that all I want to do is lay on my bed, think about my ex, cry and listen to After the Love is Gone - by Brian McNight?

p.s. This is a fan made video, but I like it.

Have a good weekend y'all,

Peace

I Bust my Ass Again!

2007-11-15T12:32:00.000-05:00

Some of you might know that for the past 5 months I have been living at my mothers’ house. So now that I’m back under her roof there are certain rules of hers that I have to respect. The main one that I seem to be having a problem understanding/dealing/respecting is the fact that she’s trying to adopt this annoying ass stray cat. Now I love animals, but this one has clawed my last nerve. Every time I go to step out of my car he’s there, tripping me up. I can’t even get into my house without him running past me. He cries constantly, and if he thinks that I am going to try and put him out of the house via nudging/kicking him with my foot then he does this stop drop and roll thing, which pretty much prevents me from shooing him away without touching him with my hands. Nic is not about picking up stray dirty cats (remember I’m a germaphobe). And the fucked up thing is that you just know that he was put out of his real/first home in the first place for being annoying as fuck.

So last night I’m on the phone with *******, and I look out the back door to see that this cat-dog (cause he’s big as shit) was lying on the hood of my car. Nic is also not about having scratch marks on the paint baby!
So anyway, I tell ****** that I’m 'bout to get that cat off of my car, by hitting the alarm button on my key chain. So as I’m saying this the cat is rolling around on my car. He’s half ass sliding off, then scrambling and using every sharp little nail he has to save himself from falling off the hood.
So I hit the button, and only let the horn blast once, because 1.) ….I didn’t realize that the horn alarm was that loud (I didn’t want to kill the things eardrums), and 2.) I see how startled he is. What I did was unnecessary and mean, but I was still cracking the hell up. So I’m laughing on the phone telling ******* what happened, and leaning on the back screen door, when I almost fall outside. I get my balance and laugh to my friend “Shit…let me stop laughing cause I almost fell out the back door!” I turn around to walk up two little steps, just as my friend was saying something to me about karma.

Well my foot went for the step, but my slipper didn’t, and instead got snagged on the lower of the two steps. I took the second worst trip/fall/“L” in my life. I swear, I think I flew for a second, because that’s the position I was in when I finally hit the ground. Arms fully extended. Phone and car keys lost under the refrigerator. All I could was laugh. I found my phone and keys and just lay there on the floor, and laughed for a good 5-6 minutes. My friend on the phone was laughing too. I tried to get up and gather myself, but I was still laughing too hard. My stomach was hurting so badly, and him laughing on the other end of the phone was not helping. It’s like the more I laughed, the more he laughed, and then the more he laughed the more I laughed. I get the giggles sometimes, and I’m the first person to laugh at myself usually so you know I was dying. We laughed for the rest of the night.

Message…..It doesn’t pay to be a bitch! But sometimes, it’s funny as hell

Random

2007-11-13T13:22:00.000-05:00

Even this bitch is married!?!!!?!??!?!?!?

Peace, be still.

Tagged Bitchessssssssssss

2007-11-13T09:32:00.000-05:00

Kiki plays too much!!!!!!!!!! She tagged me a couple of weeks ago, and my lazy ass is just getting around to doing it. Don’t judge me!

Here be the rules.

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...

B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...

C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...

D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I hate the winter time. I can’t stand to be cold and the sound of snow under my feet grates my nerves.

2. I drive fast. Most would say like a dude without the navigational problems.

3. I truly believe that Scorpios are the best Zodiac sign. Sexy, smart, confident, sneaky when we need to be, loyal, and passionate about everything we do. What could be better?

4. I would rather be dead then to be paralyzed. Para or quadriplegic, it doesn’t matter. The thought of being that helpless and dependant freaks me out. (I do apologize if I offended anyone with this comment. It’s just the way I feel.)

5. I love Johnny Depp. And I mean really love him. I think he is the weirdest, sexiest, most humble actor out there, and I wish him and his family (fiancé included) nothing but the best. Whatever makes him happy makes me happy. Yes it’s that damn serious! Don’t judge me!

6. I’m a sucka for movies. I cry over silly movies, like Major Payne… Really, any movie which features a group of people overcoming something. And if I’m watching a movie and one of the characters embarrass themselves, I can’t help but to look away, and/or cover my eyes.

7. I’m a hater. I can’t stand forgetful people, and people who think that they can’t do anything for themselves. If a bitch is 25 years old, and she can’t even wash and blow-dry her own hair……….I’m judging her. I also hate people who think that they always know the same people that I know. Example: I could be talking an associate, whom I know has never held down a real job in their life and on top of that they might have some criminal tendencies, but they will swear up and down that they know the same 50 year old John from corporate @ my office. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhano!

I’m tagging Ms. Behaving, Ray Ray, Sheletha, Thea, Keelah, Khoney330, & Tanyetta.

The funniest phone call I’ve ever received!

2007-11-09T14:54:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was my birthday. I went to work feeling a little nauseous because I’d eaten some nasty cheese burger from Burger King the night before, but other then that my day was regular. After work I hurried to the other end of town to get my Driver’s license renewed. The DMV center wasn’t busy at all, and the employees were all very nice, so that was a plus, because I was not in the mood for any negativity yesterday. When that was all over I went home to get dressed. A male friend of mine called dibbs on my birthday night months ago, so we were headed out to the Cheesecake Factory at around 7:30pm.

I’m in my room, toweling off from my shower when I see my phone flashing that little red light that means I missed a call. It was a number that I didn’t recognize, and I’d only missed the call by 2 minutes so I called it back. I let it ring 4 times and then I hung up. A few seconds later it rang. Same number, so I answered it.

Some male voice that I didn’t recognize was saying “Happy birthday Miss Nic!” He sounded like some distant geeky religious uncle or something. I asked who it was but they would only repeat the same thing, and that was “Happy Birthday Miss Nic!!!!!” I couldn’t place the voice, but I knew it was someone messing with me. So I asked again “Who am I speaking to?”
That’s when the caller broke out laughing.

You will never guess who it was………………………………………….. My ex-best friends’ babies’ daddy.

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather. Oh he went on and on talking about how our birthdays are right next to each other. That his brother still wanted to talk to me. That he and his girl were going to the Cheesecake Factory the next night. And isn’t it crazy that were both going there for our birthdays…………….must be because we’re Scorpios, blah blah blah. The whole time I’m thinking that “This Nigga is crazy!” I knew that the only way he would be able to get my number was through my ex-BFF. She always said that he was crazy, but I didn’t think it would manifest itself this way. Why would he think that we were buddies? Idonknow?!?!?!?! I guess, since we’ve never really had a falling out he’s assumed that we’re cool.

All I could do was laugh, shake my head and say “Thank you.”

I can’t believe that with everything he put my once BFF through, he thought he and I were cool enough to call my phone. I would have said something along the lines of “Aaaaaahrahhhummmmm……….yeah, don’t call back please, you’re weirding me out.” All that would have done is cause more drama in their lives. And while I’m sure that that is something that they both enjoy very much, I don’t want to have any parts in it. I just really couldn’t believe that he called MY PHONE.

She’s got a winner, LOL!!!!!! I wish them both the best, for the sake of my godson, whom by the way is doing great.

Love y'all,
Nic

Shoulda titled that last post…."When The Shit Hits the Fan!!!!!"

2007-11-08T10:17:00.000-05:00

Annnnnnnnywaaaayyy………………

So y’all know that boy was headed for a major meltdown right?
I went back over there a few times that week. Let me tell you what happened. On the 20th I went over to my friends’ house to chill. Grandma came over at around 4:30pm with “D”. He immediately started to act up. Nothing major at first, just that running in and out the house 50 times per minute. That’s just how little boys do sometimes. Well grandma wasn’t having it this day. I hear her yelling to him to get in the house and do his homework while I’m lounging upstairs. G’ma is super pissed because he got another bad report in school again (behavioral stuff). So I walk down the steps to (be nosey) get something, and as I do I hear her tell “D” again to get his bookbag, and come in the house to start his homework. Well “D” didn’t like that at all, because he came in the house slammed the door behind him and threw (an overhand throw by the way) his book bag at his grandmother who was sitting at the dining room table about 20 feet away. He then started to yell/whine & stomp. I’m thinking “This lil’ boy needs his as whooped cuss he just wants to do whatever he wants”. So you know what I did? I walked out the front door, and let his grandmother give him the spanking/beating he deserved. An hour later he was back to being bad.

A few days later he had a really bad asthma attack. I don’t know what brought it on, but it was real. His little chest was sunken in, and the poor thing was crying because he was so out of breath. They took him to the hospital to see what was what, and the dummies at the hospital sent him back home. He spent a few hours in the house, but he was lethargic and wheezing so badly that they decided to take him back up there. This time they gave him some type of steroids, to get his breathing back to where it needed to be.

Well I was at the house when he came back and what I saw still has me amazed. I’ve never seen “D” so focused in my life. Those steroids did something magical to that boy! Instead of jumping down entire flights of stairs and using the railings on the porch to climb to the second story ledge he just sat down and started to play with some toys. The doctors said that the medicine was going to make him hyper. I was pleasantly surprised at how it worked in his system. His breathing got back to normal, and he actually calmed down a lot. I watched & listened as he read the same story book 6 times. FOCUSED!!!!!!!! I whispered to my friend “He’s focused as shit right now.” She laughed and kinda stopped paying attention to what “D” was doing and started watching TV. The days since then have been so much better. I’m not sure if it was the steroids, or if he was just happy to have gotten so much attention, or if he was happy to be out of the hospital (who likes getting poked at?!?!) But he was actually acting like he had some sense.

He was cool for a few days after that, and then it was back to the usual crap.

This little boy is out of control. The tantrums come every time he’s told to stop playing around.

I asked my friend if they’d ever considered taking him to therapy. She said that she had, but that the grandmother wasn’t really pressed about doing that.

To be continued……………………………………………………

Don't Want to See Another Child Lost!

2007-10-19T10:17:00.000-04:00

I’m concerned about the welfare of a child I know. He’s not getting beat on, or anything like that. He has a roof over his head, goes to school every day, has plenty of toys to play with, and always has food to eat. What he’s lacking is any type of structure, and I think that he might need some type of therapy.

Let me give you a general idea of my concerns and of how this little boy has been acting up since…… god knows when.

I’ll call him “D” for now.

“D” has been raised by his grandmother since he was born. His mother, a striper and drug addict, has 7 other children. I’ve met her a few times. She has a good heart, but she lacks control and self esteem. She’s not able to take care of the children she has. Last time I heard anything about her she was in a re-habilitation center/institution, and the state had taken custody of the children she did have around her.

“D’s” father is locked up, and I don’t even know how much time he has left. He’s never been “available” to raise his own son, and as far as I know, his only fatherly contributions have been a few jail-house drawings (by other inmates), and a $7 a month child support check. He has ADHD and a career plan that reads “DON’T GET CAUGHT AGAIN!”

So it’s fallen upon the grandmother to raise this child. Shouldn’t be a huge problem right? Wrong. Currently granny has 5 other people living in the house not including herself and “D”. This is the smallest amount of people I’ve ever known to live there though. I stayed there for a little while (maybe 5 years ago), and when I was living there, there were no less then 10 people….every-single-night! And all of us are female except for young “D”. Granny is not a young woman, so she can’t/wont/doesn’t care to chase him around. She lets him do what ever he pleases knowing that he won’t have to suffer any consequences. Hence the reason he climbed out onto the third floor ledge 3 years ago.

My concern is that she is raising this child like a grandmother, and not the mother that she really is/needs to be. By that I mean that all she does is spoil him, and shelter him from the repercussions of his actions. Shoot! I actually heard her tell her 25 year old daughter to “do his homework!” Tuesday night. This demand was made, after and while the boy was outside playing on his bike all day and night. Wow!!!

So……he’s a little spoiled. What’s the big deal…right? Here’s my biggest concern. There’s a new baby in the house. Now he’s been doing the typical “jump/cry/pout for attention” thing. A lot of kids do that though, when there’s a new baby in the house. We (my friend and I) already figured that he would regress some but what I’m bout to tell you definitely falls outside the norm.

He pooped on himself! On purpose! And continued about his day as if no one would notice. He’s not slow in the least. He’s going to be 8 on Christmas day, and he’s actually in advanced classes in school. I asked my friend if he had had a stomach ache, thinking that, well maybe he was sick and couldn’t make it to the bathroom; like explosive diarrhea. My friend informed me that that was not the case. She told me that he walked into the room while she was platting her sons’ hair. “D” happily exclaimed “Ooooh!!! “Insert baby’s name here” is getting his hair done?” Like nothing in the world had happened. She said it smelt so bad that she knew he had to have done something. When she asked him the first time if he sh*t himself, he said nothing. The second time she asked though, he responded by saying "“insert baby’s name here” poops on himself all the time!" The baby “D’s” referring to just turned 1 this month.

“D’s” never been one to poop or even pee his pants. Of course they had to take the clothes, I don’t know what they did with them…..but she told me that it was indeed grown man sh*t. No conversations were had with “D” regarding this event.

The new baby in the house has definitely made things worse. I suspect it’s at the root of his stealing, writing on the leather of car seats, anything to get attention really. It doesn’t really matter what it is.

And don’t even think about going over there to try and hold the new baby. Ohhhhhhhhhh no no no no!!!! He’ll be all over you like white on rice. No, he won’t actually ask for you to play with him, he’ll just conveniently place himself between you and the baby. I don’t think that that would be so annoying if he weren’t so hyper & posessvie, and I don’t think that things would be so out of hand if some one would sit down and really talk with him. Hear his concerns. He’s an articulate kid. I’m sure something can be done.

All I can really do right now is pray, but what I want to do is recommend some child and/or parental counseling or therapy, but how do you offer advice to a family that doesn’t really seem to like to go outside the box? Maybe I’m overreacting……naw f*ck that! *Thinking back to all the crazy things I’ve seen him do these past 7.9 years! * That kid needs help!

I know I have a problem with taking other peoples issues onto myself, so I’m hesitant to even say anything. It’s just really eating at me though. Should I just keep my mouth shut and be thankful “D’s” not my kid?

HELP!!!! I need some real advice!

Peace

I Was Just Curious.......

2007-10-17T08:09:00.001-04:00

On average, while you’re blogging, do you leave mostly positive/agreeable comments in the response sections, or do you usually take the opportunity to write something contradictory to the authors post, just for controversy’s sake? Do you find that you just naturally disagree with what most people are thinking? Do you comment for laughs? Or, are you a lurker?

This is an open question to everyone (lurkers too). I’ve never really had a problem with negative comments. But I have seen (on other blogs) a few commenters that always seem to be getting into s*** with the authors, and even other commenters.

Nothing wrong with one or two s*** starters I guess, LOL! It keeps things from getting boring, IMHO. I hope that everyone who visits my lowly blog feels comfortable enough to say whatever is on their minds. Even if it’s “Shut tha f*** up Nic!!!!!” Hahahaha!!!!!! I know that I don’t write many controversial posts ……. so this question applies to any and all other blogs you regularly read.

You can answer anonymously if you prefer.

Peace…………… And thank you in advance for not “OUTING” any one in particular.

Much Love,
Nic

Quickie

2007-10-11T10:19:00.000-04:00

I was standing outside of my job yesterday, just talking on the phone to a new friend, when my ex rode by me in his ambulance truck. He didn’t stop. Didn’t even look my way, witch is kinda funny because about a couple of weeks ago he sent me a text saying “I’m sorry!” I hadn’t made any attempt to contact him and his text message was out of the clear blue. I didn’t put too much stock into it because, well for one it was sent at close to 2am on a Saturday morning (booty call time). And two…..it was just a damn text! The most impersonal way of communication known to man. I responded with a … “It’s cool” the next day, and just kinda forgot about him.

Of course, after seeing him I had an awful dream. In the dream, he came into my room with this weird rose vine for me and lay in my bed. He started to stroke my hair and back, and then started saying some crap to me, about never leaving me again. This shit, of course, woke me up.

I’m confused, because my subconscious is playing games again. Just some residual bull shit I guess. Oh well, the good thing is that when I saw him yesterday, I didn’t feel hate for him. I didn’t feel anything actually. I just finished talking to my friend for as long as his lunch break allowed.

Peace

A letter to Ms. Jones.

2007-10-05T09:15:00.000-04:00

Marion Jones, why are you trying to destroy me?

I’ve never done anything to you, and still you decided to give me the migraine headache of all times this morning?

I staggered around my house trying to wake up enough, so that I wouldn’t drown myself in the shower, and while listening to the news, I hear that you plan to admit to steroid use!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

After all those accusations, and all that denying??????

Immediately, I felt let down and embarrassed. At first I thought that it might be a racial thing. You know…. as an African American woman, I got that “she set us back” feeling.

But then, after a little time, I realized that that wasn’t the case at all. Race couldn’t have been my issue, because I didn’t care at all when that Barry Bonds steroid case came to light. And he’s a man of color.

My migraine came from this………..

YOU GOT ME MARION JONES!

You tricked me into believing that you were wrongly accused of using drugs. I was on your side. I defended your image during all the speculation. And you were lying through your baby teeth. You’re a cheat and a liar and I hate you!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, okay, …….. lol. That was a little extreme and childish so I take that back. I’m sorry, it’s just that, I hate to be wrong. Anyway...that's all I have to say.

Thanks for nothing,
Nic

p.s. Kick rocks!

What Goes Around....

2007-10-04T08:45:00.000-04:00

Antoine and I have been friends since my second year at college. That puts us ruffly around 2001. We have never been romantic, because I just don't like him like that. He has however made it known (a few times) that he is interested in me. We had a falling out a year and a half ago, because he could not comprehend the fact that I wasn't interested in starting a relationship. *If you've been reading this blog for a while than you can do the math. I was still messing around with my ex-boyfriend.* So anyway Antoine and I fell into the "a man and a woman can't be "friends" if their not screwing" category. We had a falling out where I cussed him out.......ROYALLY! and then we didn't speak for about a year. Well a few months ago, he reached out and apologized for the argument, and for not being understanding. I told him that I meant everything I said, and couldn't apologize for it. I was however willing to squash it, and that was cool enough for him. Not to sound vain or anything, but I guess he was just happy to be talking to me again.

So for the past few months we've been talking on the phone, going to movies, hanging out here and there. Nothing too serious, because I am not ready to be tied down just yet. He says that he will be patient. LOL! We'll see.

Since the car incident, I've been feeling kinda down. On Sunday (after they towed my car), he told me that he wanted to chill with me on Wednesday after work. I was happy to hear that, because I just wanted to get the whole thing off of my mind. Tuesday...while we were on the phone I asked him if we were still on for the following day. He says in a real apologetic tone that he can't, because he has to meet some lady about a job with Aflac, and that they would be going out to dinner after he gets off at his current job at 5pm.

Uhhhhhhhhh Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. So now we're corporate negotiators?

I said cool, and made other plans. Tuesday night, he calls me, sounding all pitiful, asking me if I could join him at this business dinner, because he was nervous or some sh!t.

Me: Ohhh, I'm sorry. When you cancelled on me I went on ahead and made other plans.

Him: (crickets chirping)

Me: Are you still there?

Him: Yeah.......just kinda.....(inaudible)

Me: Are you okay?

Him: I guess, I'm just kinda salty now. I was hoping I could see you, but I guess I messed up....There's no way huh?

Me: Well (laughing to myself), let me see if I can move some things around, okay? (without the slightest intention of doing any such thing.......I don't cancel on people unless there's a real emergency). I'll call you back in a minute.

So I hang up and get out of the rental, which I'm starting to like by the way, and head to my friends house. I tell the story and we laugh and sit down to watch "The Academy" at around 8:00pm. I leave her house at 10:00pm and call him after I take my sweet time to get into bed.

Me: Hey "A".... Did I wake you?

Him: No, what's up? (as happy as a puppy) Can I see you tomorrow?

Me: (insert fake sympathetic sigh) I'm sorry. I tried to move some things around, but....well I didn't want to cancel on them. I didn't want to be rude, you know. Maybe we can kick it another time.

Him: Okay.

We got off the phone after that. I slept pretty good. The next day he calls while I'm at work to ask how my day is going. I talk to him for a little while, the whole time maintaining my usual sugary sweet tone. With the work day over, I head home. Make it to my bed and try to catch a little sleep before I have to get up and dressed again. He calls at 5:15pm.

Him: Hey! How are you!

Me: (Sounding groggy, cause I was just falling asleep) Umm......I'm okay. How are you? Are you on your way to the restaurant?

Him: Man! I am so salty. You know I was going to meet the lady about my job, but my little sister called with an emergency, so I ended up rescheduling.

Me: Oh my g-d is she okay!?!?!?!?!?

Him: Yeah, remember I told you that she wanted me to buy her that phone? ( Awkward silence) Yeah, well anyway, she called me and asked me to meet her after work so I could go and get that with her.

Me: (silent)

Him: Are you still there?

Me: Yup.

Him: Oh, and the crazy thing is that after I cancelled with Aflac she (his sister) ended up telling me that she would just grab it another day.

Me: You cancelled an appointment about a higher paying job to get you sister, whom you see all the time, a phone? (thinking that either he has a really unhealthy relationship with his sister, or there was really no career negotiations to be had in the first place)

Him: (sounding a little defensive) Well, my relationship with my sis has been strained for a while, and I really want us to be cool. It may not be important to you or anyone else, but it's important to me.

Me: (with the sweetest and most patient voice you'd ever want to hear) Well "A", if it's important to you than that's all that really matters, right?

Him: Right. (calming down and sounding relieved) I just feel like an ass for canceling on two people. So....What are you doing?

Me: Just trying to get some rest before I go out.

Him: Oh, so you're still going out?

Me: Yep!

Him: Oh.....okay then. I guess I'll be able to find something to do.

Me: You always do.

Him: ............................... I'll let you go so you can get ready. Call me when you get in.

Me: (in my dismissive voice) Uh-huh,__________ goodnight Antione.

Him: Damn it's like that? Okay. Goodnight Nic.

I really wasn't that upset with him, I just wanted to teach him a lesson. My time is valuable, and I, just like a lot of other people on this earth don't like to be jerked around.

Peace .

Sorry

2007-10-03T09:45:00.000-04:00

Well the next few post will be a series of my unfortunate events.

Sunday 2:00am a drunk driver hit the sh!t out of my car. I had just parked it in front of the house. My new neighbor (some young married dude) held the driver for close to 45 minutes while we were waiting for the police. Unfortunately things got sticky when the passenger of that vehicle came back for his buddy, and helped him make a dash. The cops came 5 minutes later. I can't believe my luck sometimes!

Anyway, both officers were very nice. There was a black male in an unmarked, and a black female in a regular police car.

My favorite moment of the night had to be after the drunk offered us a measly $200.00 to let him go. The neighbor looks at my mom, and says.... "Do you want me to let him go?" mom says "no" then he says "Sorry, can't let you go then." And then he says real nice-like, "You're lucky you didn't hit my car.........I'd probably have killed you." The drunk was speechless. In the end, the cops didn't get the guys. The car wasn't registered to them (some girl in Elkins Park). It also wasn't insured. My car (04' sable) is done, and I just put $380.00 into it that Thursday. On top of everything I am going to end up paying the deductible, but at least I know that I have a great neighbor who went out of his way to do something for someone that he hardly knows.

I went out the next day to get him a "Thank you" card and a gift card from Target. I could only put $20.00 on it cause I am so broke. I wish I could have done more for him. He had a wife and a bunch of kids in that house, and I'm sure that he knows (like I know) that anything could have happened.

Well that's it for now. I have a bunch of other stuff to share with you guys. Love life stuff, work, and just hum-drum regular life stuff. TTY tomorrow!

So Tired

2007-09-18T08:18:00.001-04:00

I am so tired. As I'm typing this, my left eyelid is jumping. I am in serious need off some good sleep. I had something that I wanted to share, but honestly I'm too tired to write about all of that right now. Maybe I'll be able to pull myself together by tomorrow. I think I was in the beginning stages of catching a cold. I took a couple of Advil's last night, before I went to bed. I was just trying to ensure that I didn't wake up with a scratchy throat, and a snotty nose. Now I have an "Advil hangover". I am a lightweight, and I can't take anything really strong. I could never be a drug addict. I'd probably overdose and die from a lungfull of weed smoke. Well, back to me not feeling well... I just really don't feel like being at work today. I feel weak all over, and I didn't even really do anything strenuous yesterday. I can't wait until the weekend!

I'll get at y'all later!

Football Season

2007-09-12T08:13:00.001-04:00

I'm so tired of the Eagles.
Donovan McNabb is exhausting my patience, to say the least.
Why did they let Jeff Garcia go?
I am so disgusted.
Andy Reid......don't even get me started.
Thank g-d Pennsylvania still has the Steelers!

I don't have anything else to say right now.

Wait I'm back. Brian Dawkins can get it!

Bummin' It!

2007-09-07T08:52:00.000-04:00

I have a friend who is driving me crazy. Actually, I have a few friends that are driving me crazy, but I want to write about one in particular. I’ll just call him “E” for now. He is about 29 years old with a college degree from FIT. He has a daughter with a woman who lives in NY. He doesn’t have a car so he spends a lot of time on public transportation going back and forth from Philadelphia to New York to pick up his daughter and to see his girlfriend (not the babies’ mother). He recently purchased a triplex in Philadelphia.

Here’s the problem. He does not have a job. He’s been here in Philadelphia for about 6 months now and has been out of work for most of that time. He lives on the second floor of the triplex, but the other two floors are empty. He had hoped to be able to rent it out, but no one is interested. Nothing has panned out for him. He’s way behind on his mortgage and child support payments. Here’s my problem. He’s been crying about being broke and not having a job for months now. At first I was playing the role of the sympathetic friend. I mean I’ve been out of work before and I know how it feels. I tried to help him out and recommend places that might have openings, but he’s not been interested in anything. I’m starting to get the feeling that he wants someone to place a high paying job in his lap.

“E” only wants to do what he went to school for, and unfortunately in Philadelphia there isn’t a high demand for graphic artist with only freelance experience. I've asked him if anyone at his old school could help him out. He said “They only had connections in NY!”. It kinda irks me that he says that because NY and PA aren’t worlds apart. Is it so odd that I would think one of his professors might have a Philadelphia connection? Gawd!

I have recommended some places to him that were not in his field and he completely rejected them.Here’s the incident that made me look at him sideways. In Philadelphia they are building another Comcast building. It’s bringing a bunch of jobs with it. I looked over their site and saw oodles of jobs. I called him to tell him that he should check out their site. About a month goes past, and he calls me crying about the same crap. Telling me that he had been searching so hard, but that he cannot find a job, because no one wanted to give him a chance (he has limited experience). I asked him if he went to the Comcast site, and he said “No”. At this point I was thinking, “Well, then you haven’t looked everywhere”. I asked him why he hadn’t looked there yet and he gave me some bullsh** excuse, something like he couldn’t find it. So while I had him on the phone I went to the site (COMCAST.COM) and started reading off jobs to him. I was even nice enough to forward them along to his Yahoo account, (none of this sounds too complicated right?). The next day he sent me a reply saying that he wasn’t qualified for any of those jobs, but thanks. Okay, (not even a customer service rep?) I let that go. The company still had a bajillion other openings. And I mentioned that to him, but I could tell that he wasn’t going to look on his own. I f***ing hate to have to spoon feed a man like they’re a child.

Yesterday, he calls while I’m at the gym. More of the same stuff. That he “can’t find a job”, and he’s “been looking everywhere”. He was also upset because he had two tenants that were supposed to move in yesterday, but they flaked out on him. They gave him some bulls*** story, and then they were dust in the wind. I said, “Well did they sign a lease yet?” He said, “No, but we had like a verbal agreement!” I let him go on and vent about how he was depending on that money. It seems that, because he thought that he would be getting some income from his tenant, that he stopped looking for a job. He started talking about wanting to go and “find” them, and I guess beat them up. Haha! Are you serious?!?!?

I wanted to scream at him. They never signed a lease; therefore they’re not obligated to give you ANYTHING. Come to find out that he didn’t even really do any real background checks on these people. “Wow! And you were ready to let them move in today huh?” What a freaking idiot! I mean really! You’re 29?!?! I feel that he should have known better. I mean if you lived in a questionable part of town, and had a young daughter that stays with you half of the year, wouldn’t you do some type of background check on the people who could be moving above and below you? Wouldn’t you wait to get a check, and then wait again to see if the darn thing cleared? I tried to stay supportive, and tell him that things would eventually work out. I let him know that there were a few jobs that I’d heard about recently. They were not in the field that he was trained in, but it was something that could possibly hold him over. I even mentioned the idea of him coming to my company. He basically said that he was not interested, and that it didn’t seem like the kind of place he’d be happy to work at. Citing the excuses of another friend of ours. LAZY STUCK-UP BASTARDS!!! I guess he see’s the line of work I’m in as below him. Whatever, as long as I’m not out on the block, LOL!

My thing is, you have a child and a mortgage. Why are you being so picky? I told him that “I’m not thrilled doing what I do”, but that “I am very thankful for this job. It was something, when I had nothing. And to this day I’m close with all of my hiring managers, and trainers”. I talked about how I’ve been hoping and praying to be accepted into the Police Academy & have a real career, but until that day comes I will keep working at this hum-drum job.
And somewhere in my little speech I slipped and said, “Beggars can’t be choosers" referring to myself also. I guess he took offense to that, because he mentioned something about male pride and got off of the phone with me soon after.

I don't really care if I've offended him. He shouldn't have come to me with a problem, if he didn't want to hear my opinions. He knows I can't keep my mouth shut. Also, I’ve exhausted myself thinking of ways to help him out when he obviously doesn’t WANT to work. The way I see it, he should be happy that there are any jobs out there. Even if they are low paying, something’s better then nothing. I really hope that he’s able to pull himself together and find something. I don’t want him to lose his home, and I don’t want his daughter to suffer because of his stubbornness.

I hope things work out quickly, because isn’t 6 months a long time to be late with the mortgage?

Peace

Thursday Night Road- Whore

2007-08-31T12:24:00.000-04:00

6am – 3pm Worked
3am – 3:30 Drove home
3:30 – 4pm Hung out with two of my god-kids
4pm – 7:30 Mowed the lawn, weed-whacked the edges, pulled weeds in the driveway & in the front of the house, trimmed the bush by the curb, used the leaf blower for all the acorns and crap, swept, and sprayed down the pavement.
7:30 – 8:15 Took a shower and put on some p.j.'s.
8:15 – 8:45 Sat down and tried not to think about how hungry I was.
- 8:45 Got up, went outside (noticed there was already trash in-front of the house) and drove to Wendy’s to get a salad and some nuggets. While I was out that way I filled up my tank, and dropped off a movie I had rented last week. (Yes I still had my PJ’s on)

So I’m driving home, and I get stopped at a red light. There were two cars in-front of me and no cars in the lane to my right. A car pulls up in the right hand lane and stops right next to my car instead of pulling all the way up to the light. Ladies you know what it was hittin’ for.
Anyway I didn’t turn around I just kept singing along to my music and waiting for the light to change.

I’m a naturally fast driver, so I take off as soon as the light changes. Dude was on my heels though, and followed me from lane to lane. What a Tackball. The next light we got stopped at brought more of the same thing. He even tried beeping.The light changes and I'm off again.

There’s nothing but open road (really just street) in-front of us. I don’t know how fast we were going but we were within the speed limit.
There wasn’t anyone behind me for a while, so I just stopped. Don’t you know this fool stopped too? Right next to me! So you know I had to play stop and go with him for a little bit longer? LOL!
I decided that I would at least look over to see who it was. I was already laughing my a** off. I look, and to my surprise he looked very familiar. It is the same dude that was trying to race me about two months ago on the other side of town. I guess that’s his m.o.. Haha! So I roll my window down because at this point I was curious to hear what he was going to say. He looked at me and said

Him: Hey, why don’t you let me take you to dinner tonight.
*I look over at at his BMW SUV…it’s nice, but I’m still not interested*
Me: No thanks, I just came from getting some junk food.
Him: Hey girl, don’t I know you?”
Me: Yep
Him: From what?
Me: Same thing as tonight. Driving.
Him: Oh! Can I talk to you?
Me: Sorry, I’m going this way. (make a left turn and wave “bye-bye”. I could not stop laughing at dude)

That s*** was so funny to me. I mean twice in the past 6 months. Does he have a thing for Mercury Sables, or is he just a road whore?

“Can I take you to dinner tonight?” What type of girls are going for this crap? I mean it’s a Thursday night, we’re in cars (still moving might I add) and I don’t even know him. His approach was all wrong.

Maybe I would have been impressed if he could have gotten in front of me, and made me stop.

Haha! Beat the speed racer though?............ Please!

Have a great weekend y'all.

2007-08-28T08:41:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. Hope you had a great weekend. I did, but I'll write about that another time. Anyway, I've been tagged by Ms. Behaving.

The rules are self explanatory. Elaborate on the word(s) I've put in bold lettering below.

Accent – Don’t have one, but a lot of people have asked me if I was from Virginia. Don’t know if these particular people have ever BEEN to Virginia and heard an authentic accent, but whatever. I love an Irish accent. Also some southern, south American, and British accents.

I Don't Drink - Milk, or much liquor.

Chore I Hate – Dishes…..by hand, It’s something about having to stand in one place for a while.

Pets – I lovvvvve animals. I’ve had a bunch of different pets. Mice, snakes, fish, birds, lizards, hamsters, guinea pigs, cat’s, dogs. I would never bring another bird in the house though….ever.

Essential Electronic – My cell phone. It’s like the only decent electronic thing I have.

Perfume/Cologne - Normally I would keep this to myself, cause I don’t like copy cats, but I wear Lolita Lempicka Perfume.

Gold or silver – Gold

Insomnia – Just at work.

Job Title – Site Supervisor

Most Admired Trait – My eyes, and lips.

Kids – None yet. I’d like to be married and settled b4 I start to having babies.

Religion – I’m a Christian, but I don’t attend church often.

Siblings – One little sister. Thank god we don’t fight as much as we used to. Now she’s one of my best friends.

Time I wake up - About 5am every single day. I’m a creature of habit.

Unusual talent/skill – I wouldn’t say that it is THAT unusual, but I have a good memory for faces. Also I can still pass for 18 even though I’m pushin 27. Oh Yeah, I forgot. I can sleep forever if you let me. Seriously forever. LOL!

Vegetable I refuse to eat – Mutha-Fuggin Eggplant. Still the nastiest thing I can think of on this earth.

Worst habit – Being a people pleaser. I have gotten a lot better, but I still catch myself sometimes overextending.

X-rays - Never

My favorite meal – Baked Salmon with any green veggie, and a cornbread muffin. But the salmon has to be chilled. Come to think of it, I like most of my food cold.

Alright. Now that that’s done with I tag…………………………………….Ray-Ray & KiKi. I had to do it and now so do you.

Peace People.

Another Interesting Conversation.

2007-08-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

This is a conversation that I had just a few hours ago with a visiting supervisor who’s been helping me out for the week. We were talking about his 23 year old niece who lives with, and is spoiled by, her dad.

Me: Damn! She gets to sleep on till’ 2pm every day? And her father pays for everything! Car note, insurance, hair nails, rent……Wow, that’s the life. I can’t even relax after work. When I leave here I go to the gym, and when I get home there’s always cleaning to do.

NG: You go to the gym?

Me: Yeah.

NG: The gym? Why do you go to the gym? You’re skinny!

Me: I need to tone up and work on my stamina.

NG: Why?

Me: For this job I’m trying to get. It's in a field where I'll be required to be a lot more active.

NG: What field are you trying to get into?

Me: (straight-faced) Pornography.

NG…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(Fumbling) Ahhh. Oh. I uhh………………. (Looking conflicted confused and intrigued)

Me: Just kidding. Law enforcement…..You can breathe now.

I wish y'all could have seen his face. HILARIOUS!!!!

Have a good one people.

Peace

About Last Night.

2007-08-20T10:59:00.000-04:00

I had a bunch of crazy dreams last night. The one that disturbed me the most was about my ex. I haven’t had a dream about him in forever. Anyway, in the dream we met up, and he started hugging me and saying to me "You know I love you, right?" I had no response, because I knew it was a lie. *Hahaha! Even in my dreams he's a liar.*

I felt myself enjoying the hug though, and that's what woke me up. This little nightmare happened around 3am. I say nightmare because of the anguish I went through in the dream and after I woke up. Lying in my bed I thought about all the things (lies) he said to me during the last few months we were messing around. It hurts to be lied to no matter what the arrangement is. In our case they weren’t necessary. Telling me he loved me, saying things about having a little girl with me, all this and more….just lies and bull shit from him. Shoot I'd be surprised if he even remembers saying that stuff to me now.

Destroying his precious car wouldn't even make me feel better. I just want him wiped from my mind. At this point I feel like "Okay, (brain/heart) it's over. He's not the person you thought he was. Just forget about him, and put the past 5 years behind you."

It just kills me that my subconscious is sabotaging me like this though. I just wish that there were a magical pill that would make me forget about him completely. The good, the bad, the trips, the fights, chilling with his adorable kids, the work place antics, the sex, the love, the hate, the hurt, EVERY GOTDAMNED THING!!!!! I don’t want to remember any of it.

I don’t even want to hate him. It’s tiring. I just want so badly for everything that went on between him and I to be wiped from my memory. I can't believe that things turned out to be so ugly between us, or that I wasted so much time with him.

I Hate Work!

2007-08-16T09:44:00.000-04:00

This little guy knows how I feel, LOL! I imagine he's somewhere in between thinking.... "What the fuck are YOU looking at?, What the HELL do you want? & I’m going to KICK YOUR ASS!"
I don't know how or why he makes me laugh so hard, but he does. So he's my Thursday blessing. Why do I say blessing? Well it’s because before I saw him…I was really feeling like crap.

I had a headache, because I didn't get enough sleep. I had to train someone else this morning, and while I was flipping through papers I gave myself a paper-cut....ON MY BOTTOM LIP!!!!! Arghhhh! The next person that calls my name is gonna get "The Look"! And I'm gonna keep giving them “The Look” until they turn away from me.
Thank G-d I have my Advil.

Who do you want to give the look to, and why?

Peace

Happy n' Healthy

2007-08-15T07:01:00.000-04:00

I am so tired. I've been working out a lot at the gym. Nothing too strenuous. I’m just trying to build up some stamina. Currently, I’m 143 pounds and 5'6". I would love to drop maybe 5-8 pounds, but I won't be destroyed if I don't. I know that when you gain muscle you can also gain weight, and I'm okay with that. You know what type of body I would love to have? Jennifer Gardners’, ala Alias. I think she's so pretty. Neither one of us are heavy up top either, ha-ha! But still she has a nice shape to her. She looks strong and centered, but not too diesel. I don’t want to look like I just stepped out of the old school "American Gladiators" TV show.

Anyone know how many laps around a track equal a mile and a half? I'm tired of the treadmill. Well actually, I shouldn't say that. It's not the treadmill. It's the fact that every time I jump on a treadmill, no matter how far I distance myself from the other people; someone has to get on the one right next to me. WHY???? It just irks me. I don't like to feel crowded for no good reason. Can I breathe? Shoot!

Yesterday, while I was working out I noticed that there was a woman working with a personal trainer in front of me. She was a very large woman. It was the first time I've seen her at the gym. In a day where people sometimes cheat and get gastric bypasses to lose weight, I was glad to see that she was making an effort to put in time at the gym. Even though she was complaining to the trainer about everything, LOL! I know 2 people who have had that surgery and the thought of it is so scary to me.

At this point I work out so that I can keep eating what I want. Eventually that’s going to have to stop though, because the crap I like to eat can’t be good for my heart. I think that I'll take the day off today (from the gym). I don't want to over-do it. I just sneezed and the pain in my stomach tells me I've done too many sit ups. Now, if I could figure out how to download music to my cell...I'd be good! If I could get free music I'd be great! All the music in the gym puts me to sleep.

Peace

Out and About.

2007-08-13T11:33:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a little hectic for me. Saturday morning I went and got myself a French toast breakfast. Ate it, and fell into a deep sugar induced sleep afterwards (i'ma hafta look into that). Earlier in the week, I told my sister that I would give her a ride to our Aunts get-together. So around 3pm I woke up and called her to see if she still wanted to go out. Of course she said yes. I was still tired a shit but I dragged myself out of the bed and started getting ready to make moves.

Now about my dads family …. My father has 10 siblings, and they are a wild group. I never got to see them very often because of my mother. They aren’t mean or anything, but my mother (whom I lived with for most of my life) never really seemed to be on good terms with them. I think it was a jealousy thing. As a child, I knew that it was nothing that they did wrong. It was always because of my mother. They liked her. Heck according to them they still kinda like her (once family always family as far as they’re concerned), but because of the drama she was always going through with my father she kept my sister and I away from them.

I never wanted my mother to feel that I liked my fathers’ side more then her, even though I secretly usually did. My mom has always been very dependant on me and my sister. Her depression’s left her emotionally insecure. We all think it's because she doesn't have a life, and she can't/ won't work. That's just surface stuff though. I know that I've been a bit of an enabler, but shoot...she's my mother and I always though that she'd get better. The reality of the situation is that, I should have spent my childhood having fun and growing, and not trying to be the shrink that my mother needed. Oh well, can't go back in time. I didn't tell my mother that I was going to go to my Aunts party. I didn't feel like watching her spiral down into another pointless self deprecating episode. I think she suspected something was up though.

I left to pick up my sister, and then travelled back across the city to my Aunts house. We had a nice time, but left the block party around 8:15 pm. Both of us had other plans for the night.
I came back to the house so that I could hop in the shower again, and change clothes. Another friend was having a small get together downtown. I said hi to my mother as I was passing by, and I let her know Renee (that’s my sisters middle name) was outside talking to the next-door neighbors.

Mom: WELL SHE KNOWS WHERE I’M AT IF SHE WANTS TO SEE ME!

Me: Mom.....she is coming back here to see you. I was just letting you know in advance.

Mom: Oh....

Got damn! Why does everything have to be a battle, struggle, challenge, or a competition with my mother? Why all of the hostility? We are not two bitches off the street from her old neighborhood that she has beef with. We are her daughters for Christ sake! Neither one of us have put her through anything serious. Never once did she get a call from the schools saying that we were expelled. We never bought any babies into HER home; I never even smoked a cigarette....in life! The worst thing I ever did was bring in a few bad grades, and pout when it was time for piano lessons.Never asked anything of her. Stood by her. Tried to understand her. But still she insists on being a jerk.
I am tired of walking on eggshells around this woman. She wants everything to be about her. She is manipulative and cruel. And she passive aggressively demands loyalty that is completely unearned and undeserved.She wants everything. I can't be friends with my father, but she can. WHAT TYPE OF TOMFOOLERY IS THAT? Oh she’s completely crazy.She doesn’t even like me to have friends.

"Well mother my patience has run out. I'm tired of worrying about you first, and only. I have tried to work with you to break you out of this 25 year funk, but it’s pointless.You're not even a nice person at heart."

She left for New York again this Sunday. She was supposed to leave on Thursday to help my grandmother. Her phone broke as she was about to leave the house. I asked her if she wanted me to call my grandmother to let her know that she was on her way up there, and do you know what she said to me? "Wha….I don't care...do what you want." All ig'nant like.Well that was it for me. The final straw. I just went upstairs and changed my clothes. Came back outside and pulled off. I went to my friends house. I didn’t even wait for her to pull off and she damn sure didn’t get a goodbye. I spoke to my grandmother several times during the day.. My mother didn’t get there until exactly 12:00 midnight. It's only a 2 hour drive, and she left at 7:00pm. This lady just can't survive if people aren't stressing over her. Why she wouldn't stop to call from a pay phone to let somebody know something is beyond me. On top of everything she stole a whole big bottle of juice that I had stashed.Mother,Sometimes you're cool, but most of the time you're not.Your jealousy has overshadowed everything you do. It's like 50% of who you are.So I'm going to go back to "doin' me" You can keep lying in bed. There's no beef. I just need to be away from you. Yes, I will be moving back out SOON!!!

Peace

I Spy....

2007-08-07T10:44:00.000-04:00

I spy with my brown eyes something that starts with "D". Can you guess what it is? No? Okay I'll tell you........ a

Drop Top Hearse.

It was the hottest thing I've ever seen on wheels. LOL! I tried to get a picture, but it pulled around the corner before I could take it.

What do you spy, that just ain't right.....(besides the grammatical structure of this post!)

Peace

Clean the Filter

2007-08-06T10:17:00.000-04:00

Ever since I stopped messin' around with my ex, things have been going well for me. Saturday I got the letter that I'd been waiting for. The results from the Police Officers Recruit exam that I took in June. I PASSED!!!!!!! Yay!

I was starting to think that they forgot about me. Next thing I need to worry about is the physical. I've been going to the gym a lot lately. Hope it pays off for me.

Now that I have a lot more free time on my hand I have also been able to hang out with family more. I've also been able to spend more time with my crazy lil' god-son.

I really think that the negativity that my ex carried around with him was polluting my aura. It covered me like a shell. Now that he's gone, I am open to receive the gifts that the world has for me. However small they might be, I am happy to receive them.

What do you have going on in your life that you are happy about?
Share with your girl!

Peace

Update on The Ex, aka “G”, aka Papi, aka Cut-buddy!

2007-08-01T14:15:00.000-04:00

JMW & DC, y'all might not like this.

I started to fuck with my ex again because I was bored, and horny. I figured that since we were pretty compatible, (in bed) that, ehhh…..why not. Also, with him, I already knew most of his drama. There weren’t supposed to be any surprises.

There were other contributing factors I guess. Like I said before, (in older posts) my ex and I met in late 2002. Before I met him I had been abstinent for a little over a year. (Wait, does it still count as abstinence if you “satisfy your own needs”?) Anyway….. I’ve only had sex with one person since 2001. Too scared to lay down with anyone else I guess. Or, too lazy to look for another dude that could satisfy me. Anyway, for whatever reason I started to mix it up with him, it was a big mistake….BIG ……HUGE!!!!

The problems started about two weeks ago. We had plans to go out, but instead he asked me if I wanted to come to a picnic that his family was having. I said, “oh….you and the boys?” referring to his twin sons whom I adore. He said “no, everyone”. Well y’all know I had to pass on that. His family and I don’t really get along on account of the fact that I don’t respect any of them. Feel no need to be around those dramatic fools. And, I need to save all of my fake smiles for work…..Ya feel me????? Well after I said “no”, he had an attitude with me. Didn’t speak to me for a couple of days. Giving me the fuggin silent treatment like a damn girl. That’s around the time that my uncle died. I really didn’t need that extra shit. When we finally did speak, he was acting all funny. Lawd! I can’t stand a bitch ass dude. I could hear the attitude all in his voice. In my head I was like “Damn…..do you not remember how your mother was discreetly campaigning for your babies’ mom, while at the same time calling me her daughter in law? Inviting her to every single event she knew I would be at. Calling me on the phone, and asking me not to beat her ass?”

I remember that two faced shit. Anyway, days flew by and the anger both of us were feeling, kinda’ just faded away. He started to whisper sweet nothings in my ear …. again (this has been going on a lot within the past few months).

For some reason it didn’t sit well with me though.

When we started this *cut-buddy* relationship, we established that it would just be sex. I didn’t ask him how many women he was sleeping with. All I ever said was “be safe”. At first he was cool with that. Then whenever I would say it he would *act* all offended as if I were calling him a whore :) That’s when he really started acting as if I were his one and only. Even told me he wasn’t speaking/dealing with anyone else. Went so far as to let me lay up in his house when he wasn’t home. LOL!

Don’t get it twisted though, he always took his cell with him. That’s his second dick…his most prized possession. All of his little secrets neatly packed away into a tiny hand held fortress. And let me tell you. Like his real dick, he took it with him EVERYWHERE.

I remember one time, I had slept over. All night long his phone rang, but he would never answer it. The next morning he woke up and went to the bathroom. While he was in there his phone rang again. I looked at the phone and before I could even read the “m” in “Kim” I heard him running down the hall. LOL! All in a panic. I just walked by him and said “Kim called”. He (of course) had the stupid face. I just got my shit together and rolled. Laughing to myself, as he had a hissy fit in the background. Acting all confused, defensive & guilty. I should’ve never come back after that, but the dick was calling me. So this Friday, I end up sleeping over again. People were blowing up his phone all night long.

Saturday morning @ 7:00am, I wake him up because he has to get ready for work. While he’s in the shower, his phone rings. Twice actually. Both times the same girl..... Kim. I took that golden opportunity to go through his phone. Why?... Why not? Took a few numbers down, checked the pictures…..none of me up in there, but there were like 6 other girls. Some cute…..some not. I had taken a shower earlier in the morning. All I needed to do was brush my teeth and wash my face. When I was done I mentioned that he had a couple of missed calls. Keep in mind that it is 7:00am in the damn morning. Who else but a girlfriend calls that early?

Me: Kim called.

Him: Oh.

Me: Twice.

Him: (silent acting busy)

Me: So, is she another friend from work?

Him: No. She’s someone I’m trying to make stop calling me.

Me: Oh! ……….I went through your phone while you were in the shower
Papi.

Him: (inaudible noise) I don’t care.

Me: What about Tameka and Nikki? You trying to snub them too?

Him: They’re just friends. (Straight doo-doo face)

Me: Okay. (Gave him a lil’ smile)

Okay you want to play it cool? That’s fine with me. While I was walking to my car, he called out to me. “Damn, no kiss goodbye?” I said, “Yeah, just let me pull my car around first. I want to get out of this rain, ya know.” As I pull up alongside of his car, he has this face…like he’s waiting for me to snap. I just smiled and said. “I didn’t mess up your day did I? You look kind of nauseous.”
He said no, so I just smiled, and said I would call him later.

I knew what I was going to do. I was going to call them. I was in a rare mood. Feelin’ kinda bitchy. I get like that occasionally. This other part of me that I don’t really understand is hard to control at times. Sometimes I (the rational Nic) can control her. Other times…it’s like I just decides to sit back and enjoy the show.

I pulled up to my house and called “G”. I told him that I had taken a few numbers down and that I had to go make some calls. All in a little sing songy voice. And do you know what this fool said. "Okay Nic."
I go in the house and call Kim. I’m polite, but get straight to the point. We hit it off. She was cool. She asked me if he and I were in a relationship, and I told her “no, but with everything 'G’s' been saying it might be a possibility. I just want to make sure of a few things, before we go any further”. She seemed to corroborate his story right off the bat, which doesn’t really mean shit cause tricks lie. Her first words to me were
“Oh so what, did he tell you to call me? Did he tell you to say you’re his girl, and he don’t want me?” I explained how I got the number, told her why I called her. And let her know that he did not tell me to make any calls.

Well we got of the phone, (no beef I swear), and about 5 minutes later my phone rings. It’s “G” and he's mad as hell. Screaming and carrying on a lot over a call to someone he supposedly doesn’t even like. I was laughing to my self as he tried to jump down my throat. He was acting so out of character, and that’s how I knew that there was something serious going on between him and one of the other women. As he was “talking” to me, all I could do was laugh and say,
“Didn’t I tell you I was going to do this though? Did you think that I pulled those names out of thin air? Have I ever lied to you before? Well whose fault is it that you never took me seriously? Maybe that was your problem!”

I think that he was just scared that I was going to call the next group of girls, and mess up his plans. Well I don’t really need to do I. What ever those girls are doing, is on them. They aren’t of any real interest to me. The whole thing was just hilarious though. I mean really I expected more from him.I honestly thought that he would be able to have better control over situations like this. The whole thing makes me laugh, because…….well he fucked up. Wasn't I supposed to be completely under his control! Ha! Please!!!!! I know, deep down inside that I shouldn’t have stooped to his level of game playing, but darnit I want to have fun too. I mean shit I figure he’s been playing with my mind for years now, it’s only right that I be able to jerk him around too. All he had to do was just keep things sex based. He’s the one that started that “I still love you” crap. Not to mention that “let’s make a baby” shit. Pluheese!

If he would have just gripped me up, thrown me down, had his way with me and left me sleep on the ground…I would have been fine. Shit I love that type of stuff. Use me up baby! That’s what I get off on.He’s the one that tried to use the ole’ "rope-a-dope" tactics on me. BUT FOR WHAT? Why couldn’t he just keep it real with me? PUNK AZZ! Did he think that that was the only way he could keep me coming back to him? Fill me up lies…..keep me dazed and confused. Dude, it’s 2007 get your shit together. Don’t you know me by now? Don’t you know that I value honesty above everything? Dumb ass! So now you’re pouting cause some shit done blown up in your face and you didn’t see it coming. Bwahahahah! Didn’t I tell you not to fuck with my emotions? Did you think that I was really going to put my life on hold so that I could chase you around Philadelphia? Naw buddy! You can kiss my beautiful brown ass.Now I’m over here laughin’ to myself. Petty much? Yeah... I know it, but so fuggin’ what ! Karma’s a bitch, and I have a feeling that it’s just getting started with him.

Here are a few links, for anyone who wants to catch up on "The Ex".

Backsliding Again
Friday’s Trying to Destroy Me!
I Promised I’d Be Honest With Y’all!
I’m Getting Married Y’all……One Day.
Text Messaging While Tired.
Awwww Tuesday….
Is Paternity Becoming a Non-Issue?

Peace

Dead

2007-07-30T10:49:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone, I'm back. Sorry I haven't been posting, but I had a crappy week. Oh yeah....thanks to everyone who sent well wishes. They helped a lot.
As for my last post..... I was going to type a long explanation about my deceased uncle, and why I felt weird about his passing. I'll give you the short version. He wasn't a nice person. He had a lot of bad habits, that left me thinking that he got what he deserved.

That was last week though. Since then, my anger towards him has faded. There's really no point in being mad. He was family, and I loved him. I wish things would have been different. I wish that he could have been a different person. I wish that I would've had the heart to contact him before he died of prostate cancer. I honestly didn't think he was going to die so soon though.

His death turned the whole family upside down. Caused a lot of in-fighting, and just general drama. I can't wait for things to get back to normal.

Yeah........I'm done. Next post won't take so long I promise.

Peace

Family

2007-07-24T06:56:00.000-04:00

My uncle died yesterday.

He was my mothers only sibling.

I feel weird.

I'll explain later.

What Kind Of Bird Don't Fly?

2007-07-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

A Jailbird!!!!!

Sorry, lol! Sorry, that's joke I heard my uncle Sly (G-o rest his soul) tell his son when he went to visit him in jail a long time ago. Still makes me laugh to this day because, well....how could you say that to your locked-up son? LOL! Ahhhhhh, family.

This is another Manny post. I wasn’t going to post about him anymore, since I really don’t want to have much to do with him, but I decided to share this with y’all. Click here for a recap.

Over the weekend, I received two letters from Manny.

They made me think of how horrible life in prison is. If I wasn’t already on the right path, his letters would have quickly steered me there. If you know anyone that is leaning towards the criminal lifestyle..........tell them about this. Tell them about how prison is about the reduction of a person. Tell them how it’s about loosing just about every right you have. Some you didn’t even know were important to you.

1. Right to be healthy.
So, the first letter made my skin crawl. I threw it away so I will have to para-phrase. It starts off..........

“HEY SWEETIE. I’M HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY. THEY HAVE ME UP HERE WITH AN OUTBREAK MONKEY. MY CELL MATE HAD BEEN SICK FOR WEEKS. HE KEPT ASKING FOR A MED-SLIP TO REQUEST A TRIP TO THE INFIRMARY. EVERYTIME HE ASKED THE GUARDS FOR ONE THOUGH, THEY SAID THEY WERE “ALL OUT”. I GAVE HIM A PIECE OF MY PAPER, AND TOLD HIM TO WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG WITH HIM – THEN HAND IT IN TO THE WARDEN. WELL NIC…HE DID, AND TWO DAYS LATER THEY PULLED HIM OUT OF HERE. THE MEN THAT TOOK HIM AWAY HAD ON FULL BODY DISPOSABLE SUITS. LATER ON THAT DAY THEY GOT ON THE INTER-COM AND TOLD ME TO TALE OFF EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY UNDERWEAR. I WOULD BE LEAVING THAT CELL. I ASKED THEM WHAT WAS WRONG WITH MY CELLIE, BUT THEY WOULD NOT TELL ME. MAMI, I DON’T KNOW IF THE BOY HAD SCABIES, TB, OR HEPATITIS. THIS NI**A HAD TO BE CONTAGIOUS OR SOMETHING FOR THEM TO MAKE ME LEAVE ALL OF MY STUFF BEHIND. IF SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO ME THE BOY’S NAME IS RAYMOND ********* AND HIS INMATE NUMBER IS ********.”

Sorry about all of the caps, but that’s how he writes. People…..that was the first of a four page letter. I did not even finish the rest of the letter. Those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time might remember that one of the only things I am scared of on this earth are mold…. bacteria and germs. That’s right folks. I am a serious germ-a-phobe. So you can imagine my horror, as I’m sitting at my kitchen table (WHERE I EAT!!!!) reading this possibly contaminated letter.
I got right the fuck up and threw it in the trash, along with the envelope. Dude............... send that kind of stuff to your lawyer.......or a HAZMAT team. I’m itching just thinking about it. Anyhoooooo, I got up and washed my hands off…..TWICE! Then I went about the task of sterilizing everything in the kitchen. Bet he didn’t think there was a possibility he’d turn into this while in prison.

2. Right to keep friends.
Oooh! He just don’t know!............I was soooooo pissed that he sent me that germy letter. Words can’t explain how grossed out, and upset I was. I had to just keep reminding myself that he didn’t mean to put me in harms way. He’s just probably scared and lonely. But really!!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO READ THAT SHIT!!!!! I always said that if a friend of mine, or a family member were to get locked up, I would not write or visit. I’ve just always been like that. With him, I tried to hang in there, but I’m quickly loosing all motivation.

3. Right not to be bored!
On Sunday I decided to check the mail box again. (Checking for a letter from the PPD). What did I see?!?!?!?!? Another letter from the jail bird.
After holding it up to the sun and thinking things over, I opened it. I only did it because I saw something that looked like stationary heading through the envelope. I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a letter saying

“I’m in the infirmary...............dying”

Not wanting to take any chances I put on a pair of disposable gloves and went outside with the letter. And do you know what it was?
This fool sent me a written out list of his top 100 favorite songs. They were all slow jams. At the top of the list he wrote....

“SAVE THIS FOR ME!”

He has to be bored out of his mind to do this, and then to send it to me thinking I give a damn. He must really be losing his mind up there. What a way to go. Guess he should have been thinking bout that instead of breaking the law.

So, for anyone who thinks that their tough and that jail would be a piece of cake because they can hold their own in a fight…..think again. There are other factors to take into consideration.

I hope I did'nt offend anyone who might have spent time in jail or prison. Just wanted to share this story with you. Consider it my PSA. Hope this motivates people to stay on the right path and out of jail. It motivated me!

Peace.

Quickie

2007-07-23T07:33:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to take the time to say that I really appreciate everyone who posted a comment on my last entry. Y'all made it my absolute favorite post so far. Reading your "I would love it, if......" responses really made my day.

Who knew something so simple could be so therapeutic?
I loved reading, and responding to all of your comments. Hope y'all had fun too

And as always,
Peace.

I Would Love It, If.......

2007-07-18T07:39:00.000-04:00

I would love it, if two people..........just two people on the expressway knew how to drive this morning!

I would love it, if I could figure out why/how my boss is taking another week long vacation!

I would love it, if the price of gas wasn't stuck at "WHAT THE F***!!!!".

I would love it.............. if the man I dreamt about last night, was real!

I would love it, if it would love me.

What would you love?

Peace

An Interesting Conversation

2007-07-15T16:14:00.000-04:00

This is random, but I wanted to share with you what I go through on a pretty regular basis with my mother. The following is a conversation I had with her a few days ago over a quick/light dinner of "Gorton's fish sticks". For any of you that don't already know...my mother is not quite right. She suffers from severe depression, and a bunch of other things. If one were to ask me, "What type of mood has your mother been in for the past 26 years?" I would say. "Menopausal!" I moved in with her recently to try to help out with a few things (the house is a "Sanford & Son" mess), and to keep a closer eye on her.

Let me set the scene. I've stopped cleaning and come into the kitchen to grab some fish sticks. She's already got a few on her plate, and she's also eating cold corn with tomatoes in it.

Me: Hey mom, you want some ketchup?

Her: No.

Me: Okay..... (looking at her plate, and those dry ass fish sticks) you sure? I already got it out right here.

Her: No.....I already got ketchup on my plate right here (pointing to one of the tomatoes).

Me: No. You don't have ketchup, you have a tomato there. (I'm almost laughing at this point, because I can tell that the conversation is going nowhere good, fast. In general she doesn't like to talk to me, but this day I just couldn't resist messing with her.) "And what is that anyway? (referring to the corn and tomatoes) That looks nasty.

Her: Corn and tomatoes! It's good.

Me: It looks like it taste nasty. Must be an old folks thing.

Her: MEXICANS EAT IT!

Me: (chirping cricket sound)*after a couple minutes of silence.*

Me: (noticing that her hair is wet) Did you want me to blow dry your hair for you?

Her: No thank you. It's too hot in this house I'll do it on the side of the house later.

Me: You'll do what??????

Her: Blow dry my hair...... outside....... I've done it before.

Me: You're not serious are you? (kind of' laughing) You didn't do that, did you?

Her: Yeah, right over there (pointing towards the side of the house, still eating cold corn and tomatoes). It's too hot to do that inside!

Me: I could turn the A.C. on. (At this point I’m thinking "Dang! you just got to give the neighbors something else to talk about huh!)

Her: NO! People in north Philly do it all the time. They do worse then that. Braiding hair and relaxing hair all on the front porch! (She's pissed now)

Me: *eating my fish sticks. 2 minutes of silence pass*

Her: WHAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY!

Me: What.......nothing.

Her: Oh, I thought I heard you say something smart.........You didn't say anything?

Me: No.

Her: You didn't say anything?

Me: No, but I was thinking something real hard.

Her: Oh (sitting back down in her chair). I thought I heard you say something.

Me: UhhhhhhhhhhNo!

Ahhhhh, Family dinners. Don't know why this makes me laugh so hard whenever I think about it. Really, she was about to go animal kingdom on my ass. Sometimes she just snaps and gets all dominant female on me. Usually whenever she feels threatened I suppose. Guess we got off on the wrong foot or something after the whole birth.....ere I mean cold corn and tomatoes thing. The whole scene was crazy-funny to me.

Peace

Ewwwwww!!!!!!!, Exit Stage Left.

2007-07-12T13:20:00.000-04:00

Time for an update on the jailbird. As some of you may already know I have a friend/associate/fake-brotha' that is currently locked up for selling. If you’re not familiar with the story click here & here. A lot has happened since I’ve last written about Manny. I’m still not comfortable with the way things turned out, but I figured I owed y’all an update, so here it goes.

I never told Manny that I saw his daughter looking less then “girlie”. We talked on the phone a bunch of times and he sent a few letters, but I never told him. I read everyone’s comments regarding this issue. For the most part I agreed with y’all. I would want to know if my daughter were being mistreated too. The reasons I kept my mouth shut were…………

1. I felt like I needed to get some proof before I just started blabbing. It might have been a rare isolated incident. Kids get dirty sometimes, and maybe she had had a long day.

2. Manny is (for lack of a better word) crazy. With his personality, I could easily envision him losing it up in jail. He has a very bad……well that’s not a good word for it…..NASTY temper. He gets emotional, quickly. Not that “lets talk it out” emotional either. That “I’m gonna’ kill anyone who even ask me what’s wrong” emotional. Arguing, fighting, stabbing……. These things and more never bothered him while he was a free man. And unfortunately from what I’ve been reading in his letters & what he’s been telling me over the phone, nothing’s changed. I didn’t want him to lose it while in prison. That would have definitely put more time on his bid.

During all of this with Kay-Kay, I was busy planning and executing my move, so in all honesty I didn’t devote as much time to her as I should have. At one point early on, I did ask him for Dawns number & told him to let her know that I would be calling.

I didn’t use the number like I had planned. Instead (and yes I know it’s rude) I started to just pop by. Dawn lives kind of close to my mothers’ house so it wasn’t really hard to do. I just wanted to see how they kept Kay-Kay on an average day. Maybe the night I saw her had been a particularly hectic one.
Unfortunately, every time I went over there, nobody was home. I started to feel like a stalker. Always out there on the porch, ringing bells and discretely peeking through windows. It was frustrating. I wanted to call, but by then I had lost/packed up the paper with her phone number on it.

Between taking the test for the sheriffs department, the police dept., moving, taking care of moms, counseling sis, re-connecting (a lil’) with my dad, work. etc, etc, I was overwhelmed and tired. I know it sounds bad, but I kind of forgot about Kay-Kay.

Weeks later……….
I received a couple of letters from Manny. The first was cool. Just basic blah-blah-blah stuff. The second one started off alright, but then he got a little “too familiar”. He expressed concern that I was moving back into my mother’s house. He wrote that he didn’t like the fact that I had to budget my money. Then, and this is where things started to get yucky for me, he wrote that he wants to take care of me when he gets out. HUH?!?! At this point I’m thinking “NOT WITH YOUR SAVED UP DRUG MONEY BUDDY!” But I stopped focusing on that as I read the next few paragraphs. I don’t know what was going on in his head, but ewwwww!!!!! The things he wrote were just straight up gross. I don’t care that he was locked up when he wrote it to me. I don’t care that he hasn’t been with a woman in close to a year. The things that he said he wanted to do with me completely turned my stomach. That note…ughuckk! Talkin’ bout’ wanting to kiss me, and screw me 6 ways from Sunday. He should be ashamed of himself! Regardless of if these feelings were always there (for him)…..he should have kept them to himself. I have NEVER, EVER been interested in him sexually/physically/romantically. If anything, I always looked at him as a big brother. I can’t tell you how disgusted I was. I actually didn’t even finish reading the letter. There was no way I could - without a CSI blue light to detect if any biological fluids had come into contact with the paper. I put it down and never picked it back up!

Later on that week, I got a call from him. He told me he was in Philadelphia. He had been transferred to one of the prisons in our area, because he had a new court date/trial. We talked for a little while. He told me that he would be able to call me more often, *insert sarcastic, half assed “Yay!”* I told him that I went to Dawns house a few times to see his daughter, but never had any luck. He gave me Dawns’ number again, but told me that the phones over there were out anyway. He said that he had been trying to call for a while. We spoke about Kay-Kay, and he asked me if I had gotten his letters. I kinda’ mumbled an answer. He said that the last time he spoke to Dawn she’d mentioned that the mother was still in rehab, but that she had come to take Kay-Kay with her. Manny suspected that it was another scam of hers - aimed at getting free housing. I told him that I would try to check in again, so that I could get the full story. The automated voice came on to tell us that we had 15 more seconds, so we said our goodbyes. (Thank g-d he didn’t say anything gross during that conversation).

As soon as we got off of the phone I drove around to see if I could catch Dawn. Big surprise ….. she wasn’t there. The next day after work, I stopped by again. There were a few older kids on the porch. I introduced myself as Manny's’ friend, and asked if Dawn was in. Miracle of miracles she was actually in.
We talked for a while. I told her that Manny had been trying to get in touch with her to check on his child. Specifically, to find out whether or not the mother had taken her to the rehabilitation center to live with her. Dawn explained that, yes

“Kay-Kay is staying with her mother during the weekdays, and Mans sister is keeping her on the weekends. Her mother is keeping Kay-Kay to help her get a home through some type of welfare program.”

For the most part Dawn doesn’t even watch Kay any more. I asked if there was anything that I could do. And she said no. She asked me how Manny was doing. I told her that he was fine, but that he just missed his daughter. I asked her if there was another number that I could give Manny and she gave me her cell number. I gave her my number in return, and thanked her for coming out to meet me. She seemed like a nice person. ( I felt like such a social worker). The inside of the house was cool. She doesn’t even really watch Kay that much any more, and there’s nothing I can really do, but pray.

The stress of worrying about someone else’s child, and trying to digest the fact that my one-time play big brother is now using my image when he “rubs one out”, is just too much for me right now. I relayed all of the vital information to Manny, and that was that.
I am taking this opportunity to exit the whole situation.

Peace

Hey!

2007-07-11T15:09:00.000-04:00

As much as I would love to post something today, I can't. Work has been crazy. I know a lot of you can relate to that. I just wanted y'all to know that I didn't forget about you. I will have something up by tomorrow, I PROMISE!

Peace

Wow!

2007-07-06T09:06:00.001-04:00

I got to work on time today, and it DIDN'T kill me.

Go figure.

Nothing Even Matters

2007-07-05T07:29:00.000-04:00

This has been a crazy week for me. I feel like I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster. Mom, MEN, grandma, friends, ex-friends, kids, WORK, arghhhh! I’ve been really stressed out. More so than usual, haha! It seems like I just can’t get myself out of this funk. Everything’s getting to be a little too much.

In other news.... I bust my ass, AGAIN! Totally forgot that I'm now sleeping on a twin instead of a queen mattress. After waking up early to chase one of my mothers' cats (really, she's a dog trapped in a cats body) out of my room, I sat down on my bed, closed my eyes.......and leaned back ........................... ...... ONTO NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
Rolled right the fuck off the side of the bed. Wouldn't have been so bad if the bed wasn't so high off of the floor. And of course (with my wonderous luck) there is no carpet in my room. Managed to keep one foot on the bed as I rolled off though. LOL! Yeah, nothing's going right.

Hope y'all are having a better week than me.

Peace

Sittin' at Work......

2007-06-29T15:32:00.003-04:00

Yeah they got me. I'm still at the office. My dickhead boss got me all caught up in some "it's Friday, I-know-you-aught-to-be-home-but-I-got-your-ass-anyway" bull shit.

This particular boss is a lazy drunkard. It seems like he can't accomplish the simplest of task on time. I have to call and call and fax and e-mail him over and over just to catch his attention. He constantly talks shit about the people who work for him. Even tries to pit me against them. All that does is make me distrust him. God only knows what he thinks about me. He rarely ever comes to this office. I used to think that he had too much on his plate to get over here. Now I'm thinking hangovers.

Y'all have a blessed weekend.

Peace

Sittin at work.....not working though.

2007-06-29T15:32:00.001-04:00

Rantin'

2007-06-27T08:13:00.000-04:00

1. Why do some people hate cops?

I just don’t understand. I mean, yes, I know that there are some bad cops out there. But there are bad people out there in many different professions. Crooked preachers, who are just out for money. Crazy doctors and nurses, raping people in comas & stopping lives because they feel like it. Teachers sleeping with their underage students. The list goes on and on. Why the negative focus on cops? When your house is broken in to..….who do you call first? .....911. When someone steals your car, what numbers are you dialing?.... 911. When your scared because you don’t have any family, and your dude is going upside your head….who’s attention are you trying to get?....That’s right …..coppers.
Why is it that when I mentioned to my 15 year old g-d child that I had taken the Police Exam she replied,
“Ewww, you gonna’ be a snitching!?”

2. I must have one of those faces.

You know the one that makes people think that I always want to be bothered with them. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a people person, and I do like to help when I can…..but shit! Can I get some personal time? The last time I checked I was not listed as a psychiatrist. I damn sure don’t get paid like one. So why is it that every single day, these people at my job feel the need to talk to me? They’re like kids. 90% of the time they don’t even want anything but my attention. Can I breathe people? It starts as soon as I come in. At this point I have a small team of 7 people working unde/for me. As soon as I come in they bombard me with their needs and wants. I always deal with their issues. Usually with a smile if the occasion/problem isn’t somber. But they start as soon as I come in. And it’s not like I don’t have work to do. I don’t know if it’s because of the positioning of my office……. The fact that I’m young compared to the majority of them. Do they think I have more energy then them? Anyway, instead of bitching about it I will just ignore as many people as I can. No, I won’t neglect my work. I’m just not going to keep breaking my neck for every idiot who feels the need to say “good morning” while I’m pounding the keyboard. Even as I type this someone is in my ear telling me something I don’t really care about.

Somebody please explain…………..WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace

"Give them nothing, but take from them - everything"

2007-06-26T12:19:00.000-04:00

That ^ is the most famous line from the movie "300". If you haven't seen it, check it out. It’s great! Anyway this post isn't about a movie. It's about guarding your feelings, and protecting yourself against two faced people. Namely, Ex-friends.

Now if you are new to my blog, you probably don’t know about the drama with my ex-best-friend “T”. So here’s the background info. She and I were best friends for around 10 years. Complete opposites, but complementary. She recently trapped a man with a baby, but isn’t actually sure if it’s his, or the random dude she fucked at work. Because “A” (the supposed babies’ father) was all but married to another women, they went through all the ghetto drama you could ever imagine. I stood by her for more then 9 months while they were going through it. And when everything eventually settled, and she was content that she had the man that she wanted, I was basically left out in the cold. When I realized how manipulative she was, I stepped out of the picture completely. Since then, she has made a few attempts to draw me back into her world. But I’m not having it.

This Thursday she called me and asked me to come outside so that I could see her and the baby (her aunt lives next-door to me). I came, but I didn’t really have any rap for her. She’s put on a lot of weight in her mid section. I think she’s preggers again. LOL!

Seeing the baby again was cool, but I felt like he was just another cute little kid, not my god-son. It was weird. "T" and I spoke for a while, but it wasn’t anything of substance. Just - who shot who, and how is the family? We never used to have a hard time communicating. She tried to get into my personal life, but my armor was air tight. She asked me about who I was seeing, and how my mother was. What was up with my sister, and if I had plans for the weekend, & what was up at the job. I managed to dodge all of her questions, without seeming bitchy (or at least I think so) LOL! She mentioned how nice my ring was TWICE! I guess she wanted to know who I was dealing with, who gave me the ring, and if I was engaged. Every time she bought it up I would just say “Thanks” and change the subject. She had a little something on her ring finger also, but I didn’t comment on it.

I entertained her as she told me that her son was “bad”. I just gave back little responses like “oh really”, “why”, & “how did that happen?” (my guess would be continued bad parenting on her side). Mostly I was just absorbing everything. Most of all the fact that she looked like crap.When her babies’ father came over, I was actually happier to see him then her. We talked about school and his two jobs. After he left, I said my goodbyes. I told her that I would call to chat the next day. I think we both knew that wasn’t going to happen.

She trapped a man with a baby. She’s not sure who the father is. She screwed me over, after 10 years. I can never trust her again. So from now until forever, I will be polite. I will visit with her child as long as she lets me. But I will never again give her anything of myself. That aught to teach her that you can’t just play around with peoples feelings.
Everything positive that comes with me – stays with me. Give them nothing, but take from them – everything!

Question: Anyone else go through anything similar to this?

Peace

Paternity Becoming a Non-Issue?

2007-06-22T09:49:00.000-04:00

Is paternity going to become a non issue soon? Will anyone care who fathered who in the upcoming years? With the growing number of babies’ daddies/mama’s, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It seem like every time I turn around someone is being dragged into court, with orders to submit to a paternity test. It’s all over the news (Anna Nicole Smith &Maury). In the tabloids, (Eddie Murphy & Mel B). And of course, on the block. It seems like as soon as a woman gets pregnant, there’s someone questioning if she’s been faithful.

There are two cases that I want to discuss here in this post.

1. Y’all know that I’m still sleeping with my ex right? Well he has two children. Identical twin boys to be exact. They are two of the sweetest, most adorable (when they want to be) boys that you’d ever want to meet. The thing is …………..I don’t think that they are his. My reasons for feeling this way are as followed

a. From what he’s told me, the dates don’t really add up.

b. They don’t look anything like him.

c. Two dark skinned people with dark skinned parents and darker grandparents don’t usually make light-bright children.

d. She’s the skankiest, most opportunistic whore I’ve ever encountered.

Now, he’s loved & taken care of those boys since they came into the world, but there was a time when he was considering a paternity test. Somehow between the months where she denied all access to the boys & when she had completely abandoned them, it got put on the back burner. He’s a nice guy. I think that after years of taking care of the boys, he just grew to love them so much that he couldn’t bare the thought of them NOT being his. Now it’s not even an issue. While we were together, I didn’t say anything on the subject. It wasn’t really my place, and also I knew (with my big mouth) that once the flood gates opened there would be no closing it. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings in any way, or make him feel like he’d been taken advantage of. Recently though, since we’ve been in this “open-buddy” thing I asked him.

“If you found out that the boys weren’t yours, would that change anything?”

He said “No”.

I don’t know what to think. I mean it’s cool that he’s the type of person that would still take care of someone else’s kids. But honestly I think that he’s a sucker for it. Judge me if you want to. I don’t care. Something’s got to give. At the very least I would want/need to see that skeevy bitch of a B.M. put in her place. That gutter whore has been acting like the world owes her something for too long. Just cause she knows how to lay on her back. Pshaw! I can pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time……..where the fuck are my riches?

2. A girlfriend from high-school just had a bombshell dropped on her. After getting into a small argument with her man over a text message in his phone (from a girl) he said……

“‘Baby girl’ isn’t even mine anyway.”

Now this is where the story gets kind of iffy to me, because well honestly, who can you trust anymore. Anyway according to her, HIS step-mother purchased an in-home/send out paternity kit. They took it without my friends’ knowledge or consent. The results showed that he wasn’t the father. He took the testing March, and he sat on the results.

You’d think she’d be humiliated right, but no. She just told him,

“Sorry, I thought you WERE her father. I would’ve told you if I’d known differently.”

After confronting the “other man”, he admitted to putting a hole in the condom for the express purpose of getting her knocked up.

In the end the little girl just ends up with two daddies….for now. The original dude took a step back for a second, but couldn’t stay away long. She is currently on good terms with everyone, except for the step-mother who bought the test.

The way things are going, people will be able to buy paternity test kits at their local Wal-Mart or Target (for you well to-do folks).This is a huge step away from the days where women were stoned to death for just the suspicion of screwing the “next man”.

It just seems like nobody cares anymore. What do you think?

Have a great weekend everyone.

Peace

Crushin' On This Him Since............

2007-06-20T09:28:00.000-04:00

I've been crushin' on Mos Def since forever. Why don't they play more of his music on the airwaves? I know he's not classically handsome or anything, but he's so talented, charismatic, and driven. The thing that really gets me though, is his uniqueness. Anyone out there have a crush on someone who isn't "the norm"? Tell me about it.

P.S. Press play to listen to "Brown Sugar". It was at the very end of the movie Brown Sugar. The beat is so smooth. There is no visual to the above youtube clip. Just a picture of my man. Enjoy, but not to much ladies.

Peace

Keeping Busy, and Out Of Trouble!

2007-06-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

Hey! I managed to stay strong this weekend. I didn't give in to the lures of my "cut-buddy", and that was a challenge cause you know 'it' be calling me. LOL! I had to resist though. If I'd given in and allowed him to get my "chi" I wouldn't have had any energy to take my exam, or do any of the other things I needed to do this weekend.

Here's the rundown.

Friday after work, I went home and did a little cleaning in my room. It's still a pig-sty due to all of the crap that my mother piled in there in my absence. (I swear she could open up an entire store with all the pocketbooks and shoes she's collected.) I talked to Papi, for a little while. He mentioned that his partner from work was going to be taking the exam as well. Argh! one more person I have to compete with. So I immediately went on the attack.

Me: "Tell him he might as well stay home."

Him laughing: "Haha, don't start that bully stuff Nic. Nobody's scared of you."

Me: "I don't think he's officer material....lacks discipline, and what is he...5'4"? Plus, from what you tell me, he's a lazy whore. What kind of back-up is he gonna provide? "

Him laughing: "You're crazy!"

Me: "All I'm saying is, he shouldn't waste his time."

Nic's all about eliminating the competition.

After that I fell asleep. I think I was too excited about the exam.
Saturday, I woke up around 6:30am. Damn I love weekends. You can just float along at your own pace. I sat around in bed, imagining everything that could possibly be on the test. Thinking back to the areas I studied in the study guide. I got up around 7:15am and went to my favorite breakfast spot. I got a to-go platter of hot beef sausage, scrambled eggs with cheese home fries w/ onions, toast with butter and jelly, and orange juice. Came back home, climbed the 40 stairs it takes to get to my bedroom, and pigged out. I can't even explain how content I was at that moment. I knew that my test wasn't until 1:30pm, so I just took my time eating and watching cartoons. (Yes I still watch cartoons every now and then. Don't judge me :) ) Just enjoying my morning, and waiting for that "itis" to kick in. See my plan was; to fill myself up with food early in the day. Take a long nap and wake up with enough time to get dressed. The last thing I wanted was to be sitting in the classroom tired and hungry.

I got up around 12:00pm. Got in the shower threw on some clothes and left the house. I guess you could say my attire was GAP casual. Nothing special, just some khaki's and a white blouse. I'm taking the time to let you all know this because, I need to mention something. I try not to be judgemental, but I couldn't help but notice that some of the women that came out to take the test were dressed like straight whores. Now I'm not the authority on fashion, and I know that it was just an exam, not an interview, but DAMN! I wish I would have taken a picture. Titties and ass!!!!. Now in all fairness it was only a small hand full of girls that chose to dress this way, but still. I mean really it was like they got dressed to apply for the job of a Maury Povich "Sexy Decoy". Have some self respect ladies. Anyway the wait in the line wasn't long at all. It was actually quite pleasant. There was this fine ass dude in front of me. I passed the time in line looking at him and wondering just why the hell I had on that fake wedding ring again?????
They let us into the building and sectioned us off. I'm praying that Mr. Sexy in front of me will be taken to another group so that I can concentrate on the darn test, but nooooo! He gets seated near me, and I'm forced to smell his cologne while the administrators go over the rules. Ladies......I don't know what he had on, but the whole time I was like one of those girls in the "AXE" commercials. You know the ones where the girl is so overcome by the sexy scent she's forced to say,
"Owww! Bom Chika Wah Wah!"
There were about 45 other people in our particular classroom. The people that were administering the exam were slow as hell. And they had the air conditioner set somewhere between
"F**k ya'll!" & "Don't like it?....kill yourself!"

Once the test started I was in the zone. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. They gave us 45 minutes to study a booklet, and then 2 hours to take the actual test. I think I did pretty good, but we'll see.
When it was over; I called my mother & walked to my car/sauna. I got back home in about 10 minutes and called Papi. I wanted to see what time his lil' punk ass partner took the exam.

Him: "Ha! that fool didn't even go."

Me: "That was a waste of $35 bucks." (Referring to the application fee)

Him: "He said he pulled up next to a police officer, and he decided that he didn't want to do that with his life anymore"

Me agitated: "Well did he get hassled or something?"

Him: "Naw..."

Me: "He's a lazy, indecisive, punk! Told ya' he wasn't force material."

I love it when I'm right!

The rest of the weekend was boring, so I won't get into the blah blah details. Hope you all had great weekends though.

Peace.

C.O.P.S.

2007-06-15T14:29:00.000-04:00

I'm scheduled to take the Police Officers Recruit exam this weekend. Wish me luck ya'll!!

Awwww Tuesday...

2007-06-08T08:55:00.000-04:00

Tuesday was such a nice day.

Work was really nothing special…as usual. But everything else that day was great. Remember the two guys that helped me move, Jason and Eric? Well Jason, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, is getting engaged. Yay! His girl is wonderful, and even though I’ve only met her once, I’ve been rooting for them since forever. Anyway, he’s decided to propose this Saturday, after they go skydiving somewhere in PA. He purchased a ring from a store on Jewelers row. It’s in the center city area, close to my job. Unfortunately, because he works out in the boondocks and doesn’t get off of work until late, he’d have a hard time getting to the store to pick it up. So he arranged for Eric to pick it up (he’s not driving, but he lives close to the store). Eric then brought it to my job around lunch time. And it was my job to take it to Jason later, around 6:30 – 7:00pm. He’s 29 years old, and even though I’m no expert on what makes a great marriage, I think they’re ready. I was just really happy to see that he was willing to go through with it. He has put so much planning onto this. The ring is well, eh….cute. Definitely not my style, and the diamond is flawed. But what matters most is what it represents. I’m just gushing because I’m so proud of him. And very happy for them even though I probably won’t be invited to the wedding, but that’s another story.

At around 3:00pm I left work, got in my car and started to head home. I called my mothers cell to see if there was anything that she wanted. She was at the Social Security building, and very upset because they had messed up her check. She was screaming that now all of the checks she wrote would be bad because she didn’t have the money in the bank to cover it, like she thought. It’s always friggin’ something with my mother. But this time I didn’t stress it. I just got off the phone with her and headed to the MAC machine to get some money for her.

When I got home she wasn’t there. I headed to the kitchen to stash the money, and what did I see ?????? A letter ……for me, from the City of Philadelphia Personnel Department. Yay! Inside there was a letter that said I was scheduled to take the Police Officer Recruit Exam June 16th 2007. I’m so happy to have received this. This is like my step #1 to get into the Police Academy. Yes, I know it’s going to be a long wait between the time when I take the test, and when I hear something from them. But I really don’t care. I want this bad! I’m so happy I put my new address on the application all those months ago. That letter totally makes up for the suck-ass Jury duty notice I picked up at the apartment. That fucker came on light pink paper with all red lettering. I think it’s their little way of getting my attention since I "forgot" to report last time.
Anyway, I’m home. I chill for a little while. Take a short nap. And around 5:30pm get up to take a shower. I get dressed…again, grab the ring and head out to Jason’s house to drop it off. He’s only 10 minutes from my mothers house. We chat for a little while he takes the ring out to inspect it. I can’t really tell anything from his facial expression. But I guess everything’s cool with it because he doesn’t complain. After about 5 minutes I excuse myself, and head on up to see my buddy. Yeah, ya'll didn’t think I was doing all that extra shit to drop off a ring did ya! It takes me another 20 minutes to get there. I walk up the stairs through the door, and up the next set of stairs. All the lights are off, but he’s left the television on in his bedroom. I can hear the water running in the bathroom down the hall. He calls my name from the shower. I don’t answer. He calls again, and I tell him I’ll be in the bedroom waiting. So I’m in there watching COPS happy about how the days going. He comes in and turns the channel. This starts an argument, which turns into a play fight, which leads to a tickle fight. And that ain't nothing but me laughing hysterically. He stops to let me catch my breath. With that opening, I jump on his back and try to choke him from behind. That prooves to be pointless, cause he just stands up and throws me on the bed. He's 6'5" to my 5'5", so nothing I do is really affecting him. I tell him,

"You know this shit is going to stop when I get my piece, right?".

He says

"What are you talking about?"

I get up and show him my letter. And tell him when I get out on the streets, he better watch out. This just starts another fight. I love to wrestle. Afterwards he tells me he's happy for me and he hopes I do well. Even gives me a hug. Awwww. He turns to Mtv Movie awards and we start watching that. Why…I don’t know. Anyway, he starts taking off my clothes. Laying there, he tells me how nice I look in my purple panty and bra set. I thought he was going to rip his towel off right there and then. But instead, he asks me where would I like to get rubbed first. My feet or my body. I hold up a foot and he starts to rub. Oh my god. this man knows my body. He gives the best massages. He (oh my gosh I’m getting relaxed in that special way just thinking about it) started with my left foot and rubbed for a little less then ½ an hour. He did the same with the right. Then he turned me onto my stomach and started rubbing my legs. Ya’ll know this man kept rubbing for another hour. I was so relaxed. It was just what I needed.

He never was a slouch as far as giving massages was concerned, and he’s had like 4 ½ years to perfect this skill. He knows my body so well. He kissed me all over. Gave me some oral delight and when I was all relaxed and unsuspecting, he grabbed a magnum XL and "took it" ! And I loved it! Damn, damn, damn! I loved every second! Afterwards we lay in the darkness. I couldnt really sleep so I told him to

"Rest-up while I take a shower."

I just can't sleep (even for 1/2 an hour) all sweaty and sticky. Sorry, just not that type of girl. Anyway came back in the room like gang-busters. Had to grab another condom, and jump on the dick. It's too good. I couldn't leave without 'one for the road'. Afterwards,.... Yes damn-it! I did get in the shower again. Got dressed while he was laying on the bed. He said that there was some spaghetti in the kitchen. Ya'll remember the first time I ate spaghetti in his apartment? Thought I was going to die! Well since then I've actually become a big fan of his spaghetti. Go figure! I made him a plate and grabbed a Gatorade from the refrigerator. That N**** was acting real tired or something. Anyway I rapped up a plate for myself, said my goodbyes, and hit the road. Got home in 15 minutes cause there was no traffic. When I got in the house, my mom was still up. I asked her if she wanted some spaghetti, but she said "no" . Shiiit! more for me then. It was so good. I went right to sleep after that.

See, there was nothing that unusual going on. I didn't win the lottery or anything like that. I was just happy to have everything flowing in the right direction. For once!

Peace

Text Messaging While Tired.

2007-06-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

Okay. So I was all ready to get some yesterday.
I had been exchanging text messages with my smut-buddy all morning.

Start 8:00am

Me: Papi r u up? I’m so horny. I need some today.
Him: Goodmorning mami.
Me: Goodmorning papi.
Him: How’s work?
Me: F*** the small talk. I need that clit massage.
Him: Okay, you comin ova later
Me: Yep!

End 8:04am

Well I told ya’ll that I’ve been busy moving for the past 4-5 days right. I guess the combination of that, sleeping on a different bed & sitting for 9 hours at work caught up to me. Because by 3:00pm I was hurting. I MEAN I WAS HURTINGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
I was so tired, and sore, and stiff, and irritable. There was no way I would’ve been able to make it to his place. Sex was now out of the question.
I was in so much pain, I was snapping at people on the job. I went home and threw on some pajamas so fastttttt! I was in that piece, running around with my eyes half closed like “Speedy Gonzales”. I know my mom was looking like,

“Why is this girl walking around my house like a crack head?”

It was because I was so tired, and in so much agonizing pain I felt like if I stopped moving, I wouldn’t be able to start moving again. My body was on auto pilot/fast-forward. Like, have you ever been driving, only to realize that you don’t remember making the turns, and crossing the lights that got you where you were. Or…(and this one always makes me laugh) Have you ever seen someone get hit so hard that after they fall to the ground they get right back up? They do that lil’ drunk walk or give some incoherent speech. But they don’t keep their asses on the ground, where they’re supposed to be. LOL! Yeah that was me yesterday.

I knew that I was supposed to see him at 6:00pm, so I called to cancel around 3:45pm. This fool didn’t feel the need to answer the phone, so I didn’t feel the need to leave a message. I wasn’t trying to be bitchy or anything, I was just so dead tired at that point. I don’t think I was thinking straight. I climb the stairs and fall on my bed.

An hour later I wake up with a text message on my phone.

4:31pm Him: Countdown 2 the cream.
4:54pm Me: Can’t c u 2nite
4:54pm Him: Y not.
4:57pm Me: I tried to call u earlier. I’m 2 tired/sore 2 get dressed n 2 drive up there n back. Also I don’t feel like stopping for condoms or gas.
5:18pm Him: I got condoms
6:03pm Me: Damn you could ask if I’m okay.
6:12pm Me again and pissed: Damn if it aint about getting head u ain’t interested huh? That’s cool.

(At this time I can't sleep, so I get up to wash my hair and take a shower)

8:14pm Him: Nic, I do care but all day u made it about sex so that’s what tip I was on. I’m sorry if I hurt ur feelns.

(This is where I really started to let my sleepiness get the best of me. Acting like it’s more then just sex is a big no-no for us. But in my defense I was half asleep)

8:20pm Me: Ur right. I was on it all day. So didn’t it concern you a little when I said I couldn’t come through. Did it cross ur mind 2 say anything besides “I got condoms”?
8:26pm Me again: My bad. I was tired and frustrated. But I’m good now.
8:31pm Me, still trippin’: It just kind’a made you look like an insensitive jerk. Papi even jump-offs have feelings.
8:32pm Him: I apologize
8:54pm Him: What u doin
8:58pm Me: Just left the apartment. On my way to Wendy’s . I had the phone in my hand to text you. What’s up?
9:01pm Him: Chillin
9:07pm Me the real me. LOL!: Oh, I’m sorry bout today too. But I’ve been packing and moving since Wednesday. I think sitting all day at work is what put me in so much pain.
9:10pm Him: That’s ok. I wish I could’ve made it better.

Awww! Yeah I guess I was trippin’. It happens. I told ya'll I wasn't perfect. Glad I got it together……eventually. Just thought I’d keep ya’ll updated on ma backslidin’ and general ranting. JMW, I guess this could go under the category of me making an ass out of myself. I hope you got at least a chuckle out of this. Sorry about the text message form of this post. If it bothered anyone don't stress. I don't plan to have any other post like this.

Peace

Don't Be Mad!

2007-06-04T12:20:00.000-04:00

The reason I haven’t been posting is because I’ve been busy packing & moving. Remember a while back, when I wrote that I would be moving in with my mother, to help her out for a little while? Well moving day came, and I was forced to put in some major work. BOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Last month when I told my friend Jason that I would be moving, he offered to help. He also said that he would bring his best-friend/brother Eric. Bet! I was so glad to have that help. Jason is a true friend. He knew that I was trying to save money and that I didn’t really have a lot of money to waste on professional movers. All he asked is that I provide some refreshments; water, juice and chips. I said “sure!” and I told him I would get lunch and take them out for dinner when we were done. I figured that it would be a lot cheaper then the $500.00 I woulda’ had to pay the professionals. The plan was to get started at around 1:00pm. I picked up Eric first and then went to pick up Jason. We didn’t really get started until 2:30pm. They got all of the big stuff, and helped me with most of the smaller boxes. I had a lot of stuff. I never new how hard moving could be. Why the hell didn’t ya’ll warn me?

I put a lot of clothes and shoes in the “Planet Aid” box. I tried to get rid of as much as I could, but we still filled up the entire 10x10 storage space. I can’t believe I had that much stuff. There were four other tenants in the building that I was in. Everyone was so nice while I was living there, and they were even nicer to me while I was leaving. The lady across the hall from me “Boo” volunteered he nephews and sons to help me. The Super came to help the guys with the big stuff. The kids were keeping an eye on the U-Haul truck while we were upstairs. Everything went smoothly, except for a few dropped boxes.

The only things that I’ve taken to my mothers’ "Sanford and Son" house so far are; half of my clothes, some shoes, and some toiletries. The day I moved out, she turned my room into one big closet for her crap. That’s cool with me because I don’t even want too get to comfortable. I just want to stay long enough to help her get on her feet. Emotionally, physically & financially. We finished at around 7:30pm

This move will make things a lot easier for me. I was wasting gas/money driving back and forth from her house to my apartment to check on her. And constantly worrying that she would lose her house was stressing me out. I’ll be able to help her out with money now.

As far as the actual move…….We had so much fun except for when Jason found my PA driver’s license (the picture sucks). Before I could get it back, he threw it to Eric. They had a big laugh at my expense. Eric even held me down while Jason took a picture of it with his cell phone. He informed me the now, everytimr I call his cell...that picture will come up. Uggh! I hate guys sometimes. LOL! Just kidding. Seriously though, I had a really fun time. We talked, and laughed at each other all day and night. We went to Red Lobster for dinner. Had a piss-poor waitress, but the food was good. I was driving, so I didn’t get to drink like those two : (

The bill only came up to $80.00. Yay!!! Afterwards, they kept thanking me for lunch and dinner, like they hadn’t just put in hours of strenuous work. They’re both really good guys. I can’t even explain how grateful I am for their help.

Looking at my mostly empty apartment, I wanted to cry. It just feels like the vacation is over. Time to go back to my second full time job….Taking care of my mother. It was a beautiful apartment (to me). And I had some of the nicest neighbors ever.

The building manager is a girl named Yolanda. She’s about my age. She saw me Sunday while I was dragging stuff to my car. We talked about why I was moving, and I told her ,
“It’ll probably take me a few more days to get the rest of my stuff out. I’ll stop by the office when I’m done to pay for this week, since we’re already into June.”
She told me not to worry about it ;) Yay! More money saved.

Peace

I'm Getting Married Ya'll!...One Day.

2007-05-25T08:08:00.000-04:00

(5/16/07 - GALVESTON, TX) - A 19-year-old has been charged with injury to a child after police say his 2-month-old daughter was burned when he placed her in a microwave. Investigators believe the child was in the microwave for 10 to 20 seconds.

Has anyone ever put a raw egg in the microwave? I did when I was a child, and it made a big …huge… mess. But I was a child, and it was just an egg. I wasn’t trying to hurt anything. I was just trying to boil it real quick cause I couldn’t wait for water to come to a boil on the stove. My point is, I don't want to imagine what would happen to a baby in a microwave.

The mother/wife said that she will not be divorcing him. She will honor the vows she made before the lord.

Now, I understand that God ain’t nothin' to mess with, but darnit, I think he would understand this particular divorce. I mean damn boo-boo! Are you that desperate for a man that you would you stay with a sociopath? Is being married the end all & be all? I don’t know, but I don't think so.

Anyway, this week while I was talking to my smut-buddie, he let me know that he wanted to have a baby with me. A little girl to be exact. He didn’t mention marriage at all, but you know what!?!?!?!?! That’s alright! This is just another reminder of why we broke up in the first place. He’s unorganized, and backwards.

Do I want to get married one day? Heck yeah! Until I find the right one though….I will be married to myself. Desperation and I, don’t mix. And anyway, I’m content with my life at this point. I don’t really want to make any new male friends because, while I’m sure there are some nice ones out there,…I don’t really have the time or energy to sort through the man-mound. Can you imagine me...sitting infront of a dude....judging whether or not he has the potential to throw a baby in the microwave?

Yesterday after work I went to the mall. I originally just went to get some cute panties and bras, but I ended up going into a little store and buying myself an engagement ring. It wasn't expensive, but the amount of money isn’t really important to me. It’s what this ring represents. It reminds me to always love myself first. The rest will come eventually.

Sorry for the poor quality of this picture. I'm using a Sprint camera-phone. But it really is cute in person though. I'm just amazed I figured out how to get the darn picture up here in the first place. Your girl Nic isn't the most technically savvy, lol!

Also, it will keep the riff-raff away. I’ll take it off when I’m serious about finding that special someone. In the mean time I can’t be bothered.

Peace,
And Have a Great Holiday Weekend Ya’ll!

Prison Calls.

2007-05-22T11:30:00.000-04:00

Hey blogworld, last night I got a phone call from Manny, (Kay-Kay’s dad). We actually got to talk for a while. Almost 12 minutes. He sounded really good, considering he’s in prison. We talked a little about his case, and the fact that he had been moved to a prison where he doesn’t have electricity in his cell. That means no more T.V. He only has to do another 10 months. He said that he sent me another letter, and that I should be getting it sometime this week. Then he thanked me for sending the clothes, which means that Dawn (the current care-giver) did tell him,....... but not necessarily that the little girl is wearing them. Anyway, with that opening, I told him about the night I’d stopped over there to drop off the clothes. No folks, I didn’t tell him that she was looking dirty, but I did slip in that she was looking kind of wild. It didn’t seem to faze him, and so the conversation continued.

I told him how Kay-Kay seemed happy and what she was talking about. I mentioned that there were a bunch of kids over there, and he told me that Dawn had 5 kids. He is so thankful Dawn volunteered to help Kay even though she already has 5 kids.

He told me that he is so hurt that his own mother wouldn’t even consider taking care of his daughter for a little while. He said he sent her a mothers’ day card, (Yes! The criminals got a store up there where they can buy all types of stuff. I got a valentines card from him back in February) but that's it. Other then that he's cut all ties with her. It’s not like they were beefin’ before he went away. He really can’t believe that she won’t help out her own grandchild. When he gets out he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. That s*** pisses me off too. I mean from what I’ve seen, she’s the most financially secure, and she has experience with kids. Nobody is asking her to spoil the child, just to give her the basics. Love from a family member, a roof, food, baths and supervision. Is that asking for so much?

This is the main reason Manny can’t stand his mother right now. She’s his blood, but she acts like she can’t help. He’s so hurt about that.

His sister has explained to him that she would like to help out, but that money is tight. She has enough to worry about with her own daughter. That’s understandable, I guess. But I remember all the time he spent with his niece, and all of the things he bought for her. Life is crazy.

I asked for Dawns phone number and he gave it to me. Now I’ll be able to see Kay-Kay more often. No…I’m not planning on giving Dawn much advanced notice, just enough to keep from being rude. I hate when people come to my house unannounced, so I won’t do it to anyone else. I just want to see Kay-Kay more often, and see if she STAYS dirty. I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.

He said that she’s talking a lot more on the phone now. And now instead of quietly saying “I miss you daddy” she’s saying “Shhh, my daddies on the phone!!!” , & "I'm riding my bike daddy!"
I’m going to stop by today after work. I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow.

But first I have a question.

Is there anything (on earth) your child could do, that was soooooo awful, it made you not want to see/take care of your own grandchildren?

P.S. As far as anyone knows, Kay-Kays' mom is still in rehab.

Peace

Tagg-Happy

2007-05-21T08:25:00.000-04:00

I have been tagged again, and this time by Chokkklitsoul.

My task this time is to share 10 interesting things about myself. So, let me apologize in advance, because honestly, I’m not a very interesting person. Anyway here it goes.

1. I used to be a complete tomboy. Yep, digging holes in my mothers’ back yard, climbing trees, and catching snakes. I hated to go shopping. My favorite class used to be shop. But somehow I grew out of it. Now I’m buying panties and bras to match my toenail polish. Diggin’ holes is cheaper!

2. I’ll take animals over people.

3. When I’m really full and/or sleepy I get the giggles. HARD!

4. I still watch cartoons. Old episodes of “Samurai Champloo”, “Cowboy Bebop”, and “Family Guy”. Stuff like that.

5. I prank call my grandma all the time. She always says “ Nic…I’m gonna beat your f***in' ass when I see you!” I just laugh and tell her that “I’m too fast” for her. This is just our lil’ running joke. She lives in Yonkers New York, and I don’t get to see her as often as I like. She is the funniest person I know because she is so real about stuff.

6. I don’t like to hug either of my parents. It’s/they’re just weird.

7. I’ll always choose night over day. I just love to be able to look at the stars.

8. I want to be a police officer. Waiting for the test to come up. Wish me luck.

9. Last holiday season I sold cookies, as a side hustle. It quickly got out of control. People were placing so many orders. If I ever do that again, it will be on a smaller scale. And I’m gonna' charge more.

10. Once when I was younger. I went to sleep with a blue mug of water next to my bed. When I woke up the next day I tried o take a sip. But stopped when I saw something in the bottom of the cup. It was slender, and yellowish. I put my finger in the cup (don’t judge me …I was young) and to my horror saw the thing move. It was one of those thousand leggers. Now they are my biggest phobia. Above EVERYTHING!!!! Uggggh, they just make my skin crawl. I’m sitting here scratchin’ and rubbing my face and hands just thinking about them. I know I look crazy, (probably like a crack head) I hope ya’ll appreciate this. Lol!

These are some of the things that make me tick. The things that make me, me .

Peace

I've Been Tagged!

2007-05-18T08:25:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody. I guess you can tell by the title of this post that I've been tagged. This is the first time for me, since I'm a relatively new blogger. I just thank the heavens that it's not a realllllllllllllly long one. Otherwise I woulda had to meet JMW infront of saladworks (she knows why!!! Lol!) just kidding. Anyway, my artist choice is the late, great, Marvin Gaye.

The ladies wanted him, the men wanted to be like him. What more can I say..........

Are you male or female: Midnight Lady

Describe yourself: Distant Lover

Your best piece of advice: Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart)

Describe your last relationship: Trouble Man

Describe your last crush: Mercy Mercy Me, My Pride and Joy

Say something to someone you have a crush on: I Want You.

Say something to an ex: Got to give it up

Say something to someone who hurt you severely: If This World Were Mine :(

How do you feel right now: Ooh Child

Well thank you JustMeWriting for this lovely tagging experience. Did you pick me because you know I love to play games? Well anyway, I guess this works kinda' like chain-mail??? So I'm gonna tag DC. Both dcsavvy, & dcspeaks. Hope you don't mind.

Peace

I Promised I'd be Honest with Ya'll!

2007-05-17T11:55:00.001-04:00

So here it goes. This is another “I gave in, and let the Ex hit it” post.

About a month ago I told him that I wanted to take some time off. He had been smothering me, and acting like I was his girl. About a week after I sent him the text explaining that I wanted to chill, I got a call from him. It was a pretty low key conversation. He just wanted to know where my head was at, and why I had decided that I didn’t want to see him for a while. I explained to him that I felt things were moving in the wrong direction with us. That he and I work well as “smut-buddies”, but we needed to keep the "relationship-like" behavior down to a minimum.
Once everything was out in the open, and some boundaries were set things got better.

Well, for the past few weeks, we haven’t been sleeping together, but we’ve been, texting, going out, and talking on the phone here and there. Nothing too serious. Yesterday at 3pm, just when I was about to get off of work I got a text message from him. He said that he wanted to see me before he went off to work at 8pm (He’s an EMT w/ crazy ass hours). Between work, taking care of my mom, and worrying about my friends’ daughter, I’ve been really stressed out. I figured that since I haven’t slept with him in about a month, I was due for a reward.

Why do I always break down in the middle of the month?

Anyway, I went over there and had a great Adult time. I won’t bore ya’ll with the tawdry details. Let’s just say, he took me to a great place. Screwed me senseless! Need proof? ........... Keep reading.

After I left his house, I stopped at Wendy’s’. I was too weak to cook & feenin’ for a spicy chicken sandwich and a frosty, (Mmmmm, my favorite). So I’m sitting there, waiting in the long ass line, with this big ass smile on my face. I'm watching the rain come down, and trying my hardest not to fall asleep. My turn comes up, and I order. I drive to the first window to give them my money, drive to the next window, and wait for my food. Here’s where everything fell apart, and I found out that he had taken all of my common sense.

The girl goes to hand me the Frosty, and because it’s raining I only roll the window down half way. (I think my plan was to roll it up quickly, so my hair wouldn't get wet.....yeah I know it was already kinda fucked up from wrestling with him, but the rain would've made the situation soo much worse). Anyway, I reach across myself with my right arm, and grab the frosty. Then for whatever reason, I started to roll the window up with my other hand. I don’t know why I did this cause my arm wasn’t even back in the car. I guess that I was just that tired. So at this point, I’m still pulling my right arm inside of the car, and the window is still coming up.
“Why didn’t you just roll the window back down?” You may be wondering. Shit I was wondering that too. So I stopped pressing the button. It left about a 4 inch gap between the window and the frame. I pulled my arm in some more, but then again, for reasons I will never understand, just before I got the fuggin' frosty in, my finger hit the button again squishing the cup and making the lid pop off. All this because…well I don’t even know. The girl who handed me the frosty was trying to hold in her laughter. The most f’ed up part of that situation was that after the frosty debacle, I had to sit there and wait for my sandwich. I know they were back there talking about it, because another girl came to bring me my sandwich & she was laughing also. In the end, I was a little embarrassed, but it was cool. I had to laugh too.

Had the car for a year now. Get a side of good dick, and I become a drunk driver.

This morning I woke up, grabbed my cell phone, and dialed #2 speed dial - Wachovia. (That’s a chain of banks up here in Philly for anyone who doesn’t know) I call their automated service number all the time to Keep track of the little bit of money I have. I listened to the prompt, and punched my account number in, followed by the last four of my S.S. number. 3 seconds later, I’m sitting UP in my bed, irate over the fact that my job hasn’t deposited my check into my account. So now, I’m up and fuming. Walking around my dark ass apartment, plotting on how I’m gonna’ cuss out my boss & the payroll department. It wasn’t until I got into the shower that I realized that……………… it ain’t even Friday. Ha! I had to laugh at myself again.

I’m trippin’ !!!!!!

Now I’m sitting here at work, tired and drained. He has screwed me senseless, and I don't even mind. I hope ya’ll have a good day. I’m gonna sneak a nap.

Peace

Moms

2007-05-15T12:36:00.000-04:00

Hey blog family! Sorry I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been a little under the weather and very stressed out. I’m stressed because in the next month I will be moving back into my mothers’ house to help take care of her. This is something I really don’t want to do, but I’ve always been a sucka’ for my mom. No, not because she’s been such a wonderful mother. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just because… well she’s the only mom I got.

Peace

Breaking My Heart.

2007-05-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

I have a fake/play big brother that’s currently locked up @ Camp Hill. He and I grew up on the same block. And even though he’s about 10 years older than me, he always looked out. A couple of years ago he met and impregnated this local girl named Tisa. He claims she tricked him, I don’t really know what her side of the story is. But the important thing is/was that they brought a new lil’ person in the world, Kayla aka Kay-Kay. Now I’ve never actually met this girl, Tisa. From what I understood, she was my age and a very sweet girl, at first. Unfortunately though (for everyone involved & for whatever reason) she changed. He discovered that she already had other children whom she wasn’t raising. One is in the custody of her ex-boyfriend, and the other is being raised by somebodys grandmother.

They broke up around the time she was 1 month preggers.

Time went by. He was happy to finally be having his first child, but upset that he would be forever connected to Tisa. From what I could tell, he was a loving and attentive father. When Kay-Kay turned 1&1/2 Manny went away to prison. Everyone knew that was coming, because, well let’s just say he didn’t have a legal profession. For a long time I was mad at him for letting things go down the way they did. I wouldn’t even write back to him when I got letters from him. I felt like, he never should've been doing shady things in the first place, but also as soon as he knew that he had a baby on the way he should have cleaned up his act. Instead he just continued to do stuff that the DA could build on.

During the first week of his incarceration he found out that the BM Tisa wasn't taking care of the baby. So he arranged for a cousin named Dawn to help out.

Later on, when I thought about how lonely he must have been in prison , I started to write back to him.

In the letters that I sent, I asked him a number of times if there was anything that I could do for her while he was away, and up until recently he always said no. However, when he found out that he would have to do a longer bid, he changed his mind. I asked him her size in sneakers and clothes, and asked him to let her temporary guardian (Dawn) know that I would be through soon.

The next week, when I had some money, I went and bought some things for her.

I went to the house where his daughter is staying. First off…..about 10 kids came to the entrance. They were all different ages, and peeking through the glass panes on either side of the door. I asked for an adult and waited while 20 eyes stared at me. Finally a young girl came to the door. She looked about 17, and she was holding a baby that looked to fragile to breath on its own. Anyway, she was nice enough. I explained who I was and handed over the bag of clothes, sneakers, sandals and kiddie sunglasses for Kay. I spoke to Kay-Kay for a little while, and then I left.

Yesterday I got another letter from him. They come about once a week. Besides finding out that he has to do more time, because he lost another case, he also found out that Kay-Kay’s mother checked herself into a rehab.

He writes

“I JUST TALKED TO DAWN TODAY AND SHE TOLD ME THAT TISA WAS IN A REHAB. I KNEW SHE SMOKED A LOT OF WEED, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. I DIDN’T KNOW HER PROBLEM WAS THAT BAD, BUT I’M GLAD SHE GOT HELP, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN’T TAKING CARE OF KAY MAYBE IT WILL CLEAR HER MIND AND GET IT RIGHT. NIC I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR MY BABY. SHE ALREADY DIDN’T HAVE A MOM, NOW SHE DOESN’T HAVE EITHER AND IT KILLS ME.”

About him being locked up…I used to think “Well that’s what you get for not being a productive member of society”.
Now I just feel bad for the little girl.

When she came to the door she looked happy, but a mess. I mean Pig-pen dirty. I don’t have kids, so I tried to brush it off as just end of the day, summertime mess. But I don’t know.

At first I was thinking that I would keep that information to myself. I didn’t really want to get him upset and/or frustrated while he’s locked up. But now I’m not so sure if I made the right decision. Should I ask him to question Dawn? (the temp guardian). Are they doing all that they can? I’m so confused. I really don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to cause any drama, because the little girl has nowhere else to go. And she is such a sweetie-pie.

What should I do. I'm leaning towards keeping my mouth shut, but that could come back to haunt me. Maybe I'll go shopping again so that I'll have another excuse to stop by, and check up on her.

Its funny how karma works. He was out there selling drugs to the community. Now he's locked up, he can't see his child, and his BM is an addict in rehab. Be careful people.

Peace

p.s. Sorry there are no laughs here. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Eliminating the Bulls***!

2007-05-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

Ahhh! This weekend was lovely. Friday, while I was leaving work I received a text message from the Toni Childs of my life, (JMW , you already know who I'm referring to. lol!). That’s right my Ex-best friend sent me a text that read …..

“Hey, how are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. I miss you. What are you doing today? I want to see you.”

Ha! I was cracking the heck up when I read that crap because I was/am still in the this mindset . Anyway, being the lady that I am I responded with…

“I’m fine, how’s ‘A jr.’ ?”

She wrote back that he was good, and I was cool with that. I threw my phone into my purse and ran to the parking garage. Hopped in my car and made a break for it. During the ride home I heard my phone go off a couple of times, but I wanted to concentrate on driving, so I ignored it. I drove to my mothers’ neighborhood to check in on her. (Same thing I do just about everyday.)

*Side note – I don’t ever think I’m going to stop being a sucka’ for my mom, but that’s another post.*

Anyway, as I’m pulling in to moms’ driveway who do you think I see out of the corner of my eye? That’s right Toni Childs. Staring right at me! Uggh! Do you think I turned down my music, or slowed the car down to wave? F*** no. I kept right on driving, blasting my Latin music and singing along like I knew Spanish. I parked my car, and went in to my mothers’ house leaving her on her aunts’ porch.

I’m inside for about 20 minutes when I get another text message from her. It read…..

“Hey, are you next-door?”

At this point I’m thinking “B**** you know I am. Who else is gonna’ park my car in my mothers driveway?” Did I communicate this with her? No. In fact, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t respond. Instead I finished checking up on my mom. When I was done with my mother I went outside and talked to a friend on the phone, while I cleaned out my car.

So I’m outside, right next door to this broad, chit-chatting and laughing. I’m just about to pull off when I get a call on the other line. It’s her. I probably should have just ignored the call like she’d been ignoring me for that ass of a babies' daddy, but curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked over. She asked me again if I was next door and I said “Yeah, I’m in the drive-way.” There was an awkward 5 sec silence. And then she said “Oh, well I haven’t seen you in a while…..” I said “oh well I’m out here if you wanna’ come over.” So she comes over….holding the little one. He looked adorable, and I was happy to see him as always. We walked over to her aunts’ porch. There were a heap of people going in and out of the house, because her aunt was selling dinners. I spoke to everyone, her mom, aunts and uncles. Since I go to my mothers’ house almost every day, I see them (moms’ neighbors) a lot, and I didn’t feel awkward. But then “A”, the assumed babies’ daddy, came out. And oh did this Negro put on a show.
First he comes out and kisses her and the baby on the forehead. Then he goes on to say,

“Damn stranger…where you been? I haven’t seen you in a while. WHY?”

I looked at him, and then at her. She was looking at the ground. So at this point I’m laughing in my head like, “Damn, he still got her rapped around his finger huh?” Instead, I said,

“Well, you’d have to ask her about that.”

Then he says.

“Well, regardless of what you two are going through, you could still come through to see your nephew.”

At this point I’m actually laughing out loud, and looking right at her. Even though were not tight anymore, she still knows me. So I’m sure that she picked up on my “ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME!!!” face.

I said, “Yeah, your right.” He continues to say that I should come around more, and that it’s good to see me. Now at this point I could’ve said something like “Wow…This is a big change from a year ago when you were screaming at her, and demanding that she abort ‘it’.” Instead, I just laughed and said bye as he walked down the steps. My reasons for not saying anything more to him were
1. I’m still not 100% sure that she didn’t make up a lot of the negative stories about him to gain attention.
2. She still has to deal with him and I don’t want “A. jr.” to suffer b/c of drama I started.
3. It’s a waste of my time.

We talk for a little while after that, but it was pointless. She kept playing stupid. Bringing up bullshit topics to talk about, just skirting around the fact that we haven’t spoken in months. It’s at this point that I tell her that I have to leave. As I start to leave she says “Call me later”. I just gave her 2 fingers and laughed as I walked to my car. I didn’t call her that night. I didn’t answer the phone when she called me the next day. Or the day after that. I ignored all of her text messages. And I don’t plan on contacting her any time soon. I know some of my more rowdy readers might think that I should have cursed her out for being such an skank b**** in the past, but I don’t even think she’s worth it.
You’re probably wondering why I even answered the phone in the first place or talked to her while we were outside. Well honestly I just wanted to see if I the friendship was truly over.

It is.

I mean I’ll still show love to the baby. I’ll even speak, but I know that I could never trust her again. I’ll never go out of my way to look out for her again. We won’t be hanging out on the block of gossiping on the phone ever again. I’ll never mail a pack of Kool-Aid to her again, just for the sake of being silly. She is who she is. And that’s fine. I’m content with that knowledge, and the fact that I don’t have to be around her. If she’s been feeling lonely……well that’s what she gets. I’ve washed my hands of her.

In other news,

I got to curse out the king roach. Sean called me at 5:30am Saturday morning. From…….(you guessed it folks) his mommas’ house. Ha!
Ya’ll know I followed your advice and cursed him out royally. I told him to "stop calling my f***ing house" and while he was at it to "get a f***in’ life". I called him a "phone stalker", he called me a "bitch". I said “yeah I know, and you can kiss this bitches brown ass”. I was really cranky and sleepy, so I can’t recall every thing I said to him, but some phrases that stand out are; “Drink bleach"….. "I wouldn’t even let you eat my ass"…… and "Get it through your thick ass skull that I could never be interested in your pathetic, beggin’, ass.” To top everything off, I finished with

“You better not never, no matter the weather, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, call or come around me no more." Click!

I slept like a baby.

O.D.D......Scared Childless!

2007-05-03T12:55:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a friend of mine on Sunday. We spoke for a couple of hours, about life, family, money woes, the usual. We somehow ended up discussing the problems of her cousin. This cousin has had a troubled life. She was never living on the street or anything like that, but she’s had a few bumps that left her pretty depressed. Recently though, she made a move in what we thought would be the right direction. She met and married a man in the military. He got them housing on a base in Hawaii, and together they had a baby boy. That makes three children for her. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction for her, but now her two oldest children are exhibiting some problematic traits.

My friend was reciting a list of what the kids had been diagnosed with so far, saying that some of the problems might be connected to the fact that the husband was back from Iraq, with Post Traumatic Stress syndrome. The eldest (he’s 10) suffers from severe depression, and has had suicidal thoughts. I was heartbroken to hear about that, because he had always been such a sweet boy. The middle child (I think she’s 6) has A.D.H.D., O.D.D., and a bunch of other stuff.
Now when I write “a bunch of other stuff” I don’t want to come off as uncaring, it’s just that after my friend said “O.D.D.” I didn’t hear anything else. “Wait, what’s O.D.D.?” I asked. “Oh, that stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder” she said. Well…where the hell have I been? I’d never heard of that s***. She went on to explain that the little girl basically does the opposite of everything she’s been told.Wait I know about A.D.D. & A.D.H.D., but O.D.D.????? Am I the last person to hear about this? Where was the public service announcement?
Anyway, she told me a story that scared the shit out of me. About a year ago. The little girl dragged her baby brother down the steps by his feet. His mouth hit every step. Her reason for this…..She was told to stop bothering her baby brother. Yep that's it...He didn't do anything to her...Neither parent had screamed at her earlier that day.... The little girl just went bizzerk. I swear I felt my ovaries shrivel up a little after hearing that story. Is it wrong to be a lil' happy bout’ the fact that subconscious Nic hit the snooze button on her biological clock?

When I got a chance I looked up O.D.D. on the computer.

The only definition I could find for O.D.D. said, “Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioral disorder that is characterized by aggressive, defiant, negative, irritable and annoying behaviors towards peers and authority figures, such as parents and teachers.”

Just looking at this definition is pushing me towards an anxiety attack. Things are getting out of control. It seems like every time I turn around a new behavioral disorder is springing up. Where are they coming from? I need answers people. I can't keep blaming things on MacDonald's' hormone packed food!

Summertime Roaches

2007-04-27T08:50:00.000-04:00

Yes ladies! They’re a comin’.
And by roaches, I mean all the broke, tired, mentally unstable, love you after a week, looking for someone to take care of their lazy asses, can’t take no for an answer, let me hold $20 I’ll pay you back when I “re-up”, men! They’ve started with me already. Oh yes, this week I was accosted by a particularly persistent roach.

Monday, I’m sitting at work when this guy named Sean just pops in on me. He’s some bug I met a couple of years ago. He quickly turned into a p/t phone associate after I discovered he was a pain in the ass, with a penchant for begging. Let me tell you, since I’ve known him, this dude has done nothing but beg. He’s begged me for food, begged for money and begged for ass. I let him in my house one time and that turned out to be one time too many. First off, this dipshit came up in my apartment and went through every room. Every door that I had closed… he opened. Yes, bathroom, bedroom, closets! Was I giving tours? F*** no! When I asked him the reason for his rude & unusual behavior, he said, “Oh yeah I had to check to make sure that you didn’t have anyone waiting to jack me”. Ha! Yeah right. This dude just cased my apartment. When I finally got him out, I realized I was missing an earring. Needless to say, he never got invited back. Anyway, let’s get back to the present. Like I said, I’m sitting at work minding my business and he walks in, like he holds stock with the company or something. Now I haven’t heard from him in a while, and that’s a blessing. I thought he was out of state, or up-state or something. He looked at me and said “Damn, can I get a hug or something. You act like you're not happy to see me.” I was stuck on stupid, because I never told him exactly where I work. Never gave him permission to come to my job, and in general I am disgusted by his essence (I know, I’m overly dramatic). So anyway, I smile, and play nice, figuring that he’s just passing through, and will be gone soon. Naw, I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. He settled into one of the chairs and spent the next 3 hours explaining that he was back in town for the day, blah, blah, blah, and, can he hold my car right quick? ............................................................………………………………………………………………………………………………………............... *insert that screeching sound*
"What? Hell no you can’t hold my car!" He proceeds to beg and plead and bargain with me, like I know him like that. Then he cops an attitude like “S***, well I’m about to be out then. Any other girl would be happy to lend me their car. Where I was at, I had girls throwin’ money at me. They wanted to buy me cars.” Needless to say, I was laughin’ as I escorted him to the exit. When he got to the door, he turned around and said, “You know I’m only in Philly for one night?” As if that would thaw my heart. Ha! I just went back to my office. Men……If I’ve known you for a couple of years, and I’ve done nothing but tell you I’m not interested. Then popping up at my job is not going to make me magically want to give you things that I value. This includes my car and my goodies (duh). Anyway he finally leaves. I spray the chair he was sitting in with Fabreeze, and all is right with the world again. Or so I thought.

Wednesday, I’m coming back from the supermarket when my phone rings. It’s like 10:00pm and I’m tired. It’s Sean, telling me to come outside and meet him at some corner store. Like that’s just something to do. I haven’t done that shit for a dude since the summer of my 15th year. I say “Why would I do that?” He replies that he “wants to see me.”

Please, please, please keep in mind that I hardly know him. Never went on a date, never been to his house (cause I didn’t feel like meeting his momma, lol), haven’t slept with him, barely gave him a hug when I was cool with him, and most importantly…. hardly even talk to him anymore.
I say “No!” and mumble something about having to be at work by 6am as I hang up the phone and fall on my bed. An hour & ½ later he’s calling my phone again. Asking me if he could “sleep over” at my place, because he had “no other place to go”.

Can you guess what my answer was?

Do you think that stopped him? No! He was totally ready for that answer, and he seemed to be prepared with a list of rebuttals. He stated that he could sleep on my sofa (I kept thinking bout that Rick James skit). Could wake up early, would get us breakfast, and wouldn’t ask for any ass, blah, blah, blah. I had to cut him off. He told me that he would just "Go to a hotel then". I said “Yes, I think that would be best.” And banged.
*It’s hard to bang on someone when you have a cell phone. They can’t really get the full effect of how mad you are, but I was pissed.*

Anyway that’s my April Roach story. Knowing me there will be a May story coming up soon. Dumb-asses, lunies, and weirdo’s are drawn to me for some g-d forsaken reason. And like real roaches, they only get worse in the summertime. Other women should be warm in the knowledge that, if I’m in your general area (say the same country) roaches will be drawn to me, and away from them.

Note to any male readers: This is not a post against all men. It's just a warning against the ones that crawl on their bellies.

Peace!

People That Make Me Laugh

2007-04-26T10:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, that last post was a little heavy, so here’s a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ to lighten up the mood. I present to you the list of

My Top 5 favorite TV/ Radio Host.

Chris Hansen – To Catch a Predator. My favorite line of his is “Have a seat…” (then in that mildly amused parental voice) “What are you doing here?” Also, the episode where that mentally challenged man got caught for the second time, Hansen was like “Wait a minute, you look familiar” The man said, and I swear to G-d this is true, “Ooops!” That was the funniest shit ever. You're about to get locked up, again, and it's gonna be shown to millions of people, and all you can say is "Ooops!". Ha! I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Chris was even laughing when he heard that shit. (For anyone who doesn't know, "To Catch A Predator" comes on Dateline NBC. It's a show/sting operation, to catch pedophiles. It's funnier than it sounds.)

Ryan Seacrest – American Idol .
I know what you’re thinking, but anyone who can hold a straight face after watching some of those g-d awful auditions is “The S***”. He even interviews the rejects with a straight face, and asks them what happened, like he doesn't know why they didn’t make it through. Dude even encourages them to sing again in the waiting area. He never cracks a smile. That shit is hilarious to me.

Joey Greco – Cheaters

He got stabbed on the job, and didn’t quit his job. Joey also never smiles. Even when he knows that shit is funny. A month ago, there was an episode where this 88 year old man hired Cheaters investigators to follow his 33 year old girlfriend. His name was “Lightning” and his reasons were that he was getting old, and he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to leave his money to the wrong girl. So anyway, of course they see her with another man. She’s seen kissing him, the usual. So they run the new mans tags, and it comes out that that is her cousin. Later on they find out that she is really married to dude, and that it isn’t her cousin. So anyway they show Lightning the video, and he’s heated. At the confrontation, she’s acting like that is her cousin and that she has to take care of him because he is "very sick". This is where the shit gets funny. The old dude comes at them with his cane. Joey is like “how could you do this to him? Is the money all you care about?" She’s steady denying it. Her husband proceeds to walk down the street to get away. When He can't, he fakes a seizure. So Joey walks up to him real slow and calm, while he’s shaking on the ground. He says “So…………what’s up?...............Am I supposed to believe that you’re having a seizure?.........................Yeah, I don’t believe you……………You lied about being with her, so you’ll lie about this too.” Then the boy gets up, so Joeys like “Yeah….. that was a real quick recovery!” Joey never once went to call 911 & didn’t let anyone else call. I don't know how he keeps a straight face through some of those confrontations. That s*** is always funny to me

Maury- The Maury Povich Show

The results are in…in the case of 4 month old Juwanna ……………………………………… Scott, you are NOT the father. Nuff said.

Wendy Williams and Charlemagne.

That "drunken/sad" music makes me laugh every time!

Did I miss any?

Good Luck with Your Life and Shit!

2007-04-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

That's ^ what I want to say to my ex-best friend. Usually I have a bit more class, but she's bringing out that "I don't give a shit attitude" in me.

Let me give you some background on the situation.

“T” and I were best friends since her aunt moved next door to my mother in 1995. We've been through so much together. We were like US postal service workers. You know..."neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow" could keep us apart. We knew everything about each other. And we always looked out for one another. Over the years we had our little spats, but they weren't even real arguments or anything like that. It was more like, one of us would say or do something that the other one didn't like, and then we wouldn't talk for a month or so. We always found our way back to each other, and we could usually even laugh about our little falling-outs.
Anyway years go by, and life keeps coming at us. She starts to secretly date this guy who she met at work (before he quit). Let’s just call him “A”. She didn't even tell me until around their 6 month anniversary. Anyway, he's a real charmer. Won't keep a job, claims nobody understands him, and everyone’s against him, blah blah, blah. He had this “oh woe is me complex”. I remember first thinking that this guy was trouble when she called me and told me that, they were going to get married, but, now instead of a big wedding they would just go to city hall, because he wants something simple. This girl has been gushing about her would-be wedding since I’ve known her. When I asked her if she was sure she said “yeah, plus he doesn’t really get along with my family anyway”. When I questioned her about their relationship, she just kinda’ shut down. Later, (I guess after they had alienated themselves from everyone in her family), she stared telling me more. About all of their arguments. It was over little stuff at first. Then it escalated to bigger stuff. She confided in me that she recently discovered he was dating someone else. An older woman with a master’s degree, a Chevy Tahoe, and a house out in Jersey. To top that off, the chick goes to his church, and his mom loves her. They’d been messing around for years. When she confronted “A” with this information he just left. Shit I would’ve to. Nobody’s gonna’ sit and put up with shit when they don’t have to.
Later he started to pick with her self-esteem. He would tell her to do something more with her life. Go back to school and get a real job. He would leave crazy messages on her cell phone, and tell her that she was a waste of his time. She’d call me upset, when she couldn’t find him. And give me the “fuck him, I’m through with his tired ass” speech. The next day she’d be off somewhere doing his laundry, paying his bills, fixing him a plate, and/or sucking his dick.

“Shocked” is the only word I can use to describe how I felt. I swear I never knew her self esteem was so low. Out of the two of us, she was always the one pulling more dudes, getting’ into more fights, cussing more people out. I didn’t think she would let that shit go, but I guess I was wrong. Watching this shit play out was like watching Maury or Jerry Springer. As a friend, who is one year older and been through some drama in her life also, I tried to warn her, and give her advice. She hinted that she was tired of people butting into her business, so I shut the fuck up and kept my thoughts to myself. At this point though, I’m getting tired of her attitude, and her dumb-ass ways. I was 25 years old, and starting to wonder if I had outgrown her needy ways. A couple of months passed. He had become increasingly distant. They eventually just became smut-buddies. And since she wasn’t obligated to him she also slept with a guy from work….at work! I was about to make a clean break, when everything went downhill.

Pregnant!!!!!!!

All of a sudden all of those “Big Sister/Best Friend” feelings came back. *I’m not completely heartless*. She needed support, and I wanted to make sure she and the baby were okay. At first she played that role like “Oh my g-d, I’m so scared what am I gonna’ do? Should I keep it? Should I tell him? Am I ready for this?” I told her “calm down and just take a few days to figure out what you want to do” She then proceeded to tell me that she might have an abortion. I told her that she should really keep this quiet if she planned to do that. “Letting “A” know is cool, but don’t tell your family because they are very close, and very religious. They’ll make you keep it.” Adding, “just take a little time to think about it, you’re not far along, a day or two won’t hurt.” Well damnit if this little attention whore didn’t make a public service announcement about her condition that day. I’m talking cousins and people on the block. It was at this point that I really grasped how desperate for attention she was. And now I’m like 80% sure that she got pregnant to trap dude. When I asked her point blank if they used condoms she said “no”. Then I asked her if he always came in her, and she said “yes”. Then I said “Well did you think that weren’t going to get pregnant?” No response.
There’s nothing worse than a woman who will get pregnant to keep a man. Chicks that bring children into this world just so that they can throw a baby shower and catch a wedding ring make me sick.
“A” however was more than sick. He was irate. He told her flat out that he didn’t want her to have that baby. In the beginning he was kind of nice about it. He tried to cap her head up and say things, like “we can have a baby later, let’s wait awhile, let me finish with school first”. Then when she said “no” to the abortion he revealed his true self. They had arguments, physical confrontations, he changed his number, but left the most unbelievably ignorant messages on her cell phone, kicked a dent in her car, & had his mother call the cops on her after she drove over there to talk to him. By the time the cops came, he was crying and being restrained by his two older brothers. When the Cops asked him what he was crying about he screamed for the whole neighborhood to hear “Because I want this bitch to have an abortion, and she won’t”. After that he moved in with the Jersey girl.
Fast forward 6-7 months. The two of them are being somewhat civil. “T” and I are still talking. I’ve been picked to be the god-mother of their baby. It’s at this point that she tells me there’s a possibility that “A” ain’t the father of this baby. *Yeah, no shit? I’ve been thinking that since you started getting your due dates confused.* By the time that she shared that little piece of information with me I was too emotionally drained to care. I was already tired of her. A few months go by, and I get a call while I’m at work. I race to the hospital and watch as the beautiful baby boy was born. He actually came out pretty. I didn’t know babies did that. Anyway, I took pictures, brought cards, and threatened the nurses through the plexi-glass while they were cleaning him up. You know? basic g-dmother stuff. I came up there everyday after work. “A” didn’t show up for another 3 days, as she was getting ready to leave. I will never forget that day. She was laying down holding the baby, and I was standing over by the bed, when he came in. She immediately got quiet. Now, he and I weren’t beefin’, but understandably there was tension, because of all the things that she’s been telling me about him. I wanted to put that behind us, so I said “Hey, why don’t you come over to this side of the bed. I’ll move-you can see his face better from over here. Then I asked him if I could take a picture of the three of them. He said “no”. I asked again, saying that I just wanted a picture to commemorate the first day he met his son, outside of her belly lol. And do you know what this Negro told me as he walked past his son, across the room to the chair. “Naw, that’s okay, I need a hair cut, I’m scruffin.” Well that was enough for me I got my shit together and excused myself. She admitted to me later that the reason he didn’t want to take a picture of the baby, was because he didn’t think that the baby was his. In his words ,"That baby is too light".

In the months that came, he warmed up to “a jr.” He spent a lot of time around the baby. For all of "T's" stories, he actually didn’t seem like a really bad guy. He was an okay father, he just didn’t want to be with her. In fact, the more I watched them together, the more I began to wonder if “she” was crazy. For starters she accidentally dropped the baby – it was an accident, but still...DAMN! get your shit together! Then she started to drink at the clubs. You cant’ do that shit and breastfeed. When she started fucking “A” again, I was a little concerned. But what pushed me over the edge was the fact that, she refused to tell “A” that he might not be the father of that child. I mean damn she was turning into trash right before my eyes. On top of that, the guy that she fucked at work, (apparently w/out protection), actually wanted to be the father. He thought the kid was his. And he begged "T" to let him into the picture. She just ignored him while at work.

Moving along.

Well the baby turned 3 months and she just started to act real funny. She never told him that there was a strong chance that he was not the father. She started ignoring my phone calls, and would act funny when I stopped by to check on her and the baby. It was like now that she had what she wanted in life (A permanent connection to “A”), fuck everything and everyone else.
After all the days she cried on my shoulders, popped up at my job in tears, the baby bouncers and clothes I bought…. Shit I even went with her to her doctors appointments. Held her hand while she was crying, and the doctors told her that she needed to lower her blood pressure & stress levels or the baby could die. I couldn’t believe she was acting new. I called her on her behavior and she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. 10 seconds later she said "let me call you right back I’ve got “A” on the other line". That was the last time I had any contact with her, until recently.
I got a text message from her the other day. It was one of those chain messages, that said something like “in light of the V-Tech tragedy, send this message to everyone you don’t want to lose”. I sent it back to her.
But I really wanted to add something like “Good luck with your life n’ shit!” or maybe “Kick Rocks Bitch” Something that will send the message that, I really don’t care to receive any messages from you in life anymore, you overly dramatic, attention hungry opportunistic slut.
I wish her, no ill will. I just want to make it clear that I have no interest in her, or her particular type of bullshit, at this point in my life.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? What should I do?

Why do I always make an ASS out of myself in the spring time?!?!?!

2007-04-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

This weekend was beautiful. The weather was perfect and it was “Earth Day” (did y’all know that?) So instead of lying around all day, humming “Buy You a Drank” by T-Pain, I decided to go over to my mothers house and do some yard work for her.
I went up to my old room, and dug around in the pile of my possessions that my mom hasn’t thrown out yet, (it’s a very small pile), until I found a pair of old jeans, and a shirt.
I grabbed a broom and a rake and went to work. Everything started out cool. I spoke to some of her neighbors, chit-chatted on my cell & watched out for my moms’ cats, since I had let them out earlier.

Looking back, I do remember seeing the dime size hole in the back of the jeans even before I put them on, but I was just doing yard work so I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t even care when I heard the slight ripping sound, later in the day. By 2pm traffic is starting to pick up. I’m in the front of the house now, sweeping up the sidewalk, and part of the street. My mother lives in an urban neighborhood on a busy street, and in Philly, it’s not unusual for a car full of dudes to back up & “holla’” at a girl. So when I see a; silver, Buick LeSabre back up, I already know what it’s hittin’ for. I never stop sweeping or picking up trash while he’s talking. And when I can’t take anymore corny lines, I politely tell the guy “I’m not interested”. It’s not until I hear him say “Damn, well I had to try” that I also feel a cool breeze on my ass. I put my hand on the back of my jeans, and to my horror I felt no denim.

There was a hole in the back of my jeans the size of my hand!!!!!!! I felt like such a bum.

This reminded me of another time I made an ass out of myself. I was working evenings for a company in the Center City area. I was walking down the street, about a block away from the job. It was spring time and I was wearing; khaki trousers, brown wedge sandals, and a creamy yellow blouse. My hair was done, my nails were done, and you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute. It was like 4:30pm and everyone was out. Restaurant owners were putting tables out, and club owners were getting their spots ready for the after work crowd. Men were telling me how nice I looked, and asking me if I had a second to talk, & all was right with the world. Now…. In retrospect I believe this is where/when Karma gave me an opening. A chance to keep things positive. I could have been nice like I usually was, but for some reason I wanted to me a bitch that day (I think all of the compliments had gone to my head). So instead I turned my nose up and scrunched up my face up like “ughh, why would I ever want to talk to you!” and that’s when it happened. Just as I was crossing the street, I tripped. And not just a trip, that sh!t was a long vacation. I fell so hard that people waiting for the light to change got out of their cars to offer assistance. Keep in mind that it is a very busy CC street, & it was rush hour. Girls I’d been beefin’ with (from the job) were like, “Ohmyg-d are you okay?” while they were helping me up. You know it’s bad when an enemy shows you pity.
I wanted to die! I scraped both hands and tore a hole in my pants. I had black ash or something from the street/pavement, all over me. And mud on my face - figuratively speaking. The worst part was that because of the way the office was set up, I had to walk past everyone to get to the restroom. Once I got there, all I could do was cry. I was so embarrassed.

Am I the only one that does this sh!t seasonally?

I can't take a day off?

2007-04-19T08:45:00.000-04:00

I’ve been with the same company for 3 & ½ years now. Became a site supervisor 2 years ago. For the most part, I love my job. But there are days when I feel like throwing a punch bowl on the floor, and screaming “damn, damn, damn!!!!!!!!”
I work from 6am – 3pm Monday through Friday. I have a nice set up, with a few nice perks. I don’t see my boss very often, since we are in different buildings, and I have an alright paycheck. Now for the negative side. I supervise a small team. They are all good people, but damnit if every single time I turn around they don’t “F” something up. Like the other day for instance, I decided not to come in till about 9:30am. Everything seemed fine until I called the main building to check on a few things. Before I was even able to ask my question I was told (in the most dramatic voice ever) to “hold-on” while they transfer my call to one of the other supervisors. This is when “Alpha Asshole” gets on the phone.

Note: Alpha Asshole confuses his job with a career. Has the tendency to speak down to people, and a superiority complex. But at heart I suspect he’s just a good guy with way too much time on his hands.

Alpha: Hey, where have you been?
Me: Yeah, I decided not to come in until 9:30 today, is everything okay?
Alpha: Who was in your office today?
Me: I had ****** filling in. Did something happen?
Alpha: Well, someone up there was setting off alarms. They were trying to gain access with an unauthorized badge & when I called, ****** had already let in the non employee.
Me: Well, what was the person’s name?
Alpha: He (******) didn’t know. What’s wrong with him? When I called up there he was really unprofessional. Really unprofessional! Does he know what he’s supposed to be doing?
Me: Yes, I don’t know what the problem was......Anyway….I apologize for him. I’ll speak to him AGAIN about proper procedure.
Alpha: (Silence)………. Alllllright.

I hate having to apologize for anything, & I'm still not sure if that fake ass apology was enough of a pacifier to keep him from snitching to our boss. I'm kinda' frustrated, because, I try my best to do a good job. I've trained this particular person over and over again... how many times can I train someone. I hate being blindsided, which is why I try to keep an open dialogue with my employees. I hope I don’t sound like “I think I’m the shit”. I know I won’t be getting the Philly Boss of the Year Award. I know that this is just a job, and we're not doing anything that is going to save the world. I just wish that ****** would have let me know what was going on.

You messed up? Fine. Just give me a heads up, and we’ll fix it together. Stop trying to make the situation disappear by ignoring it. I love my employees, but I can’t help them if they don’t let me know what’s going on.

I feel like a parent. With none of the cool benefits like “Naming rights”.

VT

2007-04-18T07:33:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with all the victims of the Virginia Tech tragedy.

To the family and friends of the victims I am so sorry for your loss. This was a truly senseless act.

Fridays' Trying to Destroy Me!

2007-04-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

Okay, not really, but kinda. Let me tell you what happened, and then you can be the judge.

For starters, Greg and I established that I would be sleeping over Friday night. Well Friday morning comes & I get a text from him. No big deal, I get texts from him all the time. I didn't really feel like talking so I didn't respond. Next thing I know, he's outside of my job, motioning for me to come outside ( he works as an EMT and gets to drive around the city) . I don't, and so instead he comes in. He's all smiles and hugs, which is not him. Anyway after a few minutes he leaves. About an hour later he calls my cell. Again I don't respond. As I mentioned before, I'm not in the mood for him right now. Being a pest has never made anyone more attractive.
Next, I found out that I would have to work until 7. I called him up to let him know that I had to work late. I immediately got hit with the pity me voice, asking if I could still come over later. I told him I wouldn't be over until around 9:30pm. At 5:30pm he calls the work phone (something he's done 3 times in the 5 years we've known each other) to tell me about his day. At this point I'm like "I can't breath"

By the time I get to his house I am dead tired. He lets me in and goes straight for his bedroom, which is cool cause that's usually where we end up anyway. I tell him "I'm tired" and he says he's tired too. He lays down, & it's at this point, that I am completely bored with sleeping with him. He's never really been good at foreplay. He usually just lays back and let's me do what I want. When he does attempt foreplay, it's always something that "rubs" me the wrong way. No matter how many times I make suggestions, or give instructions, he always does the same boring/irrataiting things. That was all well and good in the past, when I was in love with the man, but now it's like, damnit, get some variety or get away from me. So since he's laying there, acting like he's "too cool for school" I decide to do the same.

We chill, watch T.V., eat some spaghetti - that he made...... 20 MINUTES LATER. My stomach is turning inside out. So needless to say, nothing went down that night. To top things off, he snores like a Rhino. I was up all night. The next morning, we did it, and it was sooooo boring.
Afterwards I jumped into the shower, got dressed and left.
I sent him a text later on that read. "They say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' so lets pause for a month or so. Be safe in the meantime till then papi I'll be missing you. It's been fun" Nic.

I figured, even though I'm sick to death of him right now, I should still keep him on smut standby.

Backsliding Again.

2007-04-13T06:47:00.000-04:00

I've only had one boyfriend in the time between now and late 2002. His name is Greg & we met at work. He was my "team leader" & I fell for the business attire (I'm a sucker for a man in a suit). It didn't hurt that he was also funny, smart, and considerate. So anyway, we started to date in early November 02', and ended up sleeping together on New Years Eve. Quick? Yeah I guess, but before him, I hadn't been with a man in a year and a half. In addition to work, we spent every free hour together. Woke up and went to sleep on the phone together, took trips to A.C., Wildwood, and North Carolina, which is a lot for a girl who never really left the block. Things were good in the beginning. Enter the "babies mom". She made being difficult into an art, but that's another blog entry. Long story short, the relationship couldn't take the stress of a determined lunatic, and he turned out to not be the man I thought he was. His passive aggressive attitude towards everything was the reason we broke up. So why can't I stop sleeping with him? Is it because, he was the first man to bring me to orgasm with his dick? Or am I still in love with him? I'm not sure, but I don't think it's either of those things. Because 1. You can't love a man that you don't trust or respect, and 2. I can give myself the big "O". If anything, I think it's just because I'm a creature of habit. Now were sleeping together. Again!!! This isn't the first time we've reunited to become smut buddies, and I'll admit that there were times when I wanted more from him then just the sex. But that was then, and this is now. A lot has changed.

My issue this time is that now he's getting a little too emotionally involved. Now, when all I want is a jump off, he's trying to get me to sleep over. He gets offended when I use the word "fucking". Gave me a speech, because I got dressed to quick to leave after our late night romp. What happened to the days when he used to dash from my apartment to go to "work"? Right now you're probably wondering why I don't just find another man to sleep with. Well, I don't know. Like I said before, I guess I'm a creature of habit.

Anyway, we slept with each other this Tuesday, and Wednesday already. He made me promise to sleep over this Friday. I want to cancel. When did I become the dude?

That Girl Nic!

2007-04-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nic. I'm a 26 year old girl, with way to much time on her hands. I would describe myself as a good girl with a slight edge. I think I'm aware of most of my issues, and I appreciate honesty, so the "blogosphere" seems like the perfect place for me. Here, I will disclose all of my dirty little secrets, and possibly receive advice in regards to the questions that keep me up at night. If anyone gets anything positive from my ramblings, then I'll be one happy girl, but in general, this will be the journal of my life. I'm just trying to figure out who I am, and who I want to be. Come along for the ride!