Monday, August 20, 2007
About Last Night.
I had a bunch of crazy dreams last night. The one that disturbed me the most was about my ex. I haven’t had a dream about him in forever. Anyway, in the dream we met up, and he started hugging me and saying to me "You know I love you, right?" I had no response, because I knew it was a lie. *Hahaha! Even in my dreams he's a liar.*
I felt myself enjoying the hug though, and that's what woke me up. This little nightmare happened around 3am. I say nightmare because of the anguish I went through in the dream and after I woke up. Lying in my bed I thought about all the things (lies) he said to me during the last few months we were messing around. It hurts to be lied to no matter what the arrangement is. In our case they weren’t necessary. Telling me he loved me, saying things about having a little girl with me, all this and more….just lies and bull shit from him. Shoot I'd be surprised if he even remembers saying that stuff to me now.
Destroying his precious car wouldn't even make me feel better. I just want him wiped from my mind. At this point I feel like "Okay, (brain/heart) it's over. He's not the person you thought he was. Just forget about him, and put the past 5 years behind you."
It just kills me that my subconscious is sabotaging me like this though. I just wish that there were a magical pill that would make me forget about him completely. The good, the bad, the trips, the fights, chilling with his adorable kids, the work place antics, the sex, the love, the hate, the hurt, EVERY GOTDAMNED THING!!!!! I don’t want to remember any of it.
I don’t even want to hate him. It’s tiring. I just want so badly for everything that went on between him and I to be wiped from my memory. I can't believe that things turned out to be so ugly between us, or that I wasted so much time with him.
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17 comments:
But if your memories were completely wiped you wouldn't be able to use the experience, knowledge, insight from it to grow. Not to mention the fact that you'd be sittin' around wonderin' why you hadn't “gotten any” in, like, the last five years.
I HATE YOU!!!!! I did not want to laugh today, Hahahaha !!! :)
Yeah, you want me.
LOL! Is that why I was singing along to "The Police" in the shower the Saturday morning?????
I was like..."Wow, I'm in a good mood, but how did this get stuck in my head? Dang snupe and his power of suggestion!"
I'm gonna have to agree with anoymousnupe on this one. You can't look at it as a waste. Even if it was bad, you have to learn from the experience. The experience prepares you for the person you are ultimately intended to be with.
Go to the Santaria store and get you a voodoo doll. Steal some of his hair and then...kidding kidding kidding. lol
I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but I cracked up when I read that even in your damn dream you knew he was a liar. lmao!!!
Girl...obviously you are better off without that lying blankety blank!
Welcome to the Love Hangover Experience (hey that may be the new name of my blog!, damn Im creative when I don't think about it) Im really coming out of mine right now, its taking distance and time to get a man totally out of your system. I promise you it will get better.
confession: i got my cell phone bill and counted how many times his phone number showed up. Like I said, time and distance. I wish there were a pill.
It took me 5 yrs give or take to get over my first boyfriend. The one thing that snapped me out of it was realizing he was cheating on his current gfriend with me (we broke up but were still messing around).
Let me tell you, in my mind he was such GARBAGE that it was a hell of a lot easier to move on. Plus, I found new dick, which was the only reason he and I were still messing around, so yeah...getting rid of him suddenly got a LOT easier. :-)
Remember life is a book...you learn from each chapter and end is always nothow you want it to be.
I say put a brick through his window...you'll feel better LMAO...NO...scratch that...don't want you catching no case over some bull-ish!
I'm gonna go with black mamba on this one...new dick does the trick everytime...
OD...where can I get one of those dolls? I got a whole mess of stick pins I'm just DYING to use!LOL
Kiki and Mamba said "dick."
@ organized noise,
In the back of my mind I know that you and snupe are right, but I’m just so tired of hating him sooooo much. I honestly feel like a fool for thinking/hoping that he was better then he was. All he’s taught me to do is distrust. That can’t be good for my future relationships.
@ opinionated diva,
Now exactly how much hair would I need? LOL! I hope whenever he think he’s ready to settle down, the love of his life does the same thing to him. Hahahaha! Don’t care how that makes me look right now.
@ sheletha,
Hey…that would be a great name! Distance!!! You’re right about that. The gym I belong to is like minutes from his house. It’s taking everything I have not to superglue his windshield wipers to the window. Or, pour cod fish oil on his front door, and through the mail slot onto the carpet. That stuff reeks - forever.
@ black mamba,
Oh, I hope and pray that I don’t waste another 5 years on this bastard. In the mean time, he better stop floatin’ through my dreams. You and I both know how important sleep is :) Lunestra take me away .......
@ nitty-gritty,
Thanks, I will keep that in mind.
@ kiki,
That’s what I’m talkin’ bout’! I’m trying to swing a cinderblock. LOL! Just kidding….kinda.
Seriously though, if it wasn’t for me trying to get into the academy, I don’t know what I would have done by now. And about those dolls.... I’ll order 2.
@ snupe,
You’re a silly mess! LOL!
How dare I be the 13th person to comment this post!!!
WTF....
Girl...I'm gonna have to say that I think anonymousnupe said it best.
If not for your experience with ole' boy, it was bound to be somebody else. Unfortunately, it's all part of this thang we call life so we gotta experience it, learn from it, grow from it and eventually move right along past it!
In due time my sista...in due time!
I can only just ditto what everyone else has said. Experience is the best teacher. Remember, one day at a time. If you really want to get him out of your mind, then it will happen in due time. Stay strong!
I need a new post...stankyouverymuch!!!!
Awe, very very touching. I mean I am inspired by this and I know it took a lot to have you write this up. Hell, I hate people like that alot of what you said I dealt with in a similar way not too long ago and it is very disheartening. People like this have vicious and many times it is due to something that happened in their lives. Use this to help you grow stronger and believe me like with the person i dealt with, KARMA IS A SOMOFABITCH HOMMIE!!!
*HUGS*
Oh and btw-- Make way for in two weeks ill be moving there for good and Im still in the process of job hunting but ill be durr.....
Dag...even in your dreams...um! I'll second nupe (since it's 4 in the morning and I don't feel like thinking...lol)Just wanted to say hey.
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