I Bust my Ass Again!

Some of you might know that for the past 5 months I have been living at my mothers’ house. So now that I’m back under her roof there are certain rules of hers that I have to respect. The main one that I seem to be having a problem understanding/dealing/respecting is the fact that she’s trying to adopt this annoying ass stray cat. Now I love animals, but this one has clawed my last nerve. Every time I go to step out of my car he’s there, tripping me up. I can’t even get into my house without him running past me. He cries constantly, and if he thinks that I am going to try and put him out of the house via nudging/kicking him with my foot then he does this stop drop and roll thing, which pretty much prevents me from shooing him away without touching him with my hands. Nic is not about picking up stray dirty cats (remember I’m a germaphobe). And the fucked up thing is that you just know that he was put out of his real/first home in the first place for being annoying as fuck.

So last night I’m on the phone with *******, and I look out the back door to see that this cat-dog (cause he’s big as shit) was lying on the hood of my car. Nic is also not about having scratch marks on the paint baby!
So anyway, I tell ****** that I’m 'bout to get that cat off of my car, by hitting the alarm button on my key chain. So as I’m saying this the cat is rolling around on my car. He’s half ass sliding off, then scrambling and using every sharp little nail he has to save himself from falling off the hood.
So I hit the button, and only let the horn blast once, because 1.) ….I didn’t realize that the horn alarm was that loud (I didn’t want to kill the things eardrums), and 2.) I see how startled he is. What I did was unnecessary and mean, but I was still cracking the hell up. So I’m laughing on the phone telling ******* what happened, and leaning on the back screen door, when I almost fall outside. I get my balance and laugh to my friend “Shit…let me stop laughing cause I almost fell out the back door!” I turn around to walk up two little steps, just as my friend was saying something to me about karma.

Well my foot went for the step, but my slipper didn’t, and instead got snagged on the lower of the two steps. I took the second worst trip/fall/“L” in my life. I swear, I think I flew for a second, because that’s the position I was in when I finally hit the ground. Arms fully extended. Phone and car keys lost under the refrigerator. All I could was laugh. I found my phone and keys and just lay there on the floor, and laughed for a good 5-6 minutes. My friend on the phone was laughing too. I tried to get up and gather myself, but I was still laughing too hard. My stomach was hurting so badly, and him laughing on the other end of the phone was not helping. It’s like the more I laughed, the more he laughed, and then the more he laughed the more I laughed. I get the giggles sometimes, and I’m the first person to laugh at myself usually so you know I was dying. We laughed for the rest of the night.

Message…..It doesn’t pay to be a bitch! But sometimes, it’s funny as hell