An Interesting Conversation

This is random, but I wanted to share with you what I go through on a pretty regular basis with my mother. The following is a conversation I had with her a few days ago over a quick/light dinner of "Gorton's fish sticks". For any of you that don't already know...my mother is not quite right. She suffers from severe depression, and a bunch of other things. If one were to ask me, "What type of mood has your mother been in for the past 26 years?" I would say. "Menopausal!" I moved in with her recently to try to help out with a few things (the house is a "Sanford & Son" mess), and to keep a closer eye on her.

Let me set the scene. I've stopped cleaning and come into the kitchen to grab some fish sticks. She's already got a few on her plate, and she's also eating cold corn with tomatoes in it.


Me: Hey mom, you want some ketchup?

Her: No.

Me: Okay..... (looking at her plate, and those dry ass fish sticks) you sure? I already got it out right here.

Her: No.....I already got ketchup on my plate right here (pointing to one of the tomatoes).

Me: No. You don't have ketchup, you have a tomato there. (I'm almost laughing at this point, because I can tell that the conversation is going nowhere good, fast. In general she doesn't like to talk to me, but this day I just couldn't resist messing with her.) "And what is that anyway? (referring to the corn and tomatoes) That looks nasty.

Her: Corn and tomatoes! It's good.

Me: It looks like it taste nasty. Must be an old folks thing.

Her: MEXICANS EAT IT!

Me: (chirping cricket sound)*after a couple minutes of silence.*

Me: (noticing that her hair is wet) Did you want me to blow dry your hair for you?

Her: No thank you. It's too hot in this house I'll do it on the side of the house later.

Me: You'll do what??????

Her: Blow dry my hair...... outside....... I've done it before.

Me: You're not serious are you? (kind of' laughing) You didn't do that, did you?

Her: Yeah, right over there (pointing towards the side of the house, still eating cold corn and tomatoes). It's too hot to do that inside!

Me: I could turn the A.C. on. (At this point I’m thinking "Dang! you just got to give the neighbors something else to talk about huh!)

Her: NO! People in north Philly do it all the time. They do worse then that. Braiding hair and relaxing hair all on the front porch! (She's pissed now)

Me: *eating my fish sticks. 2 minutes of silence pass*

Her: WHAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY!

Me: What.......nothing.

Her: Oh, I thought I heard you say something smart.........You didn't say anything?

Me: No.

Her: You didn't say anything?

Me: No, but I was thinking something real hard.

Her: Oh (sitting back down in her chair). I thought I heard you say something.

Me: UhhhhhhhhhhNo!


Ahhhhh, Family dinners. Don't know why this makes me laugh so hard whenever I think about it. Really, she was about to go animal kingdom on my ass. Sometimes she just snaps and gets all dominant female on me. Usually whenever she feels threatened I suppose. Guess we got off on the wrong foot or something after the whole birth.....ere I mean cold corn and tomatoes thing. The whole scene was crazy-funny to me.



Peace