I'm Getting Married Ya'll!...One Day.

(5/16/07 - GALVESTON, TX) - A 19-year-old has been charged with injury to a child after police say his 2-month-old daughter was burned when he placed her in a microwave. Investigators believe the child was in the microwave for 10 to 20 seconds.

Has anyone ever put a raw egg in the microwave? I did when I was a child, and it made a big …huge… mess. But I was a child, and it was just an egg. I wasn’t trying to hurt anything. I was just trying to boil it real quick cause I couldn’t wait for water to come to a boil on the stove. My point is, I don't want to imagine what would happen to a baby in a microwave.

The mother/wife said that she will not be divorcing him. She will honor the vows she made before the lord.

Now, I understand that God ain’t nothin' to mess with, but darnit, I think he would understand this particular divorce. I mean damn boo-boo! Are you that desperate for a man that you would you stay with a sociopath? Is being married the end all & be all? I don’t know, but I don't think so.

Anyway, this week while I was talking to my smut-buddie, he let me know that he wanted to have a baby with me. A little girl to be exact. He didn’t mention marriage at all, but you know what!?!?!?!?! That’s alright! This is just another reminder of why we broke up in the first place. He’s unorganized, and backwards.

Do I want to get married one day? Heck yeah! Until I find the right one though….I will be married to myself. Desperation and I, don’t mix. And anyway, I’m content with my life at this point. I don’t really want to make any new male friends because, while I’m sure there are some nice ones out there,…I don’t really have the time or energy to sort through the man-mound. Can you imagine me...sitting infront of a dude....judging whether or not he has the potential to throw a baby in the microwave?

Yesterday after work I went to the mall. I originally just went to get some cute panties and bras, but I ended up going into a little store and buying myself an engagement ring. It wasn't expensive, but the amount of money isn’t really important to me. It’s what this ring represents. It reminds me to always love myself first. The rest will come eventually.


Sorry for the poor quality of this picture. I'm using a Sprint camera-phone. But it really is cute in person though. I'm just amazed I figured out how to get the darn picture up here in the first place. Your girl Nic isn't the most technically savvy, lol!

Also, it will keep the riff-raff away. I’ll take it off when I’m serious about finding that special someone. In the mean time I can’t be bothered.




Peace,
And Have a Great Holiday Weekend Ya’ll!

Prison Calls.

Hey blogworld, last night I got a phone call from Manny, (Kay-Kay’s dad). We actually got to talk for a while. Almost 12 minutes. He sounded really good, considering he’s in prison. We talked a little about his case, and the fact that he had been moved to a prison where he doesn’t have electricity in his cell. That means no more T.V. He only has to do another 10 months. He said that he sent me another letter, and that I should be getting it sometime this week. Then he thanked me for sending the clothes, which means that Dawn (the current care-giver) did tell him,....... but not necessarily that the little girl is wearing them. Anyway, with that opening, I told him about the night I’d stopped over there to drop off the clothes. No folks, I didn’t tell him that she was looking dirty, but I did slip in that she was looking kind of wild. It didn’t seem to faze him, and so the conversation continued.

I told him how Kay-Kay seemed happy and what she was talking about. I mentioned that there were a bunch of kids over there, and he told me that Dawn had 5 kids. He is so thankful Dawn volunteered to help Kay even though she already has 5 kids.

He told me that he is so hurt that his own mother wouldn’t even consider taking care of his daughter for a little while. He said he sent her a mothers’ day card, (Yes! The criminals got a store up there where they can buy all types of stuff. I got a valentines card from him back in February) but that's it. Other then that he's cut all ties with her. It’s not like they were beefin’ before he went away. He really can’t believe that she won’t help out her own grandchild. When he gets out he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. That s*** pisses me off too. I mean from what I’ve seen, she’s the most financially secure, and she has experience with kids. Nobody is asking her to spoil the child, just to give her the basics. Love from a family member, a roof, food, baths and supervision. Is that asking for so much?

This is the main reason Manny can’t stand his mother right now. She’s his blood, but she acts like she can’t help. He’s so hurt about that.

His sister has explained to him that she would like to help out, but that money is tight. She has enough to worry about with her own daughter. That’s understandable, I guess. But I remember all the time he spent with his niece, and all of the things he bought for her. Life is crazy.

I asked for Dawns phone number and he gave it to me. Now I’ll be able to see Kay-Kay more often. No…I’m not planning on giving Dawn much advanced notice, just enough to keep from being rude. I hate when people come to my house unannounced, so I won’t do it to anyone else. I just want to see Kay-Kay more often, and see if she STAYS dirty. I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.


He said that she’s talking a lot more on the phone now. And now instead of quietly saying “I miss you daddy” she’s saying “Shhh, my daddies on the phone!!!” , & "I'm riding my bike daddy!"
I’m going to stop by today after work. I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow.

But first I have a question.


Is there anything (on earth) your child could do, that was soooooo awful, it made you not want to see/take care of your own grandchildren?


P.S. As far as anyone knows, Kay-Kays' mom is still in rehab.


Peace

Tagg-Happy

I have been tagged again, and this time by Chokkklitsoul.

My task this time is to share 10 interesting things about myself. So, let me apologize in advance, because honestly, I’m not a very interesting person. Anyway here it goes.

1. I used to be a complete tomboy. Yep, digging holes in my mothers’ back yard, climbing trees, and catching snakes. I hated to go shopping. My favorite class used to be shop. But somehow I grew out of it. Now I’m buying panties and bras to match my toenail polish. Diggin’ holes is cheaper!

2. I’ll take animals over people.

3. When I’m really full and/or sleepy I get the giggles. HARD!

4. I still watch cartoons. Old episodes of “Samurai Champloo”, “Cowboy Bebop”, and “Family Guy”. Stuff like that.

5. I prank call my grandma all the time. She always says “ Nic…I’m gonna beat your f***in' ass when I see you!” I just laugh and tell her that “I’m too fast” for her. This is just our lil’ running joke. She lives in Yonkers New York, and I don’t get to see her as often as I like. She is the funniest person I know because she is so real about stuff.

6. I don’t like to hug either of my parents. It’s/they’re just weird.

7. I’ll always choose night over day. I just love to be able to look at the stars.

8. I want to be a police officer. Waiting for the test to come up. Wish me luck.

9. Last holiday season I sold cookies, as a side hustle. It quickly got out of control. People were placing so many orders. If I ever do that again, it will be on a smaller scale. And I’m gonna' charge more.

10. Once when I was younger. I went to sleep with a blue mug of water next to my bed. When I woke up the next day I tried o take a sip. But stopped when I saw something in the bottom of the cup. It was slender, and yellowish. I put my finger in the cup (don’t judge me …I was young) and to my horror saw the thing move. It was one of those thousand leggers. Now they are my biggest phobia. Above EVERYTHING!!!! Uggggh, they just make my skin crawl. I’m sitting here scratchin’ and rubbing my face and hands just thinking about them. I know I look crazy, (probably like a crack head) I hope ya’ll appreciate this. Lol!

These are some of the things that make me tick. The things that make me, me .

Peace

I've Been Tagged!

Hey everybody. I guess you can tell by the title of this post that I've been tagged. This is the first time for me, since I'm a relatively new blogger. I just thank the heavens that it's not a realllllllllllllly long one. Otherwise I woulda had to meet JMW infront of saladworks (she knows why!!! Lol!) just kidding. Anyway, my artist choice is the late, great, Marvin Gaye.

The ladies wanted him, the men wanted to be like him. What more can I say..........




Are you male or female: Midnight Lady

Describe yourself: Distant Lover

Your best piece of advice: Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart)

Describe your last relationship: Trouble Man

Describe your last crush: Mercy Mercy Me, My Pride and Joy

Say something to someone you have a crush on: I Want You.

Say something to an ex: Got to give it up

Say something to someone who hurt you severely: If This World Were Mine :(

How do you feel right now: Ooh Child



Well thank you JustMeWriting for this lovely tagging experience. Did you pick me because you know I love to play games? Well anyway, I guess this works kinda' like chain-mail??? So I'm gonna tag DC. Both dcsavvy, & dcspeaks. Hope you don't mind.


Peace

I Promised I'd be Honest with Ya'll!

So here it goes. This is another “I gave in, and let the Ex hit it” post.


About a month ago I told him that I wanted to take some time off. He had been smothering me, and acting like I was his girl. About a week after I sent him the text explaining that I wanted to chill, I got a call from him. It was a pretty low key conversation. He just wanted to know where my head was at, and why I had decided that I didn’t want to see him for a while. I explained to him that I felt things were moving in the wrong direction with us. That he and I work well as “smut-buddies”, but we needed to keep the "relationship-like" behavior down to a minimum.
Once everything was out in the open, and some boundaries were set things got better.

Well, for the past few weeks, we haven’t been sleeping together, but we’ve been, texting, going out, and talking on the phone here and there. Nothing too serious. Yesterday at 3pm, just when I was about to get off of work I got a text message from him. He said that he wanted to see me before he went off to work at 8pm (He’s an EMT w/ crazy ass hours). Between work, taking care of my mom, and worrying about my friends’ daughter, I’ve been really stressed out. I figured that since I haven’t slept with him in about a month, I was due for a reward.

Why do I always break down in the middle of the month?

Anyway, I went over there and had a great Adult time. I won’t bore ya’ll with the tawdry details. Let’s just say, he took me to a great place. Screwed me senseless! Need proof? ........... Keep reading.

After I left his house, I stopped at Wendy’s’. I was too weak to cook & feenin’ for a spicy chicken sandwich and a frosty, (Mmmmm, my favorite). So I’m sitting there, waiting in the long ass line, with this big ass smile on my face. I'm watching the rain come down, and trying my hardest not to fall asleep. My turn comes up, and I order. I drive to the first window to give them my money, drive to the next window, and wait for my food. Here’s where everything fell apart, and I found out that he had taken all of my common sense.

The girl goes to hand me the Frosty, and because it’s raining I only roll the window down half way. (I think my plan was to roll it up quickly, so my hair wouldn't get wet.....yeah I know it was already kinda fucked up from wrestling with him, but the rain would've made the situation soo much worse). Anyway, I reach across myself with my right arm, and grab the frosty. Then for whatever reason, I started to roll the window up with my other hand. I don’t know why I did this cause my arm wasn’t even back in the car. I guess that I was just that tired. So at this point, I’m still pulling my right arm inside of the car, and the window is still coming up.
“Why didn’t you just roll the window back down?” You may be wondering. Shit I was wondering that too. So I stopped pressing the button. It left about a 4 inch gap between the window and the frame. I pulled my arm in some more, but then again, for reasons I will never understand, just before I got the fuggin' frosty in, my finger hit the button again squishing the cup and making the lid pop off. All this because…well I don’t even know. The girl who handed me the frosty was trying to hold in her laughter. The most f’ed up part of that situation was that after the frosty debacle, I had to sit there and wait for my sandwich. I know they were back there talking about it, because another girl came to bring me my sandwich & she was laughing also. In the end, I was a little embarrassed, but it was cool. I had to laugh too.

Had the car for a year now. Get a side of good dick, and I become a drunk driver.

This morning I woke up, grabbed my cell phone, and dialed #2 speed dial - Wachovia. (That’s a chain of banks up here in Philly for anyone who doesn’t know) I call their automated service number all the time to Keep track of the little bit of money I have. I listened to the prompt, and punched my account number in, followed by the last four of my S.S. number. 3 seconds later, I’m sitting UP in my bed, irate over the fact that my job hasn’t deposited my check into my account. So now, I’m up and fuming. Walking around my dark ass apartment, plotting on how I’m gonna’ cuss out my boss & the payroll department. It wasn’t until I got into the shower that I realized that……………… it ain’t even Friday. Ha! I had to laugh at myself again.

I’m trippin’ !!!!!!

Now I’m sitting here at work, tired and drained. He has screwed me senseless, and I don't even mind. I hope ya’ll have a good day. I’m gonna sneak a nap.



Peace

Moms

Hey blog family! Sorry I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been a little under the weather and very stressed out. I’m stressed because in the next month I will be moving back into my mothers’ house to help take care of her. This is something I really don’t want to do, but I’ve always been a sucka’ for my mom. No, not because she’s been such a wonderful mother. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just because… well she’s the only mom I got.


Peace

Breaking My Heart.

I have a fake/play big brother that’s currently locked up @ Camp Hill. He and I grew up on the same block. And even though he’s about 10 years older than me, he always looked out. A couple of years ago he met and impregnated this local girl named Tisa. He claims she tricked him, I don’t really know what her side of the story is. But the important thing is/was that they brought a new lil’ person in the world, Kayla aka Kay-Kay. Now I’ve never actually met this girl, Tisa. From what I understood, she was my age and a very sweet girl, at first. Unfortunately though (for everyone involved & for whatever reason) she changed. He discovered that she already had other children whom she wasn’t raising. One is in the custody of her ex-boyfriend, and the other is being raised by somebodys grandmother.

They broke up around the time she was 1 month preggers.

Time went by. He was happy to finally be having his first child, but upset that he would be forever connected to Tisa. From what I could tell, he was a loving and attentive father. When Kay-Kay turned 1&1/2 Manny went away to prison. Everyone knew that was coming, because, well let’s just say he didn’t have a legal profession. For a long time I was mad at him for letting things go down the way they did. I wouldn’t even write back to him when I got letters from him. I felt like, he never should've been doing shady things in the first place, but also as soon as he knew that he had a baby on the way he should have cleaned up his act. Instead he just continued to do stuff that the DA could build on.

During the first week of his incarceration he found out that the BM Tisa wasn't taking care of the baby. So he arranged for a cousin named Dawn to help out.

Later on, when I thought about how lonely he must have been in prison , I started to write back to him.

In the letters that I sent, I asked him a number of times if there was anything that I could do for her while he was away, and up until recently he always said no. However, when he found out that he would have to do a longer bid, he changed his mind. I asked him her size in sneakers and clothes, and asked him to let her temporary guardian (Dawn) know that I would be through soon.

The next week, when I had some money, I went and bought some things for her.

I went to the house where his daughter is staying. First off…..about 10 kids came to the entrance. They were all different ages, and peeking through the glass panes on either side of the door. I asked for an adult and waited while 20 eyes stared at me. Finally a young girl came to the door. She looked about 17, and she was holding a baby that looked to fragile to breath on its own. Anyway, she was nice enough. I explained who I was and handed over the bag of clothes, sneakers, sandals and kiddie sunglasses for Kay. I spoke to Kay-Kay for a little while, and then I left.



Yesterday I got another letter from him. They come about once a week. Besides finding out that he has to do more time, because he lost another case, he also found out that Kay-Kay’s mother checked herself into a rehab.

He writes

“I JUST TALKED TO DAWN TODAY AND SHE TOLD ME THAT TISA WAS IN A REHAB. I KNEW SHE SMOKED A LOT OF WEED, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. I DIDN’T KNOW HER PROBLEM WAS THAT BAD, BUT I’M GLAD SHE GOT HELP, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN’T TAKING CARE OF KAY MAYBE IT WILL CLEAR HER MIND AND GET IT RIGHT. NIC I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR MY BABY. SHE ALREADY DIDN’T HAVE A MOM, NOW SHE DOESN’T HAVE EITHER AND IT KILLS ME.”

About him being locked up…I used to think “Well that’s what you get for not being a productive member of society”.
Now I just feel bad for the little girl.

When she came to the door she looked happy, but a mess. I mean Pig-pen dirty. I don’t have kids, so I tried to brush it off as just end of the day, summertime mess. But I don’t know.

At first I was thinking that I would keep that information to myself. I didn’t really want to get him upset and/or frustrated while he’s locked up. But now I’m not so sure if I made the right decision. Should I ask him to question Dawn? (the temp guardian). Are they doing all that they can? I’m so confused. I really don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to cause any drama, because the little girl has nowhere else to go. And she is such a sweetie-pie.

What should I do. I'm leaning towards keeping my mouth shut, but that could come back to haunt me. Maybe I'll go shopping again so that I'll have another excuse to stop by, and check up on her.



Its funny how karma works. He was out there selling drugs to the community. Now he's locked up, he can't see his child, and his BM is an addict in rehab. Be careful people.

Peace


p.s. Sorry there are no laughs here. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Eliminating the Bulls***!

Ahhh! This weekend was lovely. Friday, while I was leaving work I received a text message from the Toni Childs of my life, (JMW , you already know who I'm referring to. lol!). That’s right my Ex-best friend sent me a text that read …..

“Hey, how are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. I miss you. What are you doing today? I want to see you.”

Ha! I was cracking the heck up when I read that crap because I was/am still in the this mindset . Anyway, being the lady that I am I responded with…

“I’m fine, how’s ‘A jr.’ ?”

She wrote back that he was good, and I was cool with that. I threw my phone into my purse and ran to the parking garage. Hopped in my car and made a break for it. During the ride home I heard my phone go off a couple of times, but I wanted to concentrate on driving, so I ignored it. I drove to my mothers’ neighborhood to check in on her. (Same thing I do just about everyday.)

*Side note – I don’t ever think I’m going to stop being a sucka’ for my mom, but that’s another post.*

Anyway, as I’m pulling in to moms’ driveway who do you think I see out of the corner of my eye? That’s right Toni Childs. Staring right at me! Uggh! Do you think I turned down my music, or slowed the car down to wave? F*** no. I kept right on driving, blasting my Latin music and singing along like I knew Spanish. I parked my car, and went in to my mothers’ house leaving her on her aunts’ porch.

I’m inside for about 20 minutes when I get another text message from her. It read…..

“Hey, are you next-door?”

At this point I’m thinking “B**** you know I am. Who else is gonna’ park my car in my mothers driveway?” Did I communicate this with her? No. In fact, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t respond. Instead I finished checking up on my mom. When I was done with my mother I went outside and talked to a friend on the phone, while I cleaned out my car.

So I’m outside, right next door to this broad, chit-chatting and laughing. I’m just about to pull off when I get a call on the other line. It’s her. I probably should have just ignored the call like she’d been ignoring me for that ass of a babies' daddy, but curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked over. She asked me again if I was next door and I said “Yeah, I’m in the drive-way.” There was an awkward 5 sec silence. And then she said “Oh, well I haven’t seen you in a while…..” I said “oh well I’m out here if you wanna’ come over.” So she comes over….holding the little one. He looked adorable, and I was happy to see him as always. We walked over to her aunts’ porch. There were a heap of people going in and out of the house, because her aunt was selling dinners. I spoke to everyone, her mom, aunts and uncles. Since I go to my mothers’ house almost every day, I see them (moms’ neighbors) a lot, and I didn’t feel awkward. But then “A”, the assumed babies’ daddy, came out. And oh did this Negro put on a show.
First he comes out and kisses her and the baby on the forehead. Then he goes on to say,

“Damn stranger…where you been? I haven’t seen you in a while. WHY?”

I looked at him, and then at her. She was looking at the ground. So at this point I’m laughing in my head like, “Damn, he still got her rapped around his finger huh?” Instead, I said,

“Well, you’d have to ask her about that.”

Then he says.

“Well, regardless of what you two are going through, you could still come through to see your nephew.”

At this point I’m actually laughing out loud, and looking right at her. Even though were not tight anymore, she still knows me. So I’m sure that she picked up on my “ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME!!!” face.

I said, “Yeah, your right.” He continues to say that I should come around more, and that it’s good to see me. Now at this point I could’ve said something like “Wow…This is a big change from a year ago when you were screaming at her, and demanding that she abort ‘it’.” Instead, I just laughed and said bye as he walked down the steps. My reasons for not saying anything more to him were
1. I’m still not 100% sure that she didn’t make up a lot of the negative stories about him to gain attention.
2. She still has to deal with him and I don’t want “A. jr.” to suffer b/c of drama I started.
3. It’s a waste of my time.


We talk for a little while after that, but it was pointless. She kept playing stupid. Bringing up bullshit topics to talk about, just skirting around the fact that we haven’t spoken in months. It’s at this point that I tell her that I have to leave. As I start to leave she says “Call me later”. I just gave her 2 fingers and laughed as I walked to my car. I didn’t call her that night. I didn’t answer the phone when she called me the next day. Or the day after that. I ignored all of her text messages. And I don’t plan on contacting her any time soon. I know some of my more rowdy readers might think that I should have cursed her out for being such an skank b**** in the past, but I don’t even think she’s worth it.
You’re probably wondering why I even answered the phone in the first place or talked to her while we were outside. Well honestly I just wanted to see if I the friendship was truly over.

It is.

I mean I’ll still show love to the baby. I’ll even speak, but I know that I could never trust her again. I’ll never go out of my way to look out for her again. We won’t be hanging out on the block of gossiping on the phone ever again. I’ll never mail a pack of Kool-Aid to her again, just for the sake of being silly. She is who she is. And that’s fine. I’m content with that knowledge, and the fact that I don’t have to be around her. If she’s been feeling lonely……well that’s what she gets. I’ve washed my hands of her.


In other news,

I got to curse out the king roach. Sean called me at 5:30am Saturday morning. From…….(you guessed it folks) his mommas’ house. Ha!
Ya’ll know I followed your advice and cursed him out royally. I told him to "stop calling my f***ing house" and while he was at it to "get a f***in’ life". I called him a "phone stalker", he called me a "bitch". I said “yeah I know, and you can kiss this bitches brown ass”. I was really cranky and sleepy, so I can’t recall every thing I said to him, but some phrases that stand out are; “Drink bleach"….. "I wouldn’t even let you eat my ass"…… and "Get it through your thick ass skull that I could never be interested in your pathetic, beggin’, ass.” To top everything off, I finished with

“You better not never, no matter the weather, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, call or come around me no more." Click!



I slept like a baby.

O.D.D......Scared Childless!

I was talking to a friend of mine on Sunday. We spoke for a couple of hours, about life, family, money woes, the usual. We somehow ended up discussing the problems of her cousin. This cousin has had a troubled life. She was never living on the street or anything like that, but she’s had a few bumps that left her pretty depressed. Recently though, she made a move in what we thought would be the right direction. She met and married a man in the military. He got them housing on a base in Hawaii, and together they had a baby boy. That makes three children for her. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction for her, but now her two oldest children are exhibiting some problematic traits.

My friend was reciting a list of what the kids had been diagnosed with so far, saying that some of the problems might be connected to the fact that the husband was back from Iraq, with Post Traumatic Stress syndrome. The eldest (he’s 10) suffers from severe depression, and has had suicidal thoughts. I was heartbroken to hear about that, because he had always been such a sweet boy. The middle child (I think she’s 6) has A.D.H.D., O.D.D., and a bunch of other stuff.
Now when I write “a bunch of other stuff” I don’t want to come off as uncaring, it’s just that after my friend said “O.D.D.” I didn’t hear anything else. “Wait, what’s O.D.D.?” I asked. “Oh, that stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder” she said. Well…where the hell have I been? I’d never heard of that s***. She went on to explain that the little girl basically does the opposite of everything she’s been told.Wait I know about A.D.D. & A.D.H.D., but O.D.D.????? Am I the last person to hear about this? Where was the public service announcement?
Anyway, she told me a story that scared the shit out of me. About a year ago. The little girl dragged her baby brother down the steps by his feet. His mouth hit every step. Her reason for this…..She was told to stop bothering her baby brother. Yep that's it...He didn't do anything to her...Neither parent had screamed at her earlier that day.... The little girl just went bizzerk. I swear I felt my ovaries shrivel up a little after hearing that story. Is it wrong to be a lil' happy bout’ the fact that subconscious Nic hit the snooze button on her biological clock?

When I got a chance I looked up O.D.D. on the computer.

The only definition I could find for O.D.D. said, “Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioral disorder that is characterized by aggressive, defiant, negative, irritable and annoying behaviors towards peers and authority figures, such as parents and teachers.”

Just looking at this definition is pushing me towards an anxiety attack. Things are getting out of control. It seems like every time I turn around a new behavioral disorder is springing up. Where are they coming from? I need answers people. I can't keep blaming things on MacDonald's' hormone packed food!