Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Breaking My Heart.
I have a fake/play big brother that’s currently locked up @ Camp Hill. He and I grew up on the same block. And even though he’s about 10 years older than me, he always looked out. A couple of years ago he met and impregnated this local girl named Tisa. He claims she tricked him, I don’t really know what her side of the story is. But the important thing is/was that they brought a new lil’ person in the world, Kayla aka Kay-Kay. Now I’ve never actually met this girl, Tisa. From what I understood, she was my age and a very sweet girl, at first. Unfortunately though (for everyone involved & for whatever reason) she changed. He discovered that she already had other children whom she wasn’t raising. One is in the custody of her ex-boyfriend, and the other is being raised by somebodys grandmother.
They broke up around the time she was 1 month preggers.
Time went by. He was happy to finally be having his first child, but upset that he would be forever connected to Tisa. From what I could tell, he was a loving and attentive father. When Kay-Kay turned 1&1/2 Manny went away to prison. Everyone knew that was coming, because, well let’s just say he didn’t have a legal profession. For a long time I was mad at him for letting things go down the way they did. I wouldn’t even write back to him when I got letters from him. I felt like, he never should've been doing shady things in the first place, but also as soon as he knew that he had a baby on the way he should have cleaned up his act. Instead he just continued to do stuff that the DA could build on.
During the first week of his incarceration he found out that the BM Tisa wasn't taking care of the baby. So he arranged for a cousin named Dawn to help out.
Later on, when I thought about how lonely he must have been in prison , I started to write back to him.
In the letters that I sent, I asked him a number of times if there was anything that I could do for her while he was away, and up until recently he always said no. However, when he found out that he would have to do a longer bid, he changed his mind. I asked him her size in sneakers and clothes, and asked him to let her temporary guardian (Dawn) know that I would be through soon.
The next week, when I had some money, I went and bought some things for her.
I went to the house where his daughter is staying. First off…..about 10 kids came to the entrance. They were all different ages, and peeking through the glass panes on either side of the door. I asked for an adult and waited while 20 eyes stared at me. Finally a young girl came to the door. She looked about 17, and she was holding a baby that looked to fragile to breath on its own. Anyway, she was nice enough. I explained who I was and handed over the bag of clothes, sneakers, sandals and kiddie sunglasses for Kay. I spoke to Kay-Kay for a little while, and then I left.
Yesterday I got another letter from him. They come about once a week. Besides finding out that he has to do more time, because he lost another case, he also found out that Kay-Kay’s mother checked herself into a rehab.
He writes
“I JUST TALKED TO DAWN TODAY AND SHE TOLD ME THAT TISA WAS IN A REHAB. I KNEW SHE SMOKED A LOT OF WEED, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. I DIDN’T KNOW HER PROBLEM WAS THAT BAD, BUT I’M GLAD SHE GOT HELP, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN’T TAKING CARE OF KAY MAYBE IT WILL CLEAR HER MIND AND GET IT RIGHT. NIC I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR MY BABY. SHE ALREADY DIDN’T HAVE A MOM, NOW SHE DOESN’T HAVE EITHER AND IT KILLS ME.”
About him being locked up…I used to think “Well that’s what you get for not being a productive member of society”.
Now I just feel bad for the little girl.
When she came to the door she looked happy, but a mess. I mean Pig-pen dirty. I don’t have kids, so I tried to brush it off as just end of the day, summertime mess. But I don’t know.
At first I was thinking that I would keep that information to myself. I didn’t really want to get him upset and/or frustrated while he’s locked up. But now I’m not so sure if I made the right decision. Should I ask him to question Dawn? (the temp guardian). Are they doing all that they can? I’m so confused. I really don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to cause any drama, because the little girl has nowhere else to go. And she is such a sweetie-pie.
What should I do. I'm leaning towards keeping my mouth shut, but that could come back to haunt me. Maybe I'll go shopping again so that I'll have another excuse to stop by, and check up on her.
Its funny how karma works. He was out there selling drugs to the community. Now he's locked up, he can't see his child, and his BM is an addict in rehab. Be careful people.
Peace
p.s. Sorry there are no laughs here. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
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15 comments:
YOU'RE NOT SORRY, but I'll forgive you in this case...lol. Um, that's that HORRIBLE situation and you KNOW how I feel about da kids and bad mothers.
Here's my very person opinion; I don't feel to good about the buying of clothes and things for the baby, because in that type of enviornment she might not even end up being the one wearing them...that's a very very unstable place to be in, but I have a question for you...would YOU consider taking care of the baby yourself? WAIT, HERE ME OUT..lol, adequite supervision in mandatory and if the child can't get it in the home, she might end up in a home...and that's no place for our children...so someone needs to remove her from the unsafty of that place. Is there any SUITABLE person able and willing to do that?
I'd also tell the father about the conditions and bring that up to him....is their someone willing to take her until he comes home..and AGAIN, SUITABLE!!
this has broken my heart... wow - this is heavy. continue to be the friend you are to him.
i agree with justme, you have to tell the father about the conditions. try to put yourself in the situation he is in - as unfortunate as it is, he needs to know about the welfare of his child.
being in his situation, he needs a ton of support as it is - as of now, his child is the one who needs the support. i feel so/so about $$ and clothes for the kids too - but every now and then have that little girl's back to let her know that the way she is living is not how everybody is living.
keep that relationship with the father going. you are being a great friend to him - and right now, he truly needs you :)
This is a tough post even for an asshole like myself. Even if some else can keep the baby til he gets out... What's going to happen when he gets out. How can he provide for the child legally?
I would definately tell him about the conditions
Hey everybody.
First off, I want to say thanks for all the advice and support on this matter.
@ JMW,
Yeah at first I wasn’t suspect of that whole clothes thing, since the request came from the father. However, when all those kids came to the door, I did start to think twice. You know I was sizing up the other kids, to make sure that they weren’t her size too ;) In the end I figured, I’d just have to take the chance and hope that she gets to wear them. As for me….I did think about taking her in, but decided against it for a number of reasons.
1. Time - I work a lot. At my job, and when I go to my mothers house. I’m already stressed from taking care of her.
2. Money - Between rent, notes, helping my mother and student loans, I’m living paycheck to paycheck.
3. Experience – I have none.
4. I know this is gonna sound so selfish but, if I don’t get my sleep I’m no good to anyone. I just don’t think I could pull it off.
My friend was raised by his grandmother, and even though she adores the little girl she’s too old to keep up with her. I’m gonna’ try and find out if there’s anyone else. He’s gonna’ flip if/when I tell him about the "dirt-cloud".
@ Dcsavvy,
I do want to be a good friend, but it’s hard because what I also want to do, is kick him in his f***in’ ass for letting things get like this. I mean I am soooo pissed at him. Messing around with that young girl, before getting to know who she was. Getting her pregnant. Being a criminal, getting time……Oh! I could go on and on.
Got my pressure all up!
But you’re right, I would want to know, if I were in that situation.
@ Andrew,
Hey, and thanks for stopping by. To be honest with you, I don’t think that he will ever learn his lesson. He’s been hard-wired to live “that” sort of life. I don’t see this as having a happy ending. He just won’t work a regular job. He CAN’T. Seriously, I don’t mean he doesn’t want to. I mean he can’t…. it’s an impossibility. He’s the guy who’ll start a new job at 8 in the morning, and quit before lunch. He's just completely against being connected to “The Man” in anyway shape or form.
Now “The Man” got his ass upstate.
@ Everyone,
Ya’ll made some very good points. I still want to check up on her again to see if it’s really as bad as I thought, but I WILL tell him in the next letter. Now I just need to find the right words.
Peace
You could just stop by to see her. You don't have to ring the door with your elbows everytime you visit. Just go by and see how she's doing. I say if she's looking the same let him know. He might blame you for not saying something, about how she's being taken care of, or the lack of it.
@ khoney330,
Elbows???? Ohhh!!! :) Yeah, I do want to stop by more often. The only reason that I had't gone there before was because I didn't know Dawn. It's weird to knock on someones door and then act like child services when you don't even know them.
Anyhoo, thanks for dropping in.
I'm glad you even considered taking her in nic, that's admirable within itself and I'm a strong believer in 'where there's a will, there's a way', or shall I say; God will MAKE a way, so if your heart still has a place for her and your eyes can see the need, then I'm sure your brain will start to figure out a way to make it happen...and since I'm right here in Philly...I can advise and assist, so don't be discouraged if you venture that way.
Whoa this is heavy. I can see everybody's point about the clothes possibly not even being worn by her, but just do it anyway. You don't have to buy her Baby Gap and the like, head to Children's Place and get great stuff at bargains, that way you won't be so pissed if you should find out kay isn't wearing the clothes.
If you could take her in, that would be great, but I know how you feel. I have a niece (who may not even really be my niece) living in conditions that are slightly below what I think suitable, but it's not deplorable by any means. Her dad, my own "living against the law" brother, doesn't seem to care one way or another, so I try not to let it worry me too much.
I agree, just go by and check on her more often, heck even get her on the weekends sometime. She'll love that and you'll fall in love with her too. Little kids at that age are so much fun and it will help her to see a different side of life. Something to look forward to.
nothing to be sorry about...thans for sharing the story...it needed to be told.
since he is your homie...as long as he remains your friend...be his friend..
excellent sharing...I appreciate ya
Even just taking the time to go see her, showing that you care, makes a big difference. A lot of people would turn a blind eye to the situation. I have no advice, just wanted to say that I admire you for this.
This is breaking my heart too! Im always the first to say that I don't wanna be anyones mother, but at the same time I am a child advocate. Even in your busy schedule take the time to show lil miss Kay Kay that you care. Shes going to need someone as phenomenal as you in her life.
@ Everyone,
Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry for taking so long with my responses; I've just been overwhelmed with the whole situation.
Peace
Hey Nic,
I am glad you finally opened this blog up for comments !!!! I tried posting several times and was denied!
Anyways, girl this post hit me in more ways than one....It hit home. I agree that you should tell the lil girls father and I agree someone else should be caring for the baby. It made me think about my life with "The Curve" and our lifestyle. I know all too well about that way of life. Continue to be the good friend you have been!!! Be a beacon for your incarcerated friend because it has got to be unbearable to be so helpless to your seed. You are a good friend.
This situation is truly sad. i Have a relative locked up for life & he always seems to be caught in some drama outside the prison walls, I don't think I will understand how.
I feel for you but my experience is telling you that if you stay involved you will get more that what you bargained for.
Bygbaby
@ bygbaby,
First off, I'm sorry to read, that your family member is doing life. That's horrible.
And as for the rest of your statement, I agree. I think I’d definitely get more than what I bargained for, in. There’s really now way to be completely prepared when your raising someone else’s child. There’s no telling what kind of drama I could be getting myself into. It's crazy, because at this point in my life I’m trying to eliminate drama. I feel like getting involved with this (his situation) is going to drag me into his world. I wish he would grow up, but I don't think he will change. I'm still so confused.
Peace
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