Why do I always make an ASS out of myself in the spring time?!?!?!

This weekend was beautiful. The weather was perfect and it was “Earth Day” (did y’all know that?) So instead of lying around all day, humming “Buy You a Drank” by T-Pain, I decided to go over to my mothers house and do some yard work for her.
I went up to my old room, and dug around in the pile of my possessions that my mom hasn’t thrown out yet, (it’s a very small pile), until I found a pair of old jeans, and a shirt.
I grabbed a broom and a rake and went to work. Everything started out cool. I spoke to some of her neighbors, chit-chatted on my cell & watched out for my moms’ cats, since I had let them out earlier.

Looking back, I do remember seeing the dime size hole in the back of the jeans even before I put them on, but I was just doing yard work so I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t even care when I heard the slight ripping sound, later in the day. By 2pm traffic is starting to pick up. I’m in the front of the house now, sweeping up the sidewalk, and part of the street. My mother lives in an urban neighborhood on a busy street, and in Philly, it’s not unusual for a car full of dudes to back up & “holla’” at a girl. So when I see a; silver, Buick LeSabre back up, I already know what it’s hittin’ for. I never stop sweeping or picking up trash while he’s talking. And when I can’t take anymore corny lines, I politely tell the guy “I’m not interested”. It’s not until I hear him say “Damn, well I had to try” that I also feel a cool breeze on my ass. I put my hand on the back of my jeans, and to my horror I felt no denim.

There was a hole in the back of my jeans the size of my hand!!!!!!! I felt like such a bum.

This reminded me of another time I made an ass out of myself. I was working evenings for a company in the Center City area. I was walking down the street, about a block away from the job. It was spring time and I was wearing; khaki trousers, brown wedge sandals, and a creamy yellow blouse. My hair was done, my nails were done, and you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute. It was like 4:30pm and everyone was out. Restaurant owners were putting tables out, and club owners were getting their spots ready for the after work crowd. Men were telling me how nice I looked, and asking me if I had a second to talk, & all was right with the world. Now…. In retrospect I believe this is where/when Karma gave me an opening. A chance to keep things positive. I could have been nice like I usually was, but for some reason I wanted to me a bitch that day (I think all of the compliments had gone to my head). So instead I turned my nose up and scrunched up my face up like “ughh, why would I ever want to talk to you!” and that’s when it happened. Just as I was crossing the street, I tripped. And not just a trip, that sh!t was a long vacation. I fell so hard that people waiting for the light to change got out of their cars to offer assistance. Keep in mind that it is a very busy CC street, & it was rush hour. Girls I’d been beefin’ with (from the job) were like, “Ohmyg-d are you okay?” while they were helping me up. You know it’s bad when an enemy shows you pity.
I wanted to die! I scraped both hands and tore a hole in my pants. I had black ash or something from the street/pavement, all over me. And mud on my face - figuratively speaking. The worst part was that because of the way the office was set up, I had to walk past everyone to get to the restroom. Once I got there, all I could do was cry. I was so embarrassed.

Am I the only one that does this sh!t seasonally?