Out and About.

This weekend was a little hectic for me. Saturday morning I went and got myself a French toast breakfast. Ate it, and fell into a deep sugar induced sleep afterwards (i'ma hafta look into that). Earlier in the week, I told my sister that I would give her a ride to our Aunts get-together. So around 3pm I woke up and called her to see if she still wanted to go out. Of course she said yes. I was still tired a shit but I dragged myself out of the bed and started getting ready to make moves.

Now about my dads family …. My father has 10 siblings, and they are a wild group. I never got to see them very often because of my mother. They aren’t mean or anything, but my mother (whom I lived with for most of my life) never really seemed to be on good terms with them. I think it was a jealousy thing. As a child, I knew that it was nothing that they did wrong. It was always because of my mother. They liked her. Heck according to them they still kinda like her (once family always family as far as they’re concerned), but because of the drama she was always going through with my father she kept my sister and I away from them.

I never wanted my mother to feel that I liked my fathers’ side more then her, even though I secretly usually did. My mom has always been very dependant on me and my sister. Her depression’s left her emotionally insecure. We all think it's because she doesn't have a life, and she can't/ won't work. That's just surface stuff though. I know that I've been a bit of an enabler, but shoot...she's my mother and I always though that she'd get better. The reality of the situation is that, I should have spent my childhood having fun and growing, and not trying to be the shrink that my mother needed. Oh well, can't go back in time. I didn't tell my mother that I was going to go to my Aunts party. I didn't feel like watching her spiral down into another pointless self deprecating episode. I think she suspected something was up though.

I left to pick up my sister, and then travelled back across the city to my Aunts house. We had a nice time, but left the block party around 8:15 pm. Both of us had other plans for the night.
I came back to the house so that I could hop in the shower again, and change clothes. Another friend was having a small get together downtown. I said hi to my mother as I was passing by, and I let her know Renee (that’s my sisters middle name) was outside talking to the next-door neighbors.



Mom: WELL SHE KNOWS WHERE I’M AT IF SHE WANTS TO SEE ME!

Me: Mom.....she is coming back here to see you. I was just letting you know in advance.

Mom: Oh....



Got damn! Why does everything have to be a battle, struggle, challenge, or a competition with my mother? Why all of the hostility? We are not two bitches off the street from her old neighborhood that she has beef with. We are her daughters for Christ sake! Neither one of us have put her through anything serious. Never once did she get a call from the schools saying that we were expelled. We never bought any babies into HER home; I never even smoked a cigarette....in life! The worst thing I ever did was bring in a few bad grades, and pout when it was time for piano lessons.Never asked anything of her. Stood by her. Tried to understand her. But still she insists on being a jerk.
I am tired of walking on eggshells around this woman. She wants everything to be about her. She is manipulative and cruel. And she passive aggressively demands loyalty that is completely unearned and undeserved.She wants everything. I can't be friends with my father, but she can. WHAT TYPE OF TOMFOOLERY IS THAT? Oh she’s completely crazy.She doesn’t even like me to have friends.

"Well mother my patience has run out. I'm tired of worrying about you first, and only. I have tried to work with you to break you out of this 25 year funk, but it’s pointless.You're not even a nice person at heart."

She left for New York again this Sunday. She was supposed to leave on Thursday to help my grandmother. Her phone broke as she was about to leave the house. I asked her if she wanted me to call my grandmother to let her know that she was on her way up there, and do you know what she said to me? "Wha….I don't care...do what you want." All ig'nant like.Well that was it for me. The final straw. I just went upstairs and changed my clothes. Came back outside and pulled off. I went to my friends house. I didn’t even wait for her to pull off and she damn sure didn’t get a goodbye. I spoke to my grandmother several times during the day.. My mother didn’t get there until exactly 12:00 midnight. It's only a 2 hour drive, and she left at 7:00pm. This lady just can't survive if people aren't stressing over her. Why she wouldn't stop to call from a pay phone to let somebody know something is beyond me. On top of everything she stole a whole big bottle of juice that I had stashed.Mother,Sometimes you're cool, but most of the time you're not.Your jealousy has overshadowed everything you do. It's like 50% of who you are.So I'm going to go back to "doin' me" You can keep lying in bed. There's no beef. I just need to be away from you. Yes, I will be moving back out SOON!!!




Peace